Chapter 5
"No ... truth time, Will. I'm too tall for you. I need someone closer to my own size. It would always be awkward for both of us. I like you and I think we could be good friends, but I don't think it would be anything more than that."
I nodded. Inescapable logic. We'd be the odd couple and it would make us uncomfortable, likely her more than me. There are plenty of tall guys out there that would be delirious to have her as a girlfriend ... or more.
We parted and I felt mildly upset that I wasn't more confident that we could have made it. Two down, two to go.
ScorpionLady turned out to be a black-haired woman about my age whose name was Lou. I guessed it was short for Louise. She didn't have a camera and thought that if we wanted to we could send each other more pictures.
"I'm Will, Lou. Nice to talk to you in person. How are you?"
"I'm okay. I've done this before, so it's no big deal. This is a first time for you, isn't it?"
"Yeah. A new thing. I'm still not sure how to go about it."
"How many women have you met?"
"You're number three. I started with about fifty responses to my ad, but I've kind of worked them down by the process of elimination."
"Yeah ... makes sense. So, tell me about yourself. I already know you're a lefty like me. What do you write? Books?"
"No, I write features for the local newspaper and I do news scripts for the television station."
"Hey, that's cool. Can you make a buck doing that?"
"Yes. I make a decent living. How about you? Do you work?"
"Sure. I drive forklift at the auto parts distributor."
"Do you enjoy doing that?"
"It's okay. It keeps food on the table. I make enough to go out with the girls and have a good time on the weekend."
"Do you play bridge?"
"Naw. I don't go in for those fancy-schmancy games."
"You planning on having a family some day?" I asked, trying to lose this call soon.
"Naw. I don't need no rug-rats crawlin' around the place."
"Ah ... well ... I'm afraid that's what I was hoping for," I lied.
"Jeez, you should have said something in the ad. We wouldn't have wasted our time then."
"Yeah. I suppose I should have. Maybe next time. Thanks for talking to me Lou. Good luck finding a guy."
"Yeah, sure. Good luck to you too, Will. See ya."
I hung up wondering how I'd got this far along and found only one woman I could even relate to. Was the bar too high? Was I being too fussy? I sure as hell hoped not.
It was Friday night and I was supposed to meet Rich and Fiona at their favorite pub for a drink. I was just eight-thirty, so I assumed it wasn't too late and grabbed my jacket and car keys and headed out.
"So how's the great bed-partner search going, Will," Fiona chuckled.
"Not worth a damn. I think I need a new approach."
"Maybe you should try for ambidextrous," Rich smirked.
"Already tried that. Found a switch-hitter in the bunch."
"A what?" Fiona asked, looking at both of us before the light went on.
"Oh ... AC/DC huh?"
"You got it in one, girl," I said.
"Not one single one of them looked worth test driving?" Rich asked.
"Well, one did, but she was a giant and she didn't think it would work in the long term."
"A giant?" Fiona said, puzzled once more.
"Yeah ... basketball player size. Great looking, but almost a head taller than me."
"Man ... I could get into that," Rich said before Fiona gave him an elbow in the ribs.
"Just kidding, dear," he said, rubbing his side. Fiona had pointy elbows.
"So, how many more to go before you give up and start again?" Fiona asked.
"One. I'm thinking I may have been too cute for my own good. Maybe I should have just made the ad like everyone else did. You know, generic. Age, height, weight, job, etc., etc."
"Naw, you don't want to do that?" Rich said, shaking his head. "You aren't looking for ordinary. You're looking for special. Stick with the program, Will. Just be patient."
"Well, I'll have to do something if this last one doesn't pan out."
"I'll give it some thought over the weekend," Rich said, scratching his chin. "Maybe we can come up with a better approach. What if you include your photo with the ad like some of them do? Maybe you insist on a photo if they respond or you eighty-six their entry in the sweepstakes."
"Worth a try," I said as I signaled the waitress for another round. It was my turn to buy.
"Hi, is this HighlandLass84?" I asked the woman who appeared on my Skype screen.
"Yup, that's me. I go by Nicky if you like."
"I do like. Short for Nicole?"
"Very good and quite correct."
"You a Scot?"
"Nope, my parents. Hey listen, before we get too far, there's a couple of things about me you need to know."
"Okay, go ahead."
"Well, I live at home and I have a son."
"Really? How old?"
"Six. He's just starting grade one."
"Wow, I bet that's a big thing for him and you."
"It doesn't bother you ... I mean, my having a child?"
"Hell no. Not at all. In fact, it's a bonus."
"Oh ... how so?"
"Well, this is kind of personal, so I wouldn't normally share this with anyone ... but I'm probably unable to father a child. So if that's a killer for you, now's the time to say so."
"You said 'probably.'"
"Yeah, well, my sperm count is very low. So the odds aren't in my favor."
"Jeez, that is personal. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get into your life that far."
"Isn't it better to know now than later?" I suggested.
"Yes ... definitely ... for sure."
"So, how do you feel about knowing that?"
"I'm okay. I have a son and I love him to death. If I was to bring someone else into my life, he'd have to feel the same about Jimmy as I do."
"Of course. Goes without saying."
We paused at that point before I felt like going on.
"So, you're a lefty, I take it?"
"Born and bred," she said with what was becoming a very nice smile.
"Tell me why that's important to you," she requested.
"Uhhm, well, don't laugh, but I'm hoping you'll understand my thinking."
"Go ahead," she said. I could see her head cocked to one side with a wrinkled brow. She was paying attention.
"So ... my thinking is that we of the sinister persuasion have some obstacles to overcome beginning at birth. In this right-handed world we are the outcasts, hardly ever thought of when the design of new things comes along. We have to adapt to the ninety percent who rule the world."
I could see a smile, almost developing into a laugh forming on her face.