"WAIT EVAN-"
I woke up abruptly and looked at my two hands as if to see if the warmth still remained in them. The same hands that...I did not want to think about it right now. I tried to recall the dream I had. I focused and concentrated to the extreme just so I could have that slight solace of blissful dreams again. In my current state, I found dreams to be much more enjoyable than the painful reality that I was subjected to daily. Everyday, I saw different dreams. Some about my mom, some about dad but mostly about her. My life's greatest love and my love's biggest regret.
"Starting the day off pleasantly, huh?"
I scoffed at myself. Even the luxury of sleep was not something I could experience daily. I had nightmares. Dark Nightmares. Whenever I wasn't in the embrace of my peaceful dreams, I was fighting with my demons.
Demons of my past.
Demons of my failure.
Demons of..... my own creation.
"I sound like an edgy sixteen year old boy." I said to myself with a bemusing smile. I often talked to myself nowadays. It was as if no human interaction for a long time had rewired my brain. It seemed as if my inner thoughts and the words coming from my mouth were from two different people.
'Curious how the human mind works. When I tried my best to disassociate with myself during those painful times, I had to bear it on my own. But now, I don't even know the real me.'
"Well, no time to get philosophical. It's a special day today. My very own birthday."
I secretly wished myself a birthday and thought of a single wish. 'To see her smile again.' This was the only thing I wanted my whole goddamn life. Ever since that day, things had never been the same. Ever since that day, everything about my life had changed. The Talent Show. I still grit my teeth whenever I remember that time. No matter how many times I try to forget it, alas, it never leaves. The memory from six years ago still haunts me in my darkest nightmares.
I looked around the room. Messy, Dirty. These words perfectly encapsulated how my room looked. Clothes thrown around. Mountains of trash that were never cleaned. Messy bed that seemed like it hadn't been made since years, which it hadn't. But today, it was my birthday. I shouldn't celebrate it alone. I should make my room as happy as possible. So, I cleaned. I cleaned myself, cleaned the room and threw out the trash. Truly a historic day for me. Then, I got started.
I left the room. As I was walking down the staircase, someone called out to me.
"Eiji, you're looking real happy today." It was one of my neighbors. He frequently visited the apartment block I lived in to clean his employer's room.
"Of course, it's my birthday today."
"Ohh.. Happy birthday. Got anything big planned for tonight?"
"Yes. Something very big. I have been planning this for a long time."
"Wow, looks like someone's gonna have some fun. Alright, enjoy yourself, Eiji."
"OK, Mr. Adam."
I waved him goodbye. Yes, I had something big planned for tonight. Something huge. I would finally get the revenge I had been wanting since years ago. The sweet taste of revenge. Akenji would finally get to know what his son was truly capable of today.
I was living somewhere near my old high school. Nobody recognized me. I had a thin, miserly appearance that was hard to connect to the old happy-go-lucky Benji. So, since I was no longer the same man, I thought I mustn't have the same name. So, I changed it. I wasn't too keen on keeping the name given to me by that filthy bastard anyways.
After what happened two years ago, I had been searching for that man. The man who took everything from me. My mom, my love and someone I cared about more than my life. It felt disheartening knowing that the blood of such a man was flowing inside me. I felt like a monster. It didn't feel human. The blood flowing inside me was a constant reminder of her screams. I thought of joining her myself many times, of course. But how could I? How could I show her my face in the afterlife? How would I face her knowing that I hadn't done anything to the one that took her life? Obviously, I couldn't. So I had no other options. I would kill that bastard, then kill myself. It would be so..... pleasurable. The sweet taste of revenge and the divine freedom of death. Both one after the other. Just thinking about it made my heart beat faster and caused goosebumps all over my body.
"So, how should I do this?" I had everything planned except for the ending. I wanted to surprise even myself. It was my birthday after all.
"How should I kill him?" This question had been plaguing my mind since a week. Should I mutilate him? Or should I pick off his nails and make him die of inhumane pain? Maybe I could even drown him near the lake he always visits. Options. Too many options. I had to choose one before tonight or else it could cause a mess in everything.
I bought all the necessary supplies by afternoon. Being on an errand run the whole day had made me quite hungry. So, I decided to stop by a restaurant.
"Hello sir, what may we get you?"
"Give me the finest wine you have and the most expensive item on the menu. I want to celebrate myself today."
Listening to me, the waiter was grinning. 'He must think I'm a golden goose.' I laughed internally.
"Right away Sir."
He left. Then I was left alone with my own thoughts for a while until the food arrived. And this was the worst. I could never handle being occupied with nothing but my own psyche. So I changed my attention. I looked around the restaurant. Many people were sitting around with their loved ones, chatting happily. But one particular table close to me caught my eye. It looked like a couple having a romantic date. I tried to listen in on them.
"Baby, can you recite me the poem you wrote for me again?" The girl addressed her lover.
My smile froze. My legs started shaking. I couldn't control the flood of emotions flowing thought my brain.
Poems.
It was a romantic way of showing affection to your loved ones. But, not in my case.
Poems were a reminder of the darkest times of my life.
I involuntarily started to remember everything that happened on the fateful day six years ago. The day when I decided I would perform in the talent show for Evana.
The day my whole life came crumbling down.