"How dare you! Don't you have any morals!!!"
"This generation is so terrible! Casually posting stuff like this and even laughing at it, how cruel!"
"I'll doxx you then call the police on you!"
"You should've been the one with the gun to your head!!"
MUHAHAHAHA! It seems my trolling paid off, ahaha, these guys are so mad.
I tip my fedora and push my seat in further.
Okay let's look over my current life.
My job is to literally just sit here all day and troll people online, while getting food delivered to me through drones, man this is the life.
I lean back and enjoy some Pepsi. Yes Pepsi does exist in Marvel.
Hmm, whooo should I troll, this is the hardest part about it all! Finding my next victim, hehe...
My laptop screen flashes.
(Message from your boss.)
I hop at the sudden message and quickly open it with my stubby fingers.
(Boss: Congratulations Trollman! I saw your twitter post, and oh man. Man, oh man. The amount of angry people, I should tell you, I prematurely ejaculated in my pants! Just from reading it! You go son, I'll have a system delivered to you by sundown! Dattebayo!)
WTF! He's really at the bottom level of degenerates, ejaculating at the sight of angry comments...
My idol!
I wanna be like him some day...
And what's this about a system? I've read some novels before, and if that's what he's talking about then... FUCK YEAH!
I look towards the door.
Heh, only got to wait till sundown right? TIME TO TROLL!
I hurriedly type up OMagel, an online videochat website where you can talk to random people, perfect for trolling.
I click start and wait for my victim to appear.
...
...
...
(Beep, connected to user: ILikeDonuts8923)
He speaks timidly: "Hello sir, how are you?"
I grin, what a pretty target, young boys like these fall for almost everything.
I start
"Oh good afternoon boy, I'm doing fine."
I speak with that smirk on my face.
"But sir, it isn't afternoon?" He looks confused.
"Uhh, yes it is?" I speak.
"Uhm okay, okay. Anyways sir, have you seen Spiderman on the news lately! He's been beating bad guys left and right! I wanna be just lik-"
I cut him off, waving my hand
"Pfft, Spiderman? what a mediocre super hero. What, a man who can swing webs like a spider? What about a real manly hero like the Hulk?"
He starts looking offended. "Look sir, don't diss spiderman. He's a good guy, strength doesn't make you any more manly."
I shake my head, my fat jiggling: "Actually son, strength is the epitome of masculinity, which you clearly don't have" I nod at his skinny frame.
He looks taken aback, his head flinching. "ME? NOT HAVING STRENGTH"
He looks like he's struggling, looking left and right.
"Look at you! How could you hate on spiderman when you're this overweig-"
I cut him off again, purposefully looking an annoying type of calm while talking over him. "Why be fatphobic, let's just settle this like men. Which you clearly aren't."
He gets visibly upset at my forced calmness. "I-I'm not being fatpho-"
I cut him off yet again, earning a shout from him. "Now now boy, looking down on someone for drinking a lot of water isn't nice."
"CAN YOU STOP TALKING OVER ME!"
I continue trolling him to the best of my ability.
A couple hours later.
He takes a deep breath, tears going down his face with a tomato red skin tone.
Shakily he says. "O-Okay, since you want to be like that, great, you've ruined my day. Happy?" He chokes on a tear. "You've disrespected 9 generations of my ancestors, talked down on all of my favourite hobbies, and made me hate myself. What do you get from all this!" He shouts.
I laugh, snorting. "Um actually, I only disrespected 8 generations of your ancestors!"
"I FUCKING HATE YOU!" He skips.
I laugh, leaning back. What a troll, pretty mediocre but at least he got angry.
Ding!
I look to the delivery chute to see a package.
I jump out of my seat, this must be my system!
Ripping the cardboard up, I get presented with a simple blue rectangular panel that says one word. Start.
I examine the panel, this is probably a troll system, low tier one at that, seeing as I am pretty low ranking in my job.
I turn it around and see a smaller compartment at the back, and I curiously open it up.
A usb?
I connect it to my laptop, and what do you know? A file of the entire systems data shows up! How dumb are these guys.
I excitedly open the folder just to be met with a
"Enter Password"
Great, a password.
Let's try...
"Troll"
"error"
"System"
"error"
What could it possibly be?
I enter many combinations, all being met with error.
My face goes red and I start bashing the keyboard.
"SPERLICALANIONSCRIPTICESTERISHONIENTIONTBATINGTODH)R<37VDP]P.`gj1RI6vQBe(_MD}0cWy'*4Y7W3UJJ17}? "Password entered successfully" I blink. Really? That was the password? What were the chances of that! I excitedly opened the folder. To. Be. Met. With. ... ... A troll face, playing Trololo, with the caption: "You've been trolled! MUHAHAHAHHAHA! ARE YOU SERIOUS! I get so mad I stand up and start throwing stuff across the room, finally cooling down after a couple minutes. I sit back down and try some more passwords. I think hard, what could the password possibly be? I look outside the glass, watching the traffic below and listening to all the sirens and city ambience. When... That's it! The password must be. I stand up, dropping my jeans and start violently masturbating towards the laptop screen. Eh, this is for you!!! Splurtttt My precious seed gets blown all over the laptop screen, and my little children swim to spell out a word. "Y0u'7e b33n Tr0ll3d" A tear falls from my eye, thank you my children. As I wipe my screen, I could've sworn I heard them saying "Goodbye daddy" I enter that word and what do you know, I get in. How did I know that would be the password? Well you see, trollers in this business get off to trolling for some reason, and seeing as any other password would've been met with troll, obviously your seed is the key, Maybe horniness is the counter to being trolled? Who knows. As I access the folder, I see a bunch of files. TrollSystem.exe System1.Bin System2.Bin System3.Bin SystemData.Bin I scoot my mouse over to that System Data file, and open it up, being met with a fuckload of 0s and 1s I've never coded a day in my life, how should I get about doing this... Hmmm.... Yes! That's it! I open up the internet browser and search up "Black Widow feet pics" I save the image then convert it in binary, then add it on to the system data code. Saving the file, I remove the usb from the laptop safely, then return it back to the system panel and add on the compartment. I take a deep breath. Black Widow feet, don't fail me now, I've busted at least 3000 times to you in my past life! That's trillions of children right there! I turn the panel around then click "Start" Moment of truth... Loading... 1% 2% 3% 4% 5% 6% 7% 8% 9% 10% 11% 12% 13% 14% 15% 16% 17% 18% 19% 20% 21% 22% 23% 24% 25% 26% 27% 28% 29% 30% 31% 32% 33% 34% 35% 36% 37% 38% 39% 40% 41% 42% 43% 44% 45% 46% 47% 48% 49% 50% 51% 52% 53% 54% 55% 56% 57% 58% 59% 60% 61% 62% 63% 64% 65% 66% 67% 68% 69% 70% 71% 72% 73% 74% 75% 76% 77% 78% 79% 80% 81% 82% 83% 84% 85% 86% 87% 88% 89% 90% 91% 92% 93% 94% 95% 96% 97% 98% 99% 100% (Ding! System booted successfully, bounding to user...)