Chapter 12
"Stop it, Will. I wish I hadn't said anything now. It was stupid of me. Please forget everything I've said. I'll be fine and I'll be back by Thanksgiving."
"And then you'll be gone again," I said, now very frustrated at not being able to get to the bottom of this mystery.
"Will, please don't do this. I care about you. I could have made up some story that you would have had to accept, but I didn't want to lie to you. But I cannot tell you everything. I'm not allowed to, by order."
"From whom? Who ordered you to shut up?"
"I can't say."
"Well, that means it wasn't your own people, doesn't it?'
"I can't say."
"Do you parents know about this ... the danger I mean?"
"No. I didn't want them upset."
"But it was okay for me to be upset, eh?"
"No, Will. Please, please try to understand. I would never do anything to hurt you, but I simply can't tell you everything that's going on."
I sat back again, letting my pent up breath exhaust noisily. This had been the most frustrating conversation I had ever had. If it demonstrated one thing it was that Nicole was a very strong-willed person and wouldn't easily crack under pressure. It also demonstrated that she was becoming an obsession with me. I didn't want to just let it go, but I didn't know where to go next.
"Okay, Nicole," I said after a silence. "I accept you can't tell me. It hurts, but I don't think it's because you don't have feelings for me. You've been told to keep a confidence and you're determined to do that. I have to respect that because it happens to me quite often in my job. But give me some hope for the next month. Can we see each other on Skype?"
"I don't know. I hope so. I'm pretty sure we can because it won't reveal where I am."
I didn't bother to tell her that in fact it might. That might cause her not to use the free video service. I'd have to accept that visual contact with her would be the best I could hope for.
"Okay, Nicole. Let's leave it, then. We'll talk on Skype whenever we can. Maybe the same time at night that we do now. It won't be like being with you, but it will be better than nothing. When are you going?"
"Sunday afternoon. I have a plane to catch."
The thought flashed through my mind that if I could find out which flight she was on I'd be able to find out where she was headed.
"Well, at least we've got Friday evening and Saturday," I sighed, now resigned to her leaving.
"Yes, at least we've got that," she said, her eyes now watery from unshed tears.
It dawned on me then that she did feel for me the way I felt for her. She was holding back and not wanting to surrender just yet. Was it because of her project or her reluctance to commit herself until she was completely sure of me? I didn't know.
Friday evening we stayed in at her parent's home. I played Clue with Jimmy and Nicole while the parents watched the very domestic scene. They had invited me for dinner and I had happily accepted. When Jimmy went to bed, Angus and Mary mysteriously disappeared and Nicole and I were alone and sitting closely together on the sofa.
"I'm going to miss you so much, Nicole."
"I'll miss you too," she said quietly, looking up at me. "More than I want to admit to myself."
"Are you still unsure about me?" I asked.
"No ... no I'm not. I'm unsure about me. I'm falling in love with you and I desperately want it to be right this time. If we're going to be together, Will, I have to be able to give myself to you completely."
"And you can't do that yet?"
"I'm not sure. Right now, this job, this assignment is cluttering my mind. When it's done, I have a feeling it will be the release I'm looking for. You are a wonderful man, Will. You've won the hearts of Jimmy and my parents. You just have to be a bit patient with me. When I get back, I'll know. This separation ... it will tell me everything I need to know."
"That's all I care about. That ... and your safety. You know I'll be here for you when you come back. That's a given. You already have my heart. I don't have any doubts. When you're ready, I'll be ready too."
It was a long lingering kiss that didn't ever seem to end. When it did, I held her closely in my arms, wishing for all the world that I could take her to bed and make love to her. Show how deeply I felt for her and how much I had come to love her. But all that would have to wait. For now, I would have to be content with her closeness, her warmth, her scent, and her kisses.
Saturday, we took Jimmy to a game farm outside of town. It was sunny and cool, but Jimmy really enjoyed it and said so often. Nicole and I walked hand-in-hand as we moved around the big area along the marked trails. We weren't talking much except to remark on the animals and birds we saw. I think we were both lost in our thoughts about what was to come.
I took the five of us, Nicole, Jimmy, Mary and Angus out to a restaurant for dinner that evening. We chose one that had fish tanks all along one wall and that kept Jimmy occupied rather than bored as he would have been otherwise. The four adults made small talk, avoiding the coming absence of someone so important to us. I made no secret of my feelings for their daughter and I found nothing but support from them. That was a very comforting feeling.
Again, Mary and Angus allowed us our privacy before it was time for me to leave. I suggested that I would meet them here at their home to pick them up and drive them to the airport.
"No, Will! Please! Just you tomorrow. I hate goodbyes."
I looked at Angus and Mary and saw agreement. I wondered about Jimmy, but Nicole must have thought of that, so I agreed.
The ride to the MBS Airport in Saginaw was almost in silence. I tried to make some small talk, but I could tell Nicole wasn't responding so I quit. When we approached the main terminal, she spoke.
"Turn right here, Will."
I looked and it was a side road to some hangars and what looked like a commercial service area. I looked at her questioningly.
"What's up?"
"I'm meeting my group here," she said, offering nothing more.
This was another in the unexpected developments. What next? As I pulled into a designated parking area, I saw two large, black SUV's already parked. As I looked to the front of the nearest hangar, I saw a private jet. Was that her plane?