At least, I told myself I wanted to nap. Unfortunately, a lot of my attempted naps end up as me just laying with my eyes closed. I'm not one of these people who can fall asleep whenever they want, I'm actually the opposite. When I was alive, I sometimes joked about how I never "fell asleep", only "passed out". Because it's usually when I have no energy left whatsoever that my body just shuts off on its own and I can finally get rest.
… I don't know if I can get used to talking like that. "When" I was alive, my "first" life, my "home" world, and everything else like it. Death… the end. It's my biggest fear. No longer able to experience anything new, or do anything new. But not only that, I died without fulfilling the only goal I ever had in life: to leave an impact. I wanted to be remembered, I wanted to change people's lives and that it'd hopefully be for the better. But… I'll never know now. Because I'm stuck here, unable to return.
And even if I did, what then? My family is gone, I'd have no one to rely on or support me since everyone who did know me would still assume I'm dead. As much as I hate to admit it, going back wouldn't fix anything. Unless I could time travel as well as world hop, then I would definitely prevent that mess from happening. Just convince everyone to eat out for the night, or maybe stand in front of the car at some point so it'd swerve somewhere else. Why am I even thinking up these ideas if I can't even act on them? It's pointless, all pointless.
… Am I really going to be able to keep living like this? I'm starting to see it in my head over and over again. The orb that Kandance had, the one showing my death, the scene won't leave me alone. If there's something troubling me, I can usually tune it out after a while. All I need is some good food or some funny videos or to have friends to talk to. But… I don't have any of those here, right? I could probably make some appear, but they'd be from this world, not mine. The delights of Earth, my home… I miss them. Why did this have to happen to me?
"GAHHHHH!"
Is she seriously still going?! Ugh, nap time done. I'm dealing with this now.
"DON'T INSULT MY-"
I push her back and cut her off, a resting bitch face showing how much I don't care. Nothing sucks more than having to hear people complain about the same thing over and over.
"Why are you even still here?"
No response from her. So I speak up again.
"You have some power left, even if I do have all the same stuff you used to have. I assume you can go down to Fanto Regauss, and there's clearly been people with cheat powers brought down there. Just rally them up and bring them to kill me before I can learn to use these powers."
Just a blink. I keep going.
"Hell, why even teach me how to use them in the first place? It's like I stole a weapon from you and you're telling me how to effectively use it. You gain nothing from this. You'd be better off trying to find someone who could kill me! Maybe you're already doing so behind my back, huh?! Makes sense coming from someone who laughed at the death of myself and my loved ones, and then threatened to exile me to my doom because I stinked! You clearly have no care for me, so why should I have any care for you?!"
Aaand now her eyes are watering up. Shit, it's making me cry too. I just… I just want this to have never happened. Everyone would be happier. Kandance would have her powers, I'd have my family and my old life to live, and-
"Stop."
Huh?
"I'm not… going to betray you. I can't. You stole my role as this world's Major God, leaving me as a Minor God. I have to borrow powers from you now, and if I try to turn against you, I'll be petrified forever."
Oh…
"Are you happy now? Are you satisfied, seeing me defiled like this? The woman who saw your tragedy as a comedy? Who had no care for your life? Seeing her as your undefying bitch who cannot do anything to harm you?!"
Shit, she's dropping the "holier than thou" voice too.
"All I wanted was to give you a new life. Do you know what happens normally after death in your world?! Because I don't! No one does! One of the reasons that Gods set up these reincarnation systems is because we assume you have no afterlife! We want to give you second chances!"
Bullshit.
"Then why threaten to kill me by sending me to a place with demons?! Second chance, my ass!"
Her face is getting redder from yelling. So is mine.
"It was the heat of the moment and I was caught off guard! I told you that you woke up earlier than expected, so my usual flow was off!"
Shut… shut up…!
"That doesn't change the fact that you considered actually doing it until I spoke up and interrupted your thought process!"
This is making things worse for everyone…!
"... Yes, you're right! And I'm sorry! I let my emotions and attitude get the better of me, and look at what happened! We're both miserable!"
I… I just…
"... Fuck, man."
I fall onto the invisible floor, curl up, and begin to cry. And I can sorta see Kandance doing the same thing.
"Is… is this one of your mortal coping mechanisms?"
"Kind of, yeah. You just comfort yourself and cry until you have no more tears…"
And so, we both cried. She let out way more water than me, I could literally feel a puddle of tears forming underneath both of us. But honestly… it didn't feel bad to do this. Kandance probably thought the same thing.
Which makes me think. If she hasn't been outside to see her own world develop, and her only interactions have been with the people she was here to reincarnate or with whatever else she'd be doing when out… has she had time to just let her feelings out like this?
"... There's a few things I need to ask you, Kandance. And once I'm done… I'll answer whatever you have to ask me."
"Heh… heheh… as if you'd know anything I wouldn't. … No, no I guess there is."
Was that her natural laugh? It's a lot… nicer sounding than the ojou-sama laugh she kept using. I should tell her to use it more often. Though, when I peek out, I see she had fallen asleep on the floor, a snot bubble expanding and contracting as she snored. What a cartoon character she is…
And… yeah, I'm tired too. I've cried myself out of energy. Any moment now, my body will just give out. But for the first time since I've been here, I don't feel alone anymore…