I loved Pokémon. The idea of raising partners who'd fight beside you. The idea of creating a show of some sort with them. It appealed to me. I honestly wished there had been a dedicated beauty show for Pokémon. Looking over different fanfictions and reading the story from start to finish I found the anime wonderful. The manga was something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy though. Still the Anime... I loved it. When I watched the show, it was like I had a friend nearby that seemed to understand me. The concepts of the show itself and the what ifs in the series. Hurt me in ways I couldn't understand. Yet they also gave me strength.
Sure, I had talked with others about things I liked. Honestly though, nobody understood the points I brought up. While everyone talked about how cool a fight scene was, and I would agree that most of them were super cool. I found myself more drawn to the personalities of the cast of different anime. The people behind the screen, the what ifs. I wondered what it would be like to live a different fantasy life. Those around me seemed to like the idea from a combat or action perspective. Weirdly enough for them though. I would just love to meet Ash and tell him thank you for everything he had done for my childhood. The shows I had watched were part of who I was growing up and honestly, they felt real to me in a way. Sure, they were fantasy, but some lessons I learned and kept in my heart stayed true, past fantasy. I wished others around me could understand that.
I felt most of my friends were merely that on the surface, and they honestly didn't get my hobbies or the things that made me excited. I had tried joining online chats or see if certain clubs like that existed where I lived, but I was in a more rural area. Online chats also kind of lacked a human touch to them. So, I was frustrated for years, decades. People just didn't click with me. Even when I got a Girlfriend and tried showing parts of who I was. Someone I was generally interested in. Her smile, the way she acted. It was like I finally had found another part of myself. Then it showed over time that they were uninterested in those things. Sure, I didn't expect them to per say love those shows the same way I did, but I'd try.
I'd play they games she loved and was addicted to all the time. Getting into the lore of the game and enjoying myself with her. I tried to learn about her hobbies. Was able to learn trivia about it. We'd go out around town and I would hang out and have a great time with her. But when each day would end, they focused on their own interests and games more. Rarely ever would they set aside their things and just try to learn about the things I liked. Maybe once a week they would give my hobbies a few minutes of attention or they would watch two or three episodes with me. Once they were done, they opened their game or social media or anything else. She had ADHD and blamed it on it, but the thing was. I also had it. Even when I wasn't the most interested in something. I was still interested in her and gave her my time. I realized then... That they weren't really interested in me. I loved them, I'd give my life for them. But they just didn't care.
Still, that was the usual wasn't it. That's how it'd always been. Even my parents never really got into anything I liked. I tried sharing and they would tell me to leave them alone when I was younger. So, with the same thing all my life. I grew tired. I couldn't afford counseling. I didn't make enough for that in a rural area. Prices for that kind of stuff was set to be more affordable for city like areas where they have a higher customer base and can afford to lower the price a bit per individual. So, I went to the one thing I knew. Pokémon, Naruto, Fanfiction, Manga. It didn't matter to me. In those worlds I was a friend of those characters. I was someone who was part of the story. Even if it was from a distance as an observer, or something made up in my head. I think it also kept me alive for those years. I also developed a bit of a love for My Little Pony. The friendship is magic series. Stuffed animals I also gained a bit of a liking for.
I dreamed!!! I hoped for a change. Then the day I hoped for finally came. My death. A freedom from the pain. Still even with all that and still not being the closest with anyone. I just wished all those people a good life in my last moments. That nobody I left behind would feel like I had day in and day out. That they felt loved and never appreciated. For that pain, I would wish on no-one. Who knows... Maybe that's why most hurt in our generation. Most have short attention spans and can't focus on each other's lives when they need it. They procrastinate till it's too late. Well, such thoughts were for someone else though as I felt my consciousness slip from my body.
A mind tore by life, striped from its body by the cold embrace of a truck.