A gun rested on my head. I looked, slowly turning my head, to see who did it, but only saw my own arm holding the gun. I sighed sharply, how many times had it been? 5? 15? 100? It didn't matter… My mind was acting on the impulse to just end everything… But I knew that there was never an escape from existing, and no one ever has escaped.

I looked out the window of my house, an endless field outstretched onward, past all that I could see or hear. I was the only person for miles—the perfect place to end myself—but it was as if everyone was always watching my every move. I lay down on my bed, looking at the ceiling. Sometimes it felt like I could see the stars through the roof, the universe above with so many secrets that could destroy us within just a micro instant. And yet, Earth so conveniently has survived.

I put the gun on my nightstand. I walked to the door and opened it. I was starving, and it wasn't much of a hyperbole. I stumble to the stairs of my house, overlooking the living room. The living room had a couch, a coffee table, and a TV… The TV was broken from my previous outburst when I realized everything. I looked down at the stairs as I gradually walked down them, each step sounding a creak.

I reached the bottom, looking down at my thin arms as I walked to the kitchen. The place was empty, no dishes, no additional items, nothing. I grabbed a plate from a storage cabinet, a white paper plate with an intricate pattern on it, and placed it on the counter. I looked at the fridge, I didn't know what I wanted, but it would be something. I walked over, my hand on the counter, before I opened the door to the fridge. There was some food in the fridge, but not much.

I grabbed a bag of leftover pizza and closed the fridge door. I opened the bag, grabbing a single slice. It was something. I placed that slice onto the plate, the weight of it not causing a single bend in the flimsy paper plate. I glanced at the microwave, grabbed the plate, and walked over. I looked down at my plate, my grip was firm, holding a physical object. Blink. The plate was gone.

The pizza and the plate had vanished into thin air, nowhere to be seen. I looked back to where the bag was, and it too was gone. I walked back to the fridge, opening it to find no food where there once was. My eyes looked down at the floor. My grip had been so real, and yet it seemed that… The plate. It had never existed, nor did any of the food, and I realized that I was still left starving, an aching pain in my stomach.

I hoped that there had been something, but I know that there was nothing in the first place, only what I still foolishly strived for.

I could only walk—sluggishly—back to my room, to the one place which still provided… Nothing… I went back to my room for no reason. I never should have gone there, but I did, without any meaning of why or why these thoughts even matter. My brain couldn't even show me the truth! My. Own. Mind.

I looked to the window, the stairs nearby, a white mist covering the field outside. The line was thinning quickly. The grip in my hands tightened immensely, my fists clenched.

Don't… Don't… Give up… There isn't reason to this… Just end it all… What is the reason to exist when pain does too…? But… You can't stop existing… You can only exist… But I don't want to… 

A loud thump suddenly erupted from upstairs, making me turn my gaze to the stairs. I took a few steps closer to the stairs before finding myself at the bottom, slowly looking up at where the sound seemed to come from, a dark hallway. "Hello?" Alone was all that I had been. Something might be here.

Nothing responded though, but I was still cautious as it felt like something definitely was there. I looked down, Don't go up there. If there is something up there, it is most likely dangerous, a creak sounding this time. Wait… Stairs? I looked around. This was supposed to be my room! But… It led me here…

My overwhelming curiosity overtook my rational thought, and I started to walk up the stairs. Whatever it was, if it was dangerous, and it wanted to harm me, it could've come out already. So either it was just something falling, or… it was one of them…

I reached the top of the stairs, my fear almost vanished, "Hello?" My voice was more annoyed and irritated than scared. Then… A human eye popped out from the darkness, almost glowing as it stared at me. I recoiled back quickly, almost instantly, and nearly fell down the stairs in which I had just climbed up. "Don't fret… Young one…" The eye, it seemed, spoke without a mouth, but it talked in a soothing tone.

My heart skipped a beat as I realized where that old voice had come from… Despite never being near her for even a moment… I had only heard her voice once, and yet, I Kept that in memory for my entire life, no matter how faint it was… It had been… 23 years… A single sentence…

I felt the beating again… The suffering… The marks seemed to be in agony from just being here… Staring at…

"Mother?" This house, this world was all so strange, nothing seemed real and yet it was at the same time. So this could be real, my dead mother in this form, as an eye, or it wasn't real at all. "Yes… It's me…" It spoke in a creepy manner, as if trying to mimic my mother's voice, which was succeeding, but failing to act human.

I closed my eyes tight, and nothing seemed to happen. "What is it my child…?" It was real… Oh god, it was real… Before I knew it, my body instinctively ran away, as quick as I could. My heart was beating a million miles per minute as I ran, it felt like that presence was all around me. "My… Child… Come back…" It was just trying to get under my skin so it could attack. 

The world around me seemed to turn dark, and as I turned my head, there seemed to be a million eyes staring at me from the shadowy corners of my home. I was pale, and sweat trickled down my face as if I had a severe rainstorm above my head. I looked ahead of me, and a glowing white door appeared, and I thought that was an escape. I ran to it and opened it as fast as I could, and I ran through, closing the door. I panted heavily, before looking in front of me, and finding… The staircase?!

I was back where I started. "You are… Pathetic…" I turned my head again, and saw that eye over my shoulder. I turned back immediately and ran down the stairs, entered that door, and ran down the stairs. "You are a disgrace… No one loved you…" Tears streamed down my face as I ran. 

I continued running, over… And over… And over again. It felt like days of repeating the same actions… The same movements… All while that… Thing… Mocked me constantly… Using my mother's voice… I was never tired, but I still felt the pain of standing for so long…

I ran without purpose, running through my house possibly thousands or millions of times over. I seeped the entire time… I pushed the door open, and I entered the outside, the mist covering everything. I looked back, my eyes wide, panting heavily. The eyes were watching me, "Boring…" It said before retreating back into the house.

I collapsed, falling to the ground. The cold, damp grass was squished below the weight of my body, as the mist overtook my surroundings. But that didn't matter. What the fuck was that?

It was a floating eye—or more accurately millions of floating eyes in the darkness. But it copied my mother's voice. That wasn't my mother, though, she would never say something like that. My dad… He told me she always cared about everyone, always providing comfort to everyone around her… But she had trouble giving birth to me, and she had to die because of me… 

If she lived, she would have loved me, and if she didn't, father couldn't have blamed me—even though fantasies of a better life exist, the fact still remains that he blames me and that I am just a useless person, a thing really.

 I relax, my body tired and bruised from all that running. I closed my eyes, looking up at the blank white mist turning into a dark void. There was a subtle breeze, the first breeze I had felt in… Who knows how long…? I blissfully slept while they watched me…

My eyes opened quickly as I awoke, staring up at that same empty white sky. Things were more clear now, the mist seemed to have cleared a bit. I sat up, realizing I could see my house fully, compared to yesterday when I could barely see the front door I ran out of. It was almost as if whatever it was that happened with the eye hadn't happened. I felt… Better?

I looked at the door of my house. Scratching was there, and the mist seemed to come back a bit. This time, I wasn't as afraid as I was the first time, but was still on guard. I walked to the door and opened it, the interior still that black and endless abyss. There was whispering, but I didn't know what it was saying.

A dark hand reached out, and my eyes widened as I saw it. The hand moved toward me at an unnatural speed, but I thankfully was far enough away to be out of its reach and close the door. I kept the door closed, my back against it, as whatever it was was thrashing its hands. Though, I could feel that the abomination behind this door was holding back to just taunt me, one person vs many arms that should have normal human strength.

Then, I looked up and seemed to see two faint human figures in the mist, both seeming to be talking to each other while being turned away. My mind registered that, humans… It's been years! I acted on instinct, running toward the humans as fast as I could. The mist around me had gotten thicker again and only got thicker as I got closer to them.

I looked back and saw that a mass of darkness was chasing me, many arms and eyes writhing in it, "Get… Back here…" As I got closer, probably less than 50 meters away from them, I could see them more clearly. One of them held something in its hand, the other either not knowing or ignoring it. I could hear some distant speaking, presumably from the people. The fog got denser and denser.

Then, the one that was holding the thing, raised their arm, revealing a sharp dagger, before plunging it into the chest of the other person. I was close enough now to where blood splattered on my face, a cold liquid on my face. The haze was so thick that the people still seemed like faint silhouettes, but I could still see them well enough to understand. I stepped back.

The one person repeatedly stabbed the other, not caring seeming to care about me at all. The figure then turned to me before running off. It is only human nature to want revenge for those who have died at the hands of others, so I yet again ran, but this time after someone.

I ran for hours, the mass disappearing and eventually the man too. But… I realized that… What is the meaning of this? The mist only got thicker as I went along… So what was the point? If you couldn't see, then why chase something you couldn't even sense anywhere… I stopped runnìng, just looking around…

I must have ran for miles, but I didn't feel tired… Not at all…. Though, I could see them clearly now. They were like me, but they had stopped existing. The figures were towering and emaciated, only growing in size as I watched them. They have spoken to me, and they know how to stop existing.

"Klscl mbyaoly puav aol tpza aoha klcvbyz, mvy aoll dpss wyvcpkl h whyhkpzl aoha aof dpss luqvf," they said.

And so I did, walking further and further until I noticed something. I couldn't feel my legs, and so I looked down. It didn't surprise me to see that my legs had faded away, into dust, at this point. The fog starves more as you stray further.

I smile, closer than ever. I walked onward, the figures watching my every move, not in a creepy way, but rather they were staring at me proudly, I just knew it. 

My full legs had gone now as I went, as they urged me to follow the mist and what was in its epicenter.

The figures danced as I passed by, excited for another to join them.

"Fvb hyl jsvzl," They claimed, and that they were true.

I reached the supposed epicenter quickly, my body fading away as I got closer.

It seemed to be a monument of monoliths, standing tall and strong despite the mist.

I walked to the inside, and fire surrounded the monument.

A gargantuan eye gazed down at me from the sky.

"-.. --- -. .----. - / ..-. .-. . - --..-- / .--- ..- ... - / .-- .-. .. - . / --- -. . / .-.. .- ... - / -. --- - . --..-- / .- -. -.. / - .... . -. / -.-- --- ..- / -.-. .- -. / .--- --- .. -. / ..- ... / .- - / .-.. .- ... - .-.-.-"

A pencil and paper raised from the ground, along with a piece of stone to which I could write on.

I decided to reflect on what happened, and so I began to write.

'It all began 23 years ago, when my mother had died trying to birth me, and when my father blamed me, and me alone for everything. And, I accept that, it was all my fault for her death. He beat me, and left me to perish several times before I was yet 10. And he was inevitably arrested by the police, when I was 9, after my neighbor caught him in the act.

And after that, I was sent to an orphanage, as my relatives had all disappeared some years ago in the town of Eldridge. And life was rough; nobody cared about me. I would often get beat all over again by bullied all throughout.

The second I turned 18, I found an inheritance from my great-grandfather, Elias Blackwood, one of the oldest people alive, that would give me millions of dollars, as he disappeared soon after my mother died. I fled the more lively town where I had lived and escaped to the country, buying a big old house—mansion really—soon after.

Then, when I first arrived, you had trapped me here with the house, and no one else—something that I didn't know at the time. You provided me with food to make it seem like I Was free, but you knew I was already too far gone. And for five years, you have tormented me, but never truly hurt me physically.

You made me realize something that some don't.

What is the reason to exist when suffering does? That is what most would realize, but I realized more.

Whatever you leave behind will keep you alive and existent in memory, so the only way to stop existing is to never have existed.

The Man Who Never Existed'

My hand faded as I finished. I had achieved all that I had ever wanted.

Thank you, everyone.