The shop is small but has everything you need. Its the closest one to my house. Navigating through it is hard due to the arrangement of the shelves.The light is too bright and one corner smells like somethings been rotting there for a while. There are 2 other people here both in they're early 20s. I'm having trouble choosing grocery's.I feel hungry though I had lunch not so long ago. Starving even. The ground seems to be moving. My head feels as if someone hit it with a hammer.The thought of a heart in my hand creeps back into my mind. Freshly torn out. Bloody. Softly beating in my hand not used to being out of a body.It's not the heart that interests me but what's inside. They say the soul resides in it.A strange feeling starts to creep up on me. Some of my senses are becoming heightened while other's are dull. I am aware of every smell in the room. The rotting in the corner of the room, the men's perfume on one of the guy's in the store. I feel overwhelmed.There is a soft buzzing of wight noise in my ears. It's becoming harder to think. Harder to breath. The hunger becomes unbearable. Its like I never had a meal. A real meal.Everything seems to blur. I feel like I'm being pulled under icy water. Drowning. Not icy waters. I feel like I'm burning.The world is black and wight. Shadows hang over the faces of people making them hard to recognize. They fade into the background. Bright glowing orbs appear in they're chest. Red as blood.The orb on the right is small and unnoticeable. About size of a pebble. Round and contained. It belongs to the guy with the men's perfume.On the left, is a far more interesting one. It has a number of branch like things growing out of it. They're the same blood red as the orb. Reaching out they split into more and more branches that coil around the person they belong to.My heart is pounding in my chest. I don't feel like myself. I feel out of control. I NEED to be in controlI close my eyes and take a few deep breathes. I start to count.3... Don't think about how hungry you are.2... Everything is okay.1...Slowly, I open my eyes. Everything is normal. The colours are back. No glowing red orbs in peoples chest. Like nothing changed.I quickly take the basics from the shelfs. Bread, milk, cereal... Walking to the counter I think the shopkeeper is looking weirdly at me. So is everyone else in the shop. Maybe they're judging me. Pitiful glances with faint interest. It kind of reminds me the way Daria looked at me.Practically running out of the shop I catch my reflection in a parked car. A scared wild animal of a girl looks at me.The hair hasn't been touched since I put it into a ponytail for basketball practice. Sticking out in every way its a mess. My usually dark blue eyes are brighter and... a pink almost red colour. My mouth seems to be full of fangs. I've always had sharper teeth then is normal.I continue walking in a faster pace. I don't understand what's happening. Red orbs in peoples chests, the world going dark, the hunger, the heart... Maybe I didn't sleep enough.The lack of sleep is making me moody and... causing me to not proses things correctly. I'm less productive. Yeah, that's what's happening.I take the stairs home. Reaching my apartment I insert my key's into the door. As I turn them I realize it's unlocked. Anxiety rushes through me. Did I forget to lock it? Did someone else unlock it? Is there a thief there? Biting my nails I enter cautiously.The sent of home fills up my nose. I've been to my friends houses a few times. They have a lot of things laying around, photos, drawings on the walls. Compared to there's mine looks empty. Lifeless. The plaster on the edges of the walls is falling of. Still its home. And I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.Besides the specs of dust the living room is tidy. As I go to the kitchen, I find my Mom in there. She probably left the door unlocked.Her hair isn't dark brown as mine. It's dirty blond with grey roots and long. She has dark circles below her eyes. She always does. Despite this her clothes look nice. A typical oversized sweater and jean's that seem too tight. Why is she so early from work?She smiles at me "Hello"I'm not used to her being home before me. "Hi. Why aren't you at work?""Hmm... I took half a day of" Her voice often sounds like she's half in a daydream."Why?" She never takes a day of. Only when she's sick and that's because she doesn't want patients to catch what she has."I wanted to talk to you about something"I put the grocery's on the table and sit down on a chair. "What do you want to talk about?""How would you feel if we packed up and left the country?"I go pale. I've heard that people are leaving the country a lot in the last years. My math teacher says that those people are: country betrayer's who flee for a false dream, or something like that. I've never really took him seriously.The thought of it affecting me much less that I would be one of them has never crossed my mind. "Where would we go?""We could go back to my home town" She say's wistfully. Sometimes I forget I ever lived in a different country. The only reminder is that I speak a different language at home. That's probably why I don't care about country betraying. This wasn't always my county.I feel sick to my stomach. Going back to my moms home town would be a nightmare. I know its been years since It happened but if I didn't forget why would anyone else? I think of a way to answer. How would you feel if we packed up and left? Terrible, like I want to through up or burn something down...None of that gets said. "I don't know... I mean I have friends here and school and stuff..."Mom nods slowly. "Okay... But if it gets worse or you change your mind, were out of here."Worse? what does she mean? Why would it get worse? I just nod.We sit there for a few moments. Then I stand up and put the grocery's into the fridge.I've always kept the fridge organised and tidy. Today I really don't feel like it. I just shove the food there and close it."Lenna?" Her voice is quaking slightly."Yeah?She seems to be still deciding weather or not to say something or not. "What... what did your grandma tell you about your father? When she used to babysit you."Something was definitely wrong. The very mention of me having a father was always avoided like the plague. "Not much just that she hatted him... A lot."Mom looks very relived. "Why Mom? Have you heard from him?""No, no, no such thing. I was just... you know thinking about, how we never talked about him"I sincerely doubt that. "Do you want to talk about him?"She shakes her head looking anxious. "He wasn't anyone of note"Of coarse he wasn't. I was beginning to wonder how long it would take to get to a response like that. Shutting me off. Not giving an answer. I understand that it's a sensitive topic but it's been 15 years."I've been meaning to catch up on my sleep... with all the night shifts I've been working and stuff... you'll find me in my room if you need me." Mom says as she leaves me with my thoughts.Just when I was beginning to think I would catch a break Mom hits me with life changing discussions.Leaving the country... The fact that we ended up here was a bit odd. Usually people go the opposite direction from here.But one of my aunt's lives here with her husband and she knows my Moms boss. Thanks to her my Mom got a job easier and was better paid then she could have hoped for. Things are probably different now.The mention of my father was very strange. Was he in some way, the reason why my mom is thinking of leaving? I've never met him and mom never told me about.Grandma seems to know something about him. Enough for her to make it clear she didn't approve of my mom even looking at him. And my existence? She hates me as well for being his child. I don't want to think about it.