Days passed since that night, and Sooah couldn't shake the memory of the kiss. It had been everything she wanted and more—his lips, the brief moment of closeness, the heat that shot through her as she clung to him. But as much as she desired his affection, the consequences of what she had asked for were beginning to settle in her mind.
Jaemin had become colder than ever, but something else had shifted. When he looked at her now, it was different. There was a flicker in his eyes, a restrained wariness that made her heart tighten. She couldn't read him like she used to, but she could feel that he was giving her something she hadn't expected: attention.
It wasn't the kind of attention she had hoped for—the kind that would have him holding her, touching her, comforting her in the ways she once dreamed about. No, it was a new kind of attention. It was calculated. Controlled. Cold, in its own way. He didn't need to say a word, and yet she felt him watching her, studying her every move as if she were a puzzle that needed to be solved.
It started small. He would stand a little closer when they were in the same room, his gaze lingering a little longer than usual. There were moments when he would brush past her, his hand grazing hers, and though he never acknowledged it, she could feel the tension in the air. He never initiated any physical touch, but it was as if he had subtly altered the boundaries between them. He was giving her the affection she wanted, but it was on his terms, not hers.
Sooah didn't care. She would take whatever he offered, however little it was. It was more than she had before. It was enough to make her feel like he still saw her, like she wasn't invisible to him anymore.
One evening, she was sitting on the couch in the living room, feeling the weight of loneliness pressing against her chest once more. Jaemin had come in after a long day, his suit jacket discarded on the back of the chair, his tie loosened at the collar. He looked at her for a moment, his eyes unreadable, before he moved to the kitchen.
Sooah's heart fluttered in anticipation, unsure whether he would say something or just pass by without a word. She couldn't stand the silence anymore, the distance between them that stretched further every day. Her need for him was consuming her, and she didn't care what it took to make him acknowledge her.
"Jaemin," she called out, her voice softer than usual. She was trying to control her desperation, but it was hard. It felt like a battle she was losing with every passing moment.
He paused in the kitchen doorway, his back still turned. "Yes?" His voice was cool, detached, and Sooah felt her stomach twist. It wasn't the warmth she had hoped for, but it was something. It had to be.
"I—" She hesitated, her thoughts scrambled. "I want you to hold me," she said, her voice barely a whisper. She couldn't believe she was asking for this again, but it felt like the only thing that could make the loneliness fade, even for just a moment.
There was a long silence before Jaemin finally spoke, his tone clipped. "I don't have time for this, Sooah."
She felt the sting of rejection, but she didn't back down. "Please. Just hold me. For a minute. I just want to feel something real."
Jaemin sighed, his shoulders stiff as he turned to face her. His eyes met hers, and Sooah's heart skipped a beat at the coldness she saw there. But then, to her surprise, he stepped forward, closing the distance between them.
"Fine," he muttered, his voice low. He stood in front of her for a moment, his gaze still distant, before he slowly lowered himself down onto the couch beside her.
Sooah's breath hitched as he placed his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer in a move that was both familiar and foreign. His body was tense, his muscles stiff, but he was there. He was holding her.
She wanted to say something, to thank him, to somehow express how much this small act meant to her. But she knew that wouldn't be enough. She needed more. She always needed more.
As the minutes passed, Sooah rested her head against his chest, her body trembling slightly from the contact. She could feel the rise and fall of his breath, the steady thrum of his heartbeat beneath her ear. It was enough to make her close her eyes, to block out the ache in her chest, even if just for a little while.
Jaemin, however, felt nothing but disdain for the situation. He couldn't understand why he was even doing this. The touch was almost suffocating in its intensity, but he remained still, forcing himself to endure it. It was not out of love, not out of affection. No, he was giving her this because he had to, because he had no other choice.
And it disgusted him.
Inside, Jaemin was boiling with self-loathing. He had done nothing to deserve her affection, yet she had somehow managed to wrap herself around him in a way that felt like an invisible leash, pulling him back every time he tried to break free. He could feel the Stockholm syndrome settling in, and it repulsed him.
How had she gotten to this point? How had she become so desperate for his affection that she had turned into this?
Sooah's clinging had always been something he resented, but now, seeing her so vulnerable, so willing to beg for him, it was even more unbearable. The worst part was that he hated how she needed him like this. It felt like a power she had over him, and it made him feel weak.
Jaemin couldn't even look at her properly without seeing the damage she had done to him. She had broken him, and he had broken her in return. And yet, here she was, clinging to him with all her might, searching for something in him that he didn't even know if he could give.
After what felt like an eternity, Jaemin finally pulled away from her, his hand dropping from her shoulders as he stood up abruptly.
Sooah stared up at him, her eyes filled with confusion and disappointment, but she didn't dare say a word. She knew better than to push him further.
"I've given you what you wanted," Jaemin said flatly, his voice like ice. "Don't expect more from me. This isn't a game, Sooah."
With those words, he turned and walked away, leaving Sooah staring after him, the emptiness of his rejection settling in her chest like a weight.
But even as he walked away, she couldn't shake the feeling that this was the beginning of something darker, something she couldn't escape from. Jaemin had given her the affection she wanted, but she could see in his eyes that it had cost him something, and she was afraid of what he would do to himself—or to her—if she pushed him too far.
And so, as the days went by, Sooah continued to chase after him, even as she slowly realized that this affection, this attention, would come at a price. A price she wasn't sure she could pay.