Ben looks around his room. It was a medium sized room with white painted walls and yellow designs on them. Both colours wasn't his favourite but at least it looked good.
A desk was situated on the right hand side, just a little distance away from his bed. On top of it was his books and other things you could put on a desk. The type of fan Ben had could make him catch a cold even on summer. He knew winter was coming so he had so say goodbye to it for a while.
He got up from his bed, checking the time, it was 6am. Ben didn't have an option of sleeping in because it was Monday, he had to get ready for school.
He opens his eyes wide, hoping the sleep would go away. It didn't.
Why was he so sleepy you may wonder? Well, Ben spent last night watching vlogs and fan made YouTube videos of his favourite ship in a newly concluded gay reality dating show.
Shameless, he knows but he wanted to live in their reality since he hasn't experience the have the type of love they have.
It was no secret that he was gay. His family knows, his extended family knows. Hell, even his whole school knows. He came out to his family when he was thirteen years old, about to start this boarding school. His family were very supportive and protective of him.
Which was why they insisted he stays in the apartment that wasn't meant for students. His grandparents were the owner of the school. They built the two bedroom bungalow meant for staying whenever they come around to inspect and check the school.
They wanted Ben to stay here instead of the boy's dormitory. He doesn't exactly know why, he just concluded it was them being overly protective since he was thirteen when he came out. He didn't want to think about the possible reasons.
Ben arranged the books he needed for today and went to the bathroom to do his business. He got dressed in his school uniform, a white long sleeve and black pants and stepped out. Despite him staying here, he has to abide to the school's rules. One of the rules include having breakfast, lunch and dinner at the Food Hall.
Collins High was a boarding school for both boys and girls. The school has been around for years. Since it was for boys and girls, they had very strict rules each students was to abide by. The boys and the girls dormitories were far apart. That doesn't mean they weren't allowed to interact. They were, just no shady business.
The boys and girls still did shady business though.
Ben got to the Food Hall by 6:45am according to his watch. The hall was already filled with some students, grumbling and murmuring to each other. The food was to arrived at 7am sharp, served and eaten for an hour and 30 mins before school bell rings. When the food came, he quietly took his plate and cutlery and stood in line.
Ben didn't grumble and murmur, not because he was a good student, he just didn't have who to do that with.
The food prefect, Shawn, supervised as the food was being served and eaten. Students from 11th and 12th grade were given positions such as Head boy and girl, punctuality prefect, Food prefect, social prefect, Neat prefect and so on. The school wanted students to be involved in keeping the rules and regulations. There were adult authorities involved but that was for punishment if the prefect weren't obeyed.
Ben sat on the a table with few other students who didn't pay mind to him. He quietly ate his breakfast and left to his class.
The thing with Collins High was that, there was an unspoken rule that friend groups made in 7th and 8th grade were to stick till graduation. Meaning, there were several friend groups, comprised of both and girls.
It's not that Ben didn't like to talk with other students. He just didn't know how to start a conversation and keeping the friends was another thing. It didn't help that he wasn't staying at the dorm. So he doesn't have much to input when they joked about what happened at the dormitories.
His first friend group was when he was in 7th grade. They grew tired of him being quiet and not knowing what they were talking about half the time. Gradually, he was left out of conversations, hang outs. That was how he lost his first friend group.
The second friend group was when he was in 8th grade. He learnt from his past mistake and tried to input few words when they hanged out. It was just that he had a fallout with a girl named Bailey.
You see, Bailey and Ben had a crush on the same guy, a Senior. Of course the students weren't homophobic so it wasn't a big deal. But when the senior started being friendly with Ben, Bailey didn't like it. She started acting cold towards him and manged to convince the others to do the same.
Now, Ben knew it wasn't his fault but it would have been considered 'worth it' if the senior was interested in him. The senior was interested in his cousin and wanted Ben to put in a good word for him. Ben lost his second friend group.
Ben didn't consider looking for another. He decided he was better off solo. He decided he would make another friend but without a group. Just him and the friend.
That was four years ago. Ben still didn't have a friend.
Ben sat down on his seat. It was a two-seat, meaning he should have a partner. Ben didn't have one. Coincidence that the number of people in his class was an odd number leaving him without a seat mate? He doesn't know but this was how it was.
He mentally sighed as the teacher entered and classes began.
~~~~~~~
Ben felt happy and sad at the same time as he laid on his bed to sleep. He just came back from the reading hall where students were to read at night. It was optional.
Ben was sad because today was another day where he felt he predicted how his day would go. Wake up, breakfast, go to class, lunch, spend time on his phone, dinner, read at night, sleep.
He was happy because it was another day down towards graduation. He wanted to to go to college to try another chance at love.
His first chance to a relationship ended badly. It happened two years. It seems he had a thing for seniors because this one came on to him. He didn't have a crush on him or anything. Infact, he didn't even know he existed until that day.
Jay confessed to him. He told Ben he had a crush on him for the longest time. Ben confused and happy someone showed interest in him, told Jay they should take it slow. To see if they could work.
Jay was attractive and nice to him so he found himself slowly feeling something for him. At first, he felt other students looked at him wierdly whenever jay and him hanged out but he dismissed it.
Ben swallowed, adjusting on his side on the bed as he recalled that day. He wanted to see jay so he decided to go to the boy's dorm. Fortunately for him, he met the dorm head staff who told him jay was in the garden.
Ben went there to see Jay and a girl. The girl sat on his lap as she clinged to him, listening to the sweet nothings jay whispered to her.
Ben stood there frozen, staring at both of them. Immediately Jay's eyes met his, he turned away and ran back to his room. Ben found out later on that jay and the girl, Mabel, had been dating and were having issues. Jay came to Ben to apologize and stated that he only wanted to make Mabel jealous.
Ben remembered looking at the mirror that day muttering 'You thought he liked you right?' to himself. He looked away fast enough to not see how his eyes were getting blurry.
Since then, he paid attention to the dating gossip that happened in school. If he had paid attention, he would know jay was already in a relationship.
Ben stood up, glancing around his room. He couldn't sleep. He decided to watch YouTube videos again. He wanted to live in their reality since his was too cold and lonely.
Today was, just another day.