We entered his office, his intoxicating cologne welcoming us in.
"So you both finally decided to see me after I called you thirty minutes ago," he said.
I sighed, grabbing a chair, "We had to take care of something," or more like someone, I thought. Mark sat on the other chair.
"You do always have some sort of excuse, Kayla," he said.
"It's not an excuse James," I replied, fishing for the granola bar in my pocket. Finding it, I offered some to Mark who declined. I nodded and started munching on it, "So what is it,"
He sighed. "The supervisors wants you both to...to go undercover," he said the last part slowly cause he knew it would hit a nerve. Mark stiffened.
I froze, dropping the bar in my hand. Flashes, images, all coming at me reminding me of what I had desperately tried to forget. Voices, gunshots and...fire
---------
"Stay with me, stay with me please," I said as tears streamed down my face, "Come on, you can't leave me here alone," I cried.
"Kayla we need to go now, we don't have much time," Mark said, fighting back tears.
"I'm not leaving her behind! Come on Cassie please get up," I cried, adding pressure to the bullet wound on her neck.
"I love you," she croaked, "I always will K,"
"No, you're not leaving me again Cassie, I won't let that happen again," I sniffed.
"Get her out of here Mark, and please take care of her," she said weakly.
Mark pulled me away dragging me out. "Let me go!" I screamed, punching and kicking, trying to get out of his grasp, "I'm not going without her!"
I elbowed him at the gut and ran. Then everything went quiet. Silence, then an explosion. Fire...huge fire.
---------
"Makayla! Kayla! Snap out of it!" Someone yelled. "No, fire," I whispered, my vision blurry and my left hand shaking as I unconsciously rolled my ring.
"It's just an illusion, it's okay," the person said.
"Just an illusion," I repeated, my vision slowly clearing. I saw Mark holding me, "Yes, it's not real," he whispers.
"Pills," I said. He opened his palm, revealing them. He must have gotten it when I spaced out. I took them and popped it in my mouth, taking the water James offered. Then I slowly relaxed.
"I'm so sorry Kayla, I didn't know it still triggers you," James apologised. Mark glared daggers at him.
"It's okay," I said.
"I'm taking her home," Mark stated.
"Okay," James said.
We left the agency and entered Mark's car. "Are you okay?" He asked.
"I just wanna go home," I said, looking out the window. He nodded and started the car, driving out.
We reached my apartment, Mark park in the driveway. "Thanks Mark," I said, "For everything,"
"Hey, what are friends for? If you need anything, I'll be a phone call away, okay?" He said.
"Sure,"
I came out of the car and nodded at him as he drove out. I went inside my apartment.
"I'm home!"
My German Doberman ran and jumped on me. I laughed, "Miss me that much?" He barked.
"Alright, let's get you something to eat," I said.
After feeding him, I went straight to the bed and dropped on it. It's been a long day, I thought.
--------
"We need to talk," Cassie said, dragging me inside a room.
"What?" I hissed. If only I knew.
She sighed, "I understand that you're angry with me Kayla but trust me, I don't wanna hurt you,"
"Hurt me? We've been friends since forever. We tell each other stuffs, we were there for each other. But these past few days, it was just like we were strangers, like we never knew each other," I said angrily.
She had her head down. I sighed taking her hands in mine, "Why are you avoiding me Cassie? What's going on?"
"You really wanna know why I avoided you?" She asked looking up, and she was crying.
"Look if it's something I did just tell me and I won't do it again. I'll apologise, just...please don't leave me again," I begged.
"It's not you Kayla, it's me," she said, taking her hands from mine. I became confused.
"How?"
"Because I'm in love with you!" She yelled, I stumbled backwards.
"Wh-what?" I stuttered.
"I'm in love with you Kayla. I don't know how it happened but now I can't seem to get you out of my head. You're driving me crazy and I'm frustrated because I can't do anything about it. Your smile, your laugh, your eyes, everything about you drives me crazy Kayla. And now I don't even know if I'm straight anymore. So that's why I avoided you, I didn't want our friendship to end, I didn't want things to get weird between us. I'm so sorry, I'm sorry for not being there for you, I-I just...," she broke down crying.
I stood there, speechless. "Oh my god, say something Kayla," she said amidst tears.
"I-I can't, I don't know what to say,"
"Just anything. Tell me that I shouldn't have fallen in love with you, tell me that you're mad at me. Hell, tell me that you hate me. Just say something," she cried.
"You're right, you shouldn't have fallen in love with me," I said. She nodded. "But I don't hate you. Yes, I'm mad that you avoided me for weeks, but I don't hate you. You're my best friend and besides, you can't control who you love sometimes," I said.
"So you don't hate me?" She asked, sniffing. I held her.
"No I don't," I said, "I love you Cassie, but I'm not in love with you. I only see you as a friend, my best friend and nothing more. I'm sorry,"
"It's fine, as long as you don't hate me," she said. I smiled and hugged her.
"Trust me, I don't," I whispered. Then gunshots rang out in the air.
--------
I woke up sweating. Must've slept off, I thought.
It was always the same dream, same scenario of Cassie confessing her love for me, being attacked, Cassie being shot, not being able to save her, then the explosion. The same nightmare since a year ago.
Since it happened.
I sighed checking my alarm. 5:47, it read. Might as well be up, don't think I'll fall asleep anyways. Chase jumped on the bed, I rubbed his head gently. Then I showered and went to the kitchen, first making coffee, before settling for sandwiches as breakfast.
I turned on the television and scrolled through my phone, eating my sandwich.
". . .The firetrucks couldn't get there in time, resulting in the building completely burnt down. Witnesses revealed that the fire wasn't by accident and that it was caused deliberately. They explained that they saw man leaving the building in a hurry, wearing a black hoodie. The police promised to look into it. In the meantime . . ."
I looked up and saw a blurry picture of a male silhouette, walking and looking back, on the television. I couldn't make out the face because of the blurriness of the picture, not that I really cared. My phone rang.
"Hey bestie,"
"What's up Mark?" I asked.
"Oh nothing serious, just wanted to check up on you," he said.
"I'm better," I said. I've been dealing with it for a year so, its not hard. "Now why did you really call," I asked.
"Oh come on, can't your best friend call to know how you're doing," he asked.
Silence.
"Fine, you got me. But I really did call to check up on you," he said.
"And?"
"Well, I just wanted to know if you're still helping me out for my date?" He sort of asked. I could imagine him rubbing the back of his neck. I chuckled.
"Right, the date," I said, "sure, if I don't get too worked up,"
"Thank you so much, you're the best," he said, "oh and by the way, the SAC needs an update on the case you're working on,"
I groaned. "I'll work something out," I said.
------
The elevator opened and I walked in. After the phone call with Mark, I somehow slept off and lost track of time. So here I am, walking to the office. Mark called on my way here, saying that we were going to be debriefed by 9:00. This is 8:55 and I'm just coming. And I didn't have enough time to get coffee this morning. I pressed the button. Another long day.
Now I have five minutes left to get to the briefing room. The elevator dinged and I walked out, heading straight to my desk in the bull pen. 'I'll just take my laptop' I thought.
Mark entered. "Are you just coming now? What took you so long?" He asked.
"Well do you want to stand there and interrogate me about my whereabouts, when we can save it for later and get to the briefing room before–oh, it's 9:00, still wanna chat?" I asked, already walking towards the briefing room.
"No thanks," he said, following behind. I hummed a song that had been on my mind since morning.
"Is that the Tallyman?" Mark suddenly asked.
"What?"
"That song, isn't that the Tallyman? From children songs?" He asked incredulously.
"Oh, yeah. It's something Cassie and I used to sing whenever one of us can't sleep. It calms us down,"
"Never knew you both could be a little...," he tilted his head, searching for the right word, "...child-like,"
I chuckled. "Actually she said she heard me humming it in my sleep during college, so she thought we could make it like...a thing. Our thing precisely," I said, "so since then, it sorta...stuck,"
"Damn," he said, "I missed a lot,". I giggled.
We stood at the door of the room. "So, ladies first?" Mark said. I raised an eyebrow. "Just out of courtesy." I scoffed. He's just scared. I pushed the door, entering inside.
James stopped talking and they all fixed their eyes on Mark and I. I sighed, walking to my seat at the table, Mark following closely behind.
"Late as usual Agent Reyes, what's your excuse this time?" James asked.
"Slept on the way," I said, smirking. They giggled.
He sighed, rubbing his temples, "I just don't have your time now. What about you Conner?"
"Hungover," Mark said. More giggling.
"You know what? Sorry I even asked. Let's continue, please," he said.
I smirked, and mouthed 'good one' to Mark. He winked.
Boring. That's how I describe this meeting. I sighed. I can't believe I left a cappuccino for this. I could picture myself, sitting at home, drowning myself in tea, having a really good time, just chilling. I don't think I've had a good time in 18 months.
". . .we'll take them unawares. Though it would be risky and our chances of succeeding are slim, we'll just hope that they take the bait." James said, which caught my attention.
"But that's a suicide mission. I thought we're going undercover," I said, remembering yesterday's conversation.
Everyone became quiet, looking at me like I came from Neptune. I don't blame them though. Words like undercover, explosion and fire are triggering to me. The last time someone said undercover, I blacked out. When I came through, I was told I sent three agents to the hospital, injured two and knocked out four. I almost got expelled from the agency, if not that James explained it to the higher ups. I was given three weeks suspension to recover.
But that was like six months ago. It's no longer as triggering as it use to be. I spaced out in James office because I hadn't heard that word for three months so I guess hearing it just reminded me of what I tried to forget. But these people don't know all these yet. They were watching me intently, waiting for any sign of violence. I sighed.
"Look, I'm okay guys. I'm not going to hurt anyone," I said. They relaxed, releasing a breath of relief.
"Reyes, you know we can't go undercover for now, not after what happened," James said, making everyone tense again, all of them slowly looking at me.
Seriously? Was it that bad?
"Yeah, but that happened like months ago. It's totally fine," I said. They relaxed again.
"But no one wants to go," Amanda said.
"I'll go, besides I haven't given you my answer since yesterday Agent Cornwell," I said to James. This time, they all scooted away from me quickly. Even Mark jaw dropped.
Okay, what the hell?
"A-are you s-sure," Oliver stammered, bewildered.
"Of course," I stood up, stretching. Everyone flinched, I ignored it. "I'm okay, besides it's been a while since I was on a mission. And it's not like I'm doing something important anyways," I said, yawning.
"O-okay, I'll inform the supervisors," James said.
"Great! Now if you don't mind, I have a sudden thirst for coffee," I said, leaving.
I walked down the hallway. "Kayla!" Someone called. What now. I turned to see Mark panting. "Did you just ran here?" I asked.
"What. Was. That?" He asked, ignoring my question. I continued walking. He followed.
"What was what?" I asked.
"That stunt you pulled in there, what was that?"
"Nothing. I just thought I should go and besides, it's not like I'm doing anything important," I said.
"I'm not letting you out there again. You're not going anywhere. I'll talk to James . . ."
"Don't even think about it." I warned. "I've been trying to heal ever since the incident and we both know it didn't work out. Maybe this mission would give me that sense of peace you know, as closure," I said.
"I'm just looking out for you. If anything happens, I don't think I'll be able to forgive myself. It's already my fault that. . ." he was tearing up. I hugged him.
"Hey hey, Cassie's death was not your fault." I said.
It was mine.
"Who's Cassie?"
We turned.