You sit on the edge of the bed; the room is darkened, save the faint glow of streetlights through the window. Your mind is heavy, thoughts swirl, a cruel and constant reminder of how it has all turned out. It's all her fault. No, that's not fair. She's not to blame. You could have been stronger, could have seen the signs before it all fell apart, before you shattered into pieces.
But this-this moment-is where it all comes crashing down, isn't it? You're alone now, the bitter taste of alcohol still in your mouth, the burn of it still there, mixing with the pain. That one mistake-no, all of them-have led you to this.
You find yourself thinking back to the beginning, when things felt simple. When Lusie smiled at you, quiet, warm and shy. Soft laughter, like a promise toward better, more real life. You were bold then, weren't you? Or maybe you weren't, just shy enough to believe she wouldn't look twice at you. Yet somehow, she did. She saw you.
And she said yes.
You asked her out one night, under the glow of a fading sunset, and her eyes sparkled when she agreed. That was the beginning of something so beautiful-or so you thought. She was everything to you. And for a time, you were everything to her. But then… then she changed. Lusie became louder, more demanding, but you didn't care.
She wasn't the same, not the way she had been in the beginning, but you could deal with it. You had to deal with it. After all, you loved her. But her demands grew too loud. You felt the weight of her presence smothering you, and yet you couldn't walk away. She broke your heart, and when she did, it was in front of everyone-public and humiliating.
It wasn't supposed to be like this.
You skip class, avoiding the looks, the whispers. You stay in your room, letting the hours slip by in a haze of regret. The alcohol calls to you, soft, gentle-at first, it's nothing but a way to numb the sting. But as the days wear on, you don't care anymore. You start drinking more, losing yourself in the numbness. Her face is everywhere. Her laughter, her touch-it haunts you. She was kind once. Why can't she be kind now?
You start to see her everywhere you go, hear her voice echo in the hollow of your mind. She's there, right in front of you, laughing. You reach for her-but she's gone.
You drive, reckless, angry at everything and everyone. The world doesn't seem so bright anymore, and maybe you're just tired. Tired of it all. The tears blur your vision, the bottle beside you half-empty, the roads blending into each other as you speed through them.
Everything is moving too fast.
You don't remember the crash.
But here you are. Lying in the street. Cold. The world spins, a far-away hum in the ears, the taste of blood filling your mouth. It's hard to breathe, harder to think. Pain everywhere, sharp, jagged, unstoppable.
You didn't mean for this to happen, did you? You wish you could undo it all, fix the past, make things right.
It's too late.
The blood stains your hands, but they're not her hands. It's not her fault. It's your fault. You're the one who drove, the one who let everything get out of control. You're the one who lost sight of what was real.
And now, you're alone.
You whisper her name, but there's nothing left. There's no answer. Only the darkness.
You were telling yourself this story, telling it to the person you used to be, back when you were whole. But the truth is, you're not that person anymore. You'll never be. Because in the end, you let it all slip away.
And now, it's time to face the consequences.