After the food arrived, Adam was staring at me, just like a dog waiting for permission from its master.
"Go ahead…" I said, looking away to make him more comfortable.
A brief silence followed before the sound of bread crunching under his teeth brought a smile to my face.
Since the day I gained consciousness, I have always found myself alone—a loner, to be specific. I was never a cheerful girl; I preferred silence, thought before speaking, and always chose my words carefully.
The people at my orphanage never found me cute. Unlike the others, I didn't mess up my hair or get my clothes muddy. Instead, despite being younger than most girls, I was told to take care of them.
That was why I was never adopted. Whenever people came to see me, they always looked troubled. At the time, I didn't understand what was wrong with me, but as I grew older, I overheard people talking.
I would look at my reflection and try to act lively and carefree, but it felt like walking on water—impossible. Eventually, I accepted myself, and in turn, others abandoned me.
Over time, I stopped caring. Even now, I struggle with people. It's better to act than to be my true self.
If being boring were a skill, I would be a grandmaster.
The clatter of empty plates being arranged brought me back to reality.
"Milady…" a soft voice called.
"Hmm?" I turned.
Ah! Adam was sitting on the bed with docile eyes. I couldn't believe he still looked at this monster with such purity—just because I gave him food.
Well, he's not much different from me. If someone had spoken kindly to me back then, I would have acted the same way.
"Thank you so much for the food," he said, bowing his head.
"Let me teach you something, Adam," I said, dragging my body closer to him. "Listen, if something is yours, you must take it—even if it means fighting for it." I locked eyes with him, my gaze unwavering.
"Then what's mine?" he asked, staring at me without blinking.
"Your body, your dignity, your self-respect, and everything else you earn with your own hands. They are all yours," I replied firmly.
After a moment of silence, Adam asked for permission to leave.
A long day.
Time passed quickly, and the sun had already set on the horizon. As always, I spent my time lying in bed, my mind replaying the events of the morning.
I lazily turned over, stretching my arms. With a thud, something fell to the ground, and suddenly, the television mounted on the wall came to life.
"Elijah Rawlinson is a great actor, but her arrogance is holding her back in the industry. I think it's time she stepped down and let more promising actresses shine," a beautiful woman named Nina Harper said on the screen.
My eyes flickered with excitement. Finally, something to keep me company. Why hadn't I thought of this before?
I nodded at her statement. I never liked arrogant actresses anyway. Everyone prefers those who are kind and compassionate to their fans—just like Nina.
"The way you speak so confidently about her arrogance, it almost seems like a personal experience. Miss Nina, would you like to share your troubles with your fans?" the reporter asked eagerly, her eyes shining with curiosity.
I leaned in, drawn to the screen like a magnet.
Nina's expression faltered. Her eyes darted to the floor, and the smile on her lips disappeared. Then, forcing a smile, she said, "Let's not discuss personal matters. I'd like to keep this interview professional."
Although she didn't say much, her expression was enough to ruin Elijah Rawlinson's reputation. Heh. She's done for.
I continued watching and learned that Nina had secured a major role in the most famous drama, Your Shadow, directed by one of the best in the industry, Mr. Kal. This interview was part of the show's marketing and an introduction to the lead actors. Wow! She's amazing!
My eyes burned with excitement. Finally, something worth my attention. I could even make an account to support Nina. Yes!
I was still caught up in my enthusiasm when slow yet heavy footsteps on the stairs broke my focus. Oh no! It had to be Richard.
The door burst open. Seriously, does he have no manners? This is a woman's bedroom.
"She got it," he said, his brows furrowed, cold eyes drilling into me.
"Not just that, but she also tarnished your name," he continued, throwing a stack of files at me. "You know what, Elijah Rawlinson? We're done. I won't be your secretary anymore." His sharp voice cut through the air like a knife.
Richard waited for a response, but when I remained silent, he swiftly approached, bending down until his face was inches from mine.
"You know, I've never met anyone as insufferable as you," he spat. "You act like the world owes you something."
His breath brushed against my ear as he leaned in closer. "But you're nothing but a piece of trash."
You're nothing but a piece of trash.
That woman is crazy, always crying alone in the alley. I think she's lost her mind.
We can't let you work here anymore. Customers keep complaining that you're weird.
I'm sorry, but people avoid me when I'm around you, so we can't be friends anymore.
You're ugly.
Have you even looked in the mirror?
Richard was still speaking, but I couldn't hear him over the screams in my head. It was too loud… too loud… Stop it… Don't say it… I'm not weird…
I SAID I'M NOT WEIRD!
A sharp pain in my fingers jolted me back to reality. My breaths came in shallow gasps. It felt like I was suffocating.
Finally, Richard stepped back and walked out the door. I had no idea what he said before leaving, but it didn't seem pleasant.
My body sank into the softness of the bed as I tried to steady my breathing.
Hah. It happens sometimes—when I try to run from myself, and the voices in my head drag me back. I've told myself countless times to ignore them, but it never helps.
Right now, I don't remember Richard's exact words, but once I calm down, they'll come back to me, one by one.
Curling up, I hugged my knees and shut my eyes. Silent tears rolled down my cheeks, soaking into the sheets. My gasps were muffled by the sound of the TV.
And once again, I was reminded of who I am.
No matter how much I pretend to be confident, I can never leave my past behind. It clings to me like a shadow.
It's so painful.