I killed them, all

I wake up with a jerk. My body feels heavy, like I haven't slept in days. I feel for the edge of the table, pull myself up. The space around me blurs as if I were not really here, but a shadow that wanders through this world.

I drag myself into the kitchen. Coffee. Maybe it will help me think more clearly. But the taste is bitter, disgusting. I almost spit it out. No wonder I never liked coffee. Maybe I never really wanted to be awake.

I stare at my trembling hands. They are empty. No one is waiting for me, no one misses me. No home, no family, no friends. Nothing but the emptiness in me.

"I should go out," I whisper to myself, even though my voice sounds hollow. The door to the hallway suddenly feels heavy, as if it wants to prevent me from going outside. But I manage to burp them up, and the cold wind hits me like a slap in the face.

The streets are empty. No people, no cars, no life. Just the sounds of my footsteps echoing on the asphalt. It feels strangely peaceful. A silence that seems almost deceptive.

My thoughts are getting sluggish. My throat is dry, and swallowing is difficult. Suddenly I feel my head spinning. Everything around me blurs, as if a thick fog envelops my mind.

"Where am I?" I ask myself as I stammer through the street. I can't remember how I got here. It's like the world is dissolving, and I'm just a spectator.

A bright light pulls me out of my thoughts. Headlight. I turn around, but my legs don't respond. My body feels frozen. The light becomes brighter, blinding me until I see nothing more.

I hear the roar of an engine, the squeak of brakes - and then silence.

But I'm not dead. Or am I?

A warmth spreads in my body, almost soothing. But when I open my eyes, I see nothing but an infinite, white light. And then a voice – quietly, but determined, as if it were speaking directly in my head:

"Your way doesn't end here. This is just the beginning."

I stand screaming in a room unknown to me I feel fear, fear "Where am I?" I scream. Again. My throat is burning, my chest is tightening. The pain in my head is unbearable, as if something in me is trying to break out. The room around me is white, sterile, empty. "Where am I?" I stammer, my heart hammering in my chest. Steps. Voices behind the door. They're getting closer.

The door swings open, and two people storm in. A man and a woman. Their faces are marked by worry, their eyes shine – with tears? With fear? With something I can't name. "All right, honey," the woman says with a trembling voice.

I move back, the wall in my back feels cold and hard. "Who are you? What do you want from me?" My voice is overturned. The words feel strange in my mouth, but at the same time so inevitable as if I had said them before.

"What are you talking about?" asks the man - my "father", as they claim. "You're home Luck, we're here."

"No!" I scream, feeling my legs tremble. My head is thundering. The feeling that something is wrong here becomes overwhelming. "I don't know you!"

The woman cries, the man looks at me like I'm crazy. And then – a jerk. The world blurs, breaks apart like glass. A bright light envelops me, and I fall into the void.

I scream. The pain is the same. The room is the same. The voices, the steps, the faces – everything is the same. The woman asks if I'm okay. The man looks at me worriedly. "Honey, you're home. We're here. It's all good."

I want to contradict, I want to scream that they are lying, that I don't know them. But I'll stop. Something is different. No – no other way. It's the same. I know that moment. Your words. The way the man looks at me. The tears in the woman's eyes.

My breath is getting caught, and my heartbeat is slowing down. I've been here before. I've experienced this before. But why? When?

I press my hands against my forehead, as if I could organize my thoughts. But they are a chaos, a whirlpool of fear, confusion and a feeling that I cannot name. "What... what's going on here?" I whisper, but no one answers.

"Honey?" the woman asks again, steps closer. And this time I don't scream. I just stop, let her come closer. Her hand touches my shoulder, and the contact feels wrong. Wrong and yet... familiar?

And then – that jerk again. The world is breaking down, and I'm alone again.

I scream. The pain is overwhelming. I want to run away, but I can't. My legs don't obey me. The door opens. They come in. Their words are the same, their movements are the same. But this time...

I'll keep quiet.

I watch how they talk, how they move, how they look at me. Everything is predictable. Too predictable. And suddenly the realization comes over me: I'm trapped. Trapped in a loop that plays again and again. I don't remember how many times it has happened. Twice? Three times? I don't know. But I know that I must not make them scream, that I must not contradict when I want answers.

I take a deep breath, force my trembling hands to remain calm, and smile at them. "I'm sorry," I say, my voice calm, almost soft. "I just had a nightmare."

The woman breathes a sigh of relief, tears running down her cheeks. The man nods and sits down next to me. They talk to me, calm me down like parents should do. But I hardly listen. My thoughts are racing.

Who are you really? Why am I here? And who does that to me.