I really will rule the world.
Serious. Imperious. Idk what that word means but it rhymed so-
Believe me, I shall rule with an iron fist. No crime, no poverty, etc, etc. All scientific solutions (through experimentation and human testing) of course. I am a dabbler of the sciences.
Not to quote Naruto or anything, but I'm seriously gonna be Hoka-
No, no- I'm gonna be Chief Ultimate Sultan Emperor The Majestic of this land. And this >>> is My story.
There is just one tiiiny hiccup in my plan. I say tiny because it only affects an individual at a time but- but, but, but! It is a massive pain in de as-.
An ultimate goduzhira level Monster that lurks deep inside me like the Nine Tai-[censorship in effect]
It's name is—
[EXECUTIVE DYSFUNCTION].
Rad name, eh?
True to its name, it posses the ability to execute and behead me both mentally, spiritually and perhaps physically
(me doing the physical part).
What it does is, when it sees me trying to execute my plans to take over the world and become the Chief Ultimate Sultan Emperor The Majestic, it rears its grotesque head and extends its slimy, metallic, grey-black, whipchain-like tentacles and wraps it around my spine. And just like that, in a split second–my brain is severed from the rest of my body.
It is hella inconvenient and painful and makes me deeply sympathise with Dullahan and Medusa and–
As if it's not enough to cut through my cervical vertebrae, it also likes to add insult and salt to injury by slithering down further via cerebospinal fluid and bleeding dump into my guts with its heavy waste matter. In other words, it's so lazy, it makes me poop for itself.
And so! Therefore, the time I would spend on taking over the world is instead spent in the bathroom or just laying around on the floor with my head detached and rolling around between people's kicks or sometimes both at once with my head on the floor and my body in the bathroom.
Anyway, all this * points at head on floor * is NOT conducive to my world dominating plans. This is a story– and epic– of how I went rage mode and locked in– oh gosh! I've been poisoned by social media–
Kabam! This is my notice to the world!
* Does a super sick ending pose that blows you all away *
Aaannnd Cut!