(Rose)
The storm evolved over the last few days, becoming softer and quieter as rain turned into snow.
The mud froze everywhere making it easier to walk, and snow began hiding everything.
I'm a little sad lately. I've had bad dreams again. Nightmares where a monster is crushing my head against the hard ground and ripping my guts off. It mixes with the villain laughter of that thing I met recently, whom reminded me of my long gone sister, in a twisted way.
I'm still angry at Blume lately. I feel like she's been letting me down recently.
The snow creaks a little as I walk through it. The wind fell down so everything turned silent. Winter really can be a different season. Snow is getting stuck on my clothes and accumulates there slowly. I didn't expect such a cold weather in the south of England.
But I'm more concerned about how I feel with Blume than the weather we're walking under.
R - Blume, are you there?
B - I'm always there.
R - Have you been feeling down too lately? I'm feeling a little sad.
B - I guess I am.
R - I remember that emotions can be harder for you to process since you lack the biology that does. Would you like to discuss what is bugging you?
B - The same thing as you I think.
R - When I yelled at you... I was angry because I felt that you were taking side with that strange thing rather than protecting me.
B - But you were not in danger. She didn't have the strength or power to harm you and never showed ill intentions.
R - She creeped me out, she was disgusting. I didn't want to have her touch me. Even if it meant no true harm, this really was unpleasant for me. And I felt like you her do willingly as if you were selling me out to that disgusting thing... It really felt awful.
B -I'm sorry... I honestly did not care about her however, even if she was something curious. I didn't see how bad she made you feel and thought this was okay with you. I believed you didn't mind human contact... Well, human looking contact I guess.
R - She wasn't human.
B - But oddly, she wasn't like me either. She looked more human than monster or daiûa to me.
R - I know you never tried to make me feel bad. Well, except when you tease me of course. But for a moment or two, there, I really felt like you... abandoned me, to that awful reality I couldn't face. That cave... With all the bodies. It's making me nauseous...
B - Please forgive me. I love you.
I feel her tightening softly her grasp, her hold, around my arms and my belly. It's like she's trying to hold me.
B - I'll remember that you don't want to eat that, nor to be touched by these.
R - It's a little more complicated than that. It's about my human culture and feelings. It's about death, and how I relate to it. I can... I can play with a dead tree, but never with dead human bodies. It's insanely repulsive to us. Though we can a little get used to it, facing and playing with dead flesh isn't easy... She was playing with it, living from it. I can't... I can't relate to that, not like this.
B - It's hard for me to understand, but I'll be more cautious about it. I don't understand why those bodies shocked you more than all the previous ones you encountered?
R - It's... It's wasn't just what the bodies became that made me feel bad. It was seeing that thing eating them joyously. Am I just meat to you? It's as if I turned into nothing but food to you or another thing like you...
B - Ah I see. At least to me you're nothing like that. I depend on you, and I see you as my lover, not food. You're not mean of survival, but my reason to live. I love you Rose.
R - I love you too...
I am food, to some of her kind...
We're walking in a snow field, endlessly. Everything is soft and muffled, and cold.
B - I'll protect you from what is making you feel nauseous too as much as I can.
R - Well, just... Just stay on my side when something weird happens. There's no need to be overzealous if there's no real danger as you implied.
B - It's hard to judge. I never felt that I was abandoning you, yet you felt that way strongly. What should I have done?
I have a little of a sad laugh. She's innocent.
R - Blume, we can't always think and feel the same way, even if we love each other. Furthermore even. There will always be times when we disagree, or get angry at something the other doesn't get. You have apologised enough over this already. And you don't have to always agree with me on everything. I think it's better if we hurt each other a little that way from time to time.
B - So it's alright?
R - It's not fun but I think it is. Love and our relation sure are complicated.
B - It's complicated to act human, that I agree with.
R - Even for humans you know. We have our ideals, but also our down to earth feelings, and beliefs. I don't want to eat human flesh and I don't like getting licked by a monster which does.
B - Oh... That was is. Wait, does that mean... You wouldn't mind if your friends licked you?
I laugh at the odd idea.
R - What are you saying? She has no reason to do such a thing. Taking a sample of the flora on my skin was it? Humans don't do that. It makes no sense.
B - Hm... I've got the feeling that you're trying to evade something.
I try to laugh it off but this comes out wrong. Tern. She saw right through me. I can feel her pressuring me for answers now. I wonder how much she can guess or desires to dig deeper now.
B - Would you like me to lick you?
I miss my step and fall into the snow. My heart skipped a beat. My heartbeat rushed to something. No matter what I say now, I'm done for. She'll tease me about it to no end now.
R - I... No... No, I wouldn't.
B - Oh, I see. You prefer more common kisses right?
R - I... I've never been fond of caresses in any way and kisses are for lovers and... Oh goodness... Animals lick each other, not us. Well... No please! Don't ask me what I'd like!
B - But I already know what kind of skinship you like. There's however a thought you have regarding licking I don't really get... Something you look shameful to admit but secretly eager to experience perhaps?
R - No, no, no. I just had... Weird dreams about it, because of it, that's all there is to it. And what do you know actually? You said you know something.
B -When we first woke up together, again, you were a little dizzy and you asked me to... To caress your skin softly with flowers.
R - Did I?
Did I? I only remember a very sweet feeling and being in a blissful lull.
R - You... Well, you obviously cannot kiss or lick me. But, did you touch me back then?
B - I'm not sure about what you really mean but I did what you asked me to do, even though I was quite surprised.
R - Please, stop teasing me...
Oh no... I resume walking, now flustered. She whispers to me inside my neck some sweet words. She keeps saying that she loves me until I blush. Then she sorts of smiles I can feel.
B - I would very much like to kiss you if I were human.
R - That's... I've never kissed anyone the way you imply.
B - But since I'm not human, should I rather resort in licking you instead? In order to show my love.
R - Oh no... No! What kind of thing do you want to become? I'm fine the way you are, we are...
B - Are you truly? I was beginning to think you might want a little more.
R - What I want is... Well I like the way you can make a scarf around me and keep me warm...
B - Ah, I think I understand. You enjoy soft touches, when something is gently caressing you. Something like kisses or licks feels too close to something sexual to you, right? You prefer the softer form of affection. The kind with less fluids.
R - That's quite an awful way to describe it... Though I must admit that you're probably right. If it were a human trying to lick me. For a dog, it's just dirty and smelly.
B - Good thing I'm not a dog either. But if I can't kiss you, can I caress you then? I want to show you some affection.
R - Alright then, but stay reasonable please.
B - Oh you know I always am. You're the short tempered one of us.
R - Meannie...
I can feel her rustle around beneath my clothes as I walk. Nothing weird thank goodness.
I can see a road with trees on the sides. Most kept their foliage even during the snow, it looks odd. Some leaves are still green. Their sap doesn't risk damage from freeze maybe?
Meanwhile, Blume has turned into a soft scarf and circles around my legs and arms in a regular motion. She's massaging them in a funny way. It doesn't feel bad. It's rather nice actually.
And being loved is a comfort. As is feeling safe with her by my side, whatever she is...
She's nice to me.
~
After maybe half an hour, my arms and legs start to feel a little numb, so she stops and resumes her usual setting around my belly. I thank her as night begins its fall. That was rather nice, and I can fully accept this form of caress.
I make camp, entering the tent that has strong thermal insulation. As I undress there I wonder.
R - Say... What kind of touch would you like? I mean, what kind of physical sensations can you experience?
B - I share yours. I liked the feeling of growing rapidly as a plant. It's a nice sensation to feel yourself grow without constraints around. But as a human, I... I enjoy when you feel good I would say. I'm also curious, or should I say with the desire, to discover more.
I blush again. I'm not sure why.
She's holding me very close to her heart somehow. She's embracing me gently.
Oh goodness...
~