"Alright, here's the plan. I'm calling it Operation: Kill the Girl. Here's how it's going to go."
Barns and Clancy are standing in one of Dimartino's abandoned buildings - an old school. This was the quietest and most nondescript place Barns could find, and thankfully, they had a nice big chalkboard.
Barns ushers to the chalkboard, where his ingenius 'Kill the Girl' plan is detailed. He considered every factor when making this - including the fact that their target is a well-liked Princess. Still, she was too suspicious, and her motives were clearly evil. If they let her strut around town unchecked, she could be the end of Dimartino.
"It has to look accidental," Barns says, starting from the top of the plan. "So here's what we'll do…"
Step 1. Ask the Princess out on a date.
She'll never think we suspect her of being evil if I shamelessly ask her for a night out. And she might accept - it'd give her a chance to kill me, too - if that's what she's trying to do.
Step 2. I take her out on a boat, somewhere quiet. Private.
Barns looks up at the plan. Brilliant so far.
Step 3. You (Clancy) lie in wait under the water. I (Barns) will create a mood and distract her.
Barn thinks to himself. "Clancy, you can't sing, can you? Or…conjure up an aquatic orchestra? That could really make the vibe…"
"TRADITIONAL CRAB SONG. I SING THE CLACKCLACK CANTATA."
"On second thought, you just wait underwater…"
Step 4. I decide whether or not we're actually going to kill her.
"I have Crab Intuition too, so I'll know," Barns says. "There's a chance she's going on this date with me willingly, AND she isn't trying to kill us. I don't want to mess that up."
"BARNACLES WILL DATE EVIL PRINCESS?"
"I mean," Barns blushes. "Who wouldn't? A little evil is kind of sexy…"
"BARNACLES! EVIL PRINCESS LADY TRIES TO BOIL US!"
"Okay, okay," Barns says, dismissing the idea. "It's been sixteen years since I've been on a date, give me a break."
Step 5. Kiss her and test the waters.
"We'll skip to step 6," Barns says, biting his lip.
Step 6. 'Accidentally' hit her in the head with an oar, knocking her into the ocean. Then, you (Clancy) will grab her and drag her to the depths. We tell everyone in town she drowned.
"THAT'S PLAN? OAR-HIT? WHY NOT SKEWER? SAVE FIVE STEPS."
Barn smacks a classroom desk. "Damn it, Clancy, if you want to write the plans you can do it next time!"
Barns thinks for a moment. "Plus, there's more to Maria than we know. If we have to kill her, we should at least get information out of her."
"MY PLAN. BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS SPEND NIGHT WITH ME. THEN WE CUT HER HEAD OFF."
"No way! And hey! Let me have this one! You already got first dibs on Yunie!"
"YUNIE? WHAT IS THIS YUNIE?"
'Oh, good,' Barns thinks to himself. 'He's already forgotten about Yunie. Maybe I have a shot with her.'
Barns goes over the plan with King Crab a few more times before erasing it all and destroying any incriminating evidence. His next step is the one the whole plan hinges on - Maria has got to agree to a date.
"Stay here," Barns instructs Clancy. "I've got some moves to make."
It doesn't take long for Barns to find Maria. She's still in the town square, sitting by herself. Though the sun is just starting to set, she sits there with a flowery parasol over her head.
Maria notices Barns as he checks out the parasol curiously.
"I don't like getting too much sun on my skin," she chirps. "I'm more of a night person."
"Well, that sounds great, because I was about to ask you about something. Tonight."
Maria raises an eyebrow. She seems genuinely confused. Barns inspects her closely. So far, there's no red aura. Nothing homicidal - not yet. That, or his Crab Intuition is broken.
"I was thinking. You're a Princess. One of the only few women alive. Definitely the most beautiful," Barns adds, "And I'm something of a legendary hero myself."
"Uh-huh."
"Maybe we could, er…get to know each other…a little better?"
Maria's eyes widen in horror.
"Nothing crazy!" Barns exclaims, shaking his hands. "A little ride out in a canoe! Monsters don't like the water, so we should be safe if we stay close to town. It's a full moon tonight."
Maria glances up at the sky. The moon isn't visible, not yet.
"You're going to be an instrumental part of my mission to rebuild the world, Maria, so I want to know the real you," Barns says, some semblance of persuasion manifesting in his words.
Maria sighs. "Oh, what the hell. I'm not doing anything tonight. Let's do it."
Barns raises his fist into the air. 'Victory!'
And then he realizes he's making a fool out of himself.
"Er…okay! I'll meet you in thirty minutes. Is that enough time to get ready? I need to tell my crab I'll be busy tonight."
Maria blinks slowly. "I'll be here."
Barns rushes back to Clancy. The time was imminent - and the plan was a go. Once he locates his crab, he gives him the details and a location for Clancy to wait in hiding. The crab, excited as ever, scurries off into the ocean to wait at the designated lagoon.
'Step 1 complete. Now to get her in the water.'
Barns waits a few minutes after Clancy leaves. He needs a moment to steel himself for this. Maria seems like a nice girl, but there's no denying she had a role in the crab boil fiasco. If nothing else, he needed to figure out what her deal was - and who she's working with.
Quinn's words from earlier in the day stuck out to Barns. Maria may have been alone in the wild for the last twelve years. There's no way she could have survived - not without help, or some ultra-powerful S Rank skill.
Little did Barns know, the secrets surrounding Maria went much deeper than he ever could have imagined.
Maria also had the power to read the System Logs, so she knew the exact moment when Barns chose the 'Crab Intuition' skill. Maria had been carefully guarded ever since she saw that. She could not reveal a single emotion - not if she wanted her true motives to stay hidden. So as Barns planned what to do with Maria, she too planned what to do - with Barns.
One thing was for sure - their boat ride was not something that would soon be forgotten.