Ronnie stood in the middle of the forest, hands on his hips, staring at the Amazen Shop System panel. "Alright, let's get serious. I need to find something more valuable than a stupid rock. Plants, flowers, whatever—just something I can sell for at least 10. A burger is worth $3, a Coke's $2, and maybe some used clothes to cover my dignity. Can't have my willy enjoying the fresh air forever."
For a moment, his willy seemed to protest, as if offended by the idea of being covered. Ronnie glanced down and sighed. "Don't give me that look. You've had your fun."
With a determined grin, he set off into the forest, his bare feet crunching on the undergrowth. The forest was unlike anything he'd ever seen—trees taller than skyscrapers, their trunks twisted and gnarled, and plants that glowed faintly in the dim light. It was beautiful, in a weird, alien kind of way.
But Ronnie wasn't alone.
As he wandered deeper, he began to notice movement in the shadows. At first, it was just rustling leaves and the occasional snap of a twig. Then, he saw them—creatures that looked like they'd been ripped straight out of a fantasy nightmare.
A snake-tailed lion prowled into view, its spiked mane bristling and its fangs protruding like daggers. Its eyes locked onto Ronnie, and a low growl rumbled from its throat.
"Whoa," Ronnie said, raising his hands. "Easy there, Fluffy. I'm not here to steal your lunch."
Before he could react, a massive rabbit—easily three times the size of a normal one—hopped into the clearing. Its eyes glowed red, and its teeth looked sharp enough to chew through steel.
"Okay, that's… new," Ronnie muttered, taking a cautious step back.
Then, a deer emerged from the trees, its antlers gleaming like polished metal. It was easily three times the size of a normal deer, and its antlers looked like they could impale a tank.
"Alright, this is officially the weirdest forest I've ever been in," Ronnie said, his grin widening despite the danger.
The creatures began to close in, their eyes fixed on him. For the first time in his life, Ronnie wasn't the hunter—he was the prey.
And he loved it.
"Catch me if you can, you oversized idiots!" he shouted, turning on his heel and sprinting through the forest.
The creatures roared and charged after him, their footsteps shaking the ground. Ronnie weaved through the trees, his bare feet slapping against the forest floor. The adrenaline surged through his veins, and he laughed—a wild, exhilarated laugh that echoed through the trees.
"This is amazing!" he shouted, dodging a swipe from the snake-tailed lion. "I haven't had this much fun since I jumped off that cliff!"
He leapt over a fallen log, narrowly avoiding the massive rabbit's snapping jaws. The deer thundered behind him, its antlers tearing through branches like they were paper.
Ronnie's mind raced as he ran. "Okay, think, Ron. You've got a system that lets you sell stuff. Maybe one of these overgrown furballs is worth something."
He glanced back at the creatures chasing him. "Then again, I'd have to catch one first. And I'm not exactly dressed for monster hunting."
As he ran, he spotted a glowing plant nestled between the roots of a tree. Its petals shimmered like gold, and its leaves pulsed with a faint light.
"Jackpot!" Ronnie shouted, skidding to a stop. He grabbed the plant and held it up to the Amazen Shop System panel.
[ Item: Golden Glowflower. Value: $15. Sell? Y/N ]
"Hell yeah!" Ronnie said, tapping "Yes." The plant disappeared in a flash of light, and his balance updated:
[ Current Balance: $15. ]
But his celebration was cut short as the creatures closed in again. The snake-tailed lion lunged, its fangs bared. Ronnie ducked just in time, rolling to the side and springing to his feet.
Ronnie leaned against a tree, his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath. The forest was quiet now, the sounds of the monstrous creatures fading into the distance. He glanced down at himself—scratches covered his legs and arms from running through the undergrowth, and his bare feet were sore from the sharp plants and rough terrain.
"Damn," he muttered, looking at his swinging balls. "Note to self: next time, prioritize pants over burgers."
He chuckled to himself, despite the pain. "That was fun, though. I gotta thank that old man. He really knows me. Danger, monsters, and no pants? Perfect."
Ronnie straightened up, wincing as he brushed dirt and leaves off his skin. "Alright, time to stop being a nudist. Let's see what this shop can do."
He opened the Amazen Shop System and navigated to the clothing section. Scrolling through the options, he muttered, "Affordable, affordable… come on, I've only got $15 left."
Finally, he found something in his price range—a simple tunic and pants set that looked like it had seen better days. The description read:
[ Item: Worn Traveler's Outfit. Price: $5. ]
"This looks like a dead man's clothes," Ronnie said, raising an eyebrow. "But hey, beggars can't be choosers."
He tapped "Purchase," and in a flash of light, the clothes appeared in his hands. The fabric was rough and faded, with a few patches here and there, but it was better than nothing.
"Fashionable," Ronnie said dryly, pulling on the tunic and pants. He adjusted the fit, rolling up the sleeves and tying the waistband tighter. "Alright, I look like a medieval hobo, but at least I'm covered."
As he finished dressing, his stomach let out a loud growl.
"Oh, right. Food," Ronnie said, opening the shop again. He quickly ordered a burger and a Coke, which appeared in his hands moments later. The burger was warm, the bun soft, and the smell made his mouth water.
"Now we're talking," he said, sitting down at the base of the tree. He took a big bite of the burger, savoring the flavor. "Mmm… tastes like freedom."
The Coke was ice-cold, the fizz tickling his throat as he took a sip. For a moment, Ronnie just sat there, enjoying the simple pleasure of a meal. The forest around him was peaceful now, the only sounds the rustling of leaves and the occasional chirp of a bird.
"Not bad," he said, leaning back against the tree. "Monsters, magic, and fast food delivery. This world might not be so bad after all."
As he finished his meal, Ronnie's mind began to wander. "Alright, what's next? I've got clothes, I've got food, and I've got a system that lets me buy almost anything. Time to figure out how to make some serious cash."
He glanced around the forest, a mischievous grin spreading across his face. "Those monsters might be dangerous, but they've gotta be worth something. Maybe I can catch one and sell it. Or at least sell its parts."
Ronnie stood up, brushing crumbs off his new (old) clothes. "Alright, world. You wanted crazy? You got it. Ronnie Celton is here, and he's about to turn this place upside down."