📢 DING! [New Enemy Alert: The Baker's Guild has declared war on you!]
Leonel stared at the system notification, feeling his last brain cell wave goodbye.
"Hold on… They're actually coming to attack?! OVER BREAD?!"
The armored knight in front of him nodded solemnly.
— "My lord, the Baker's Guild is no ordinary enemy."
Leonel blinked. "Come again?"
— "For generations, they have controlled the flow of grain and flour across the continent. Their influence is vast. Their techniques… legendary."
The knight clenched his fist.
— "If they consider you a threat, they will stop at NOTHING."
Leonel felt a headache forming.
"This world is BROKEN. How the hell do a bunch of bakers have more influence than a villain's guild?!"
📢 DING! [Incoming Attack Detected!]
A loud BOOM echoed outside the castle. The ground shook.
— "SIR! THE BAKERS HAVE ARRIVED!" a goblin scout screamed, barging into the throne room.
Leonel shot to his feet. "WAIT— THEY'RE ALREADY HERE?!"
— "YES! AND THEY BROUGHT… THE CANNONS OF DOUGH!"
Leonel's jaw dropped. "...The WHAT?"
Another BOOM rocked the castle.
From the windows, he saw it: A SIEGE FORCE OF BAKERS.
Hundreds of muscular pastry chefs in white uniforms, wielding giant whisks, rolling pins, and sacks of flour like battle hammers.
Massive wooden catapults launched burning loaves of bread at his castle walls.
At the front of the army, standing tall, was an old man with a chef's hat and a scar across his eye. He raised a hand and shouted:
— "LEONEL NIGHTSHADE! YOU HAVE INSULTED THE SACRED ART OF BAKING!"
— "NOW, TASTE OUR WRATH!"
📢 DING! [New Enemy Identified: Grandmaster Pierre, Head of the Baker's Guild!]
Leonel slowly turned back to his knights.
— "...Am I having a stroke? Is this real?"
— "Sir, this is very real. We are under attack by legendary bakers."
Leonel buried his face in his hands.
"...I WAS SUPPOSED TO DIE TO A HERO, NOT TO A CROISSANT."
__________________________________________
Leonel needed a plan.
FAST.
📢 DING! [Mission: Defend Your Castle!]
➡️ Suggested Actions:
Unleash the Goblin Horde!Use Forbidden Dark Magic!Counterattack with a Tactical Strategy!
Leonel rubbed his temples.
"Do we have anything remotely useful against—" He gestured wildly at the army of bakers bombarding them with pastry-based weaponry.
One of his robed cultists raised a trembling hand.
— "My lord… We DO have… one thing."
Leonel narrowed his eyes. "What is it?"
— "The Legendary Infernal Sauce of Eternal Flame."
Silence.
Leonel stared.
— "The… WHAT?"
— "The sauce." The cultist swallowed. "It is made with the rarest chili peppers in the realm. Its spice level is so extreme… that a single drop can bring even the strongest warrior to their knees."
Leonel processed this.
"…And you were just keeping this lying around?!"
— "We were saving it for… uh… tacos, sir."
Leonel exhaled.
"...Fine. Dump the whole thing into their flour supply."
His knights GASPED.
— "A cruel and brilliant strategy! To let them poison themselves! You truly are a dark mastermind!"
📢 DING! [Mission Accepted: Operation SPICY DOOM is now underway.]
Leonel sighed. "Sure. Let's call it that."
__________________________________________
Minutes later, a group of goblins sneaked behind enemy lines, carrying a massive cauldron of glowing red sauce.
They poured it straight into the enemy's flour reserves.
The bakers, unaware, continued baking new weapons—except now, every loaf, croissant, and baguette was laced with the deadliest hot sauce known to man.
Five minutes later.
— "GRANDMASTER PIERRE!" a baker screamed. "SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH THE BREAD!"
Pierre grabbed a baguette and took a big bite.
Silence.
Then.
BOOM.
Pierre's face turned bright red. His eyes bulged. His entire soul left his body.
— "M-MY MOUTH—"
— "IT'S LIKE THE SUN AND HELL HAD A BABY!"
Chaos erupted in the Baker's army.
Men dropped their weapons, rolling on the ground screaming.
— "IT BURNS! IT BURNS!"
— "THE SAUCE! IT'S TOO POWERFUL!"
— "ABANDON THE MISSION!"
The once-mighty siege force crumbled, as one by one, they fell victim to THE LEGENDARY INFERNAL SAUCE OF ETERNAL FLAME.
In less than ten minutes, the entire Baker's Guild army had retreated in tears.
__________________________________________
Leonel watched the carnage unfold from the castle walls, his eye twitching.
"...Did I just win a war… with hot sauce?"
📢 DING! [Mission Complete! You have defeated the Baker's Guild!]
📢 DING! [New Title Unlocked: "The Infernal Chef of Doom!"]
Leonel groaned.
"…THIS ISN'T EVEN A VILLAIN TITLE!"
His knights cheered.
— "OUR MASTER HAS STRATEGIC BRILLIANCE BEYOND IMAGINATION!"
— "HE WON A WAR WITHOUT LIFTING A FINGER!"
— "TRULY, THE MOST TERRIFYING VILLAIN TO EVER LIVE!"
Leonel stared at them.
"...I hate this place."