Lily sat in her car, the engine running but her hands frozen on the wheel. The weight of the evening still pressed down on her chest like a thousand pound weights. The blind date had be a disaster, but it wasn't just about the blind date but also the pressure.
Now, she was here alone in her car, parked just outside the restaurant, her mother's still echoing in her mind.
" You need to give it a chance, Lily, you are not getting any younger" . Oh God, I'm 22 years ,Lily said to herself.
" I just want you to be happy, sweetheart, and I think this could be the guy".
Lily squeezed her eyes shut, feeling a lump rise in her throat. For once, she was tired , tired of pretending, tired of trying to please everyone. The tug of war I. Her life had become to much.
Her phone buzzed, and with out thinking she answered it.
" Lily ? Is everything okay ?" It was her mother's voice on the other end.
Lily let out a breath, he voice trembling " No, mom, everything isn't okay".
There was silence on the other end of the line and her mother's voice softened " what's wrong?"
" I just can't do this anymore," Lily said, her voice cracking as the floodgates opened. "I can't keep pretending that I'm going to be happy with someone just because you think I should be. I don't know what I want, and I'm tired of feeling like I have to have it all figured out. I just… I don't even know who I am anymore."
Her mother's response was quiet, but Lily could tell she was hurt. "I just want you to have everything you deserve. You've always been so independent, but sometimes I think you need a little help."
Lily shook her head, feeling the tears begin to fall. "I need to stop doing things for other people. I need to find out who I am, not who everyone else wants me to be."
Lily wiped her eyes, trying to steady her breath. "I'm just… I'm just so tired. I need to take a step back".
Lily gripped the steering wheel, her chest tight, the phone pressed to her ear. Her mother's voice—usually warm and steady—now trembled with frustration, a sharpness cutting through the conversation like a blade.
"You can't just throw everything away, Lily " her mother said, her words clipped, trying to keep calm. "You have responsibilities, you have a future to think about. I just want what's best for you."
Lily took a deep breath, trying to calm the storm raging inside of her. The pressure from her mother, the constant expectations to settle down, to get everything "right," had been suffocating for years. Tonight's blind date had only been the breaking point. She wasn't angry at James, or even at her mother anymore—it was all the years of bending and pretending, all the times she'd tried to be what others expected. That's what had worn her thin.
"I can't keep doing this, Mom," Lily said, her voice unsteady but firm. "I'm tired of being who everyone else wants me to be. I don't even know who I am anymore. I'm not happy with the life you're planning for me. I can't pretend anymore."
There was a pause on the other end of the line, a heavy silence that felt like the ground beneath her was crumbling.
Her mother's response, when it came, was cold—sharper than Lily had expected. "So, what? You just want to throw your life away? I don't understand you, Lily I've always been there for you, and now you're telling me this?"
Lily felt a pang of guilt but fought it down. This was the right thing, she reminded herself. She had to be true to herself.
"No, Mom. I'm not throwing my life away. But I need to stop living for you, for everyone else. I need to figure out what I want. This constant pressure, the blind dates, the expectations... it's too much."
The words hung in the air like a challenge, and Lily felt the sting of her mother's hurt through the phone.
"You're being selfish, Lily . You're letting your emotions cloud your judgment. You know how much I've sacrificed for you to have the best. And this is how you repay me?" her mother's voice shook now, no longer steady or controlled.
Lily felt her heart break with each word, but the anger rose within her as well. Why couldn't her mother understand? Why couldn't she see that Lily wasn't trying to hurt her, but instead was trying to save herself from being swallowed whole by someone else's vision of her life?
"I'm not repaying you, Mom," Lily replied, her voice soft but clear. "I'm trying to find myself. And I can't do that while I'm drowning in all the things you want me to be."
There was a long silence after that, a silence that made Lily feel like she was standing on the edge of a cliff, looking into the abyss. She knew her mother didn't understand. But the longer the silence stretched, the more she realized she couldn't turn back.
Her mother's voice, when it came, was quieter, but the hurt still clung to the words. "I don't know who you are anymore, Lily, You're not the daughter I raised. This isn't the girl I've watched grow up."
Lily closed her eyes, feeling a wave of sadness, but also something else—a strange sense of freedom.
"Maybe I'm not," she said softly. "But I have to figure out who I am, apart from all of this. I can't keep living my life just to meet your expectations, or anyone else's."
Her mother's reply was sharp, her words cutting deep. "If you keep going down this path, I don't know how we'll fix this, Lily, I don't know if we can. I can't be a part of a life where you push me away like this."
Lily felt her throat tighten. The tug of war between them had never been so real, so painful. On one side, her mother's voice, filled with disappointment, trying to reel her back into the world of safety and tradition. On the other, Lily's own need for freedom, for space to breathe, to make mistakes, to grow on her own.
I'm not pushing you away, Mom," Lily said, voice trembling but strong. "I just need space to be me. I need to find what makes me happy. And I can't do that if you're controlling every choice I make. I can't live in your world anymore. I need to build my own."
For a moment, there was only silence, and in it, Lily felt the weight of everything shifting—an undeniable rift forming between them. It was the first time in her life she had spoken to her mother like this, and the gravity of it hit her in waves. She wasn't sure where this path would lead, but she couldn't stay stuck in a life she didn't choose.
Finally, her mother spoke again, her voice cold, distant. "Fine. Do whatever you want. But don't come running back to me when you realize you've made a mistake."
Lily's heart sank. "I'm not making a mistake, Mom. I'm trying to find myself. I need you to trust that."
"I don't know if I can anymore," her mother's voice cracked.
Lily didn't know what to say. She wanted to comfort her mother, but the weight of her own emotions was too much. She wasn't sure if this was the end of their tug of war or just the beginning. She could feel the pain in her mother's words, but she also knew that she couldn't keep sacrificing herself for the sake of everyone else's happiness.
"I love you, Mom. I just need time," Lily whispered before ending the call.
She sat there for a long time, the night pressing in around her. She wasn't sure what would come next—whether this rift would heal or whether they were drifting further apart. But for the first time in years, Lily felt a flicker of peace amidst the chaos.
She wasn't who everyone wanted her to be. She wasn't sure who she was just yet, but she was determined to find out. And no matter what, she wouldn't let the tug of war define her anymore.