I, Haniya al-Bacchus, am leading a double life. One side of me is the obedient, pious daughter of a traditional Islamic Moroccan family. The other side is "Asaliy"—the up-and-coming global music sensation, known as "Ashley" in the West.
My family has no idea about my music career. I haven't told them, knowing it would upset them deeply.
They see me as a gift from God, a miracle child born through unconventional means—means they once believed were only possible in fiction. But God can turn fiction into reality. Nothing is beyond His power. I was raised with faith, hope, love, and a deep longing for the deity I worship daily.
Living a double life, especially one that contradicts the other, fills me with guilt and self-doubt. But I don't consider myself a hypocrite. I love God and His religion deeply. I was simply born with an angelic voice, a face that draws attention no matter how modestly I dress. Even when I cover myself completely and wear no makeup, men can't help but stare.
When I sing or even speak, my voice captivates people—it has a trance-like effect on them.
This worries my parents. They fear the world will exploit me for my beauty, and honestly, I share that fear.
But I also feel I should take control before the world can take advantage of me. I should use my gifts to prove that I'm the one in charge.
At the age of 12, I began uploading covers of popular songs to social media. It didn't take long for me to become an internet sensation. I was a natural—no mentorship required.
I chose the stage name "Asaliy" (عسلي), meaning "honey-like" in Arabic. I picked this name because I am as sweet, smooth, and charming as honey. My skin also has a golden yellow hue, reminiscent of the substance itself.
Marriage proposals flood in from cousins and the sons of my parents' friends, but I've turned them all down. I have no interest in any of them.
I often feel men are only drawn to my physical presence and the sound of my voice. My deepest wish is to find someone attracted to the essence of who I am, to my very soul. Perhaps that's an unrealistic expectation.
I have a vivid memory of a pilgrimage to the House of God with my parents when I was fourteen. While normally men and women are separated, this place was different. At first, I didn't give it a second thought.
Then, the unsettling reality struck. I was walking through the crowds when several men behind me began groping my back. I was stunned and disgusted. For this to happen in a holy place underscored a disturbing truth about the world.
Abruptly, the unwanted touching ceased. Turning around, I saw a young man with a darker complexion behind me, appearing to ward off the others.
I realized he was part of our travel group. Later, back at the hotel, I noticed him dining alone and took the opportunity to join him.
Part 2
"Haniyy?" My mother called out. "Where are you going?"
"It seems like she wants to eat with him," my father remarked to her. "Let's sit somewhere nearby to keep an eye on them."
Balela Badila and her husband joined my parents' table. "Assalamu alaikum. It's been a while, hasn't it, Sakina?"
"Walaikum assalam, Benesha!" My mother's face lit up with joy at seeing one of her closest friends. "I didn't expect to see you here!"
I turned to the boy. "Can I sit here?" I asked.
"The seat is yours," he replied. I sat down and we began our dinner together.
"Thank you for protecting me," I said softly, grateful for his help earlier.
He looked at me with sincere eyes. "I'm sorry you had to go through something like that."
He was such a sweet, kind-hearted person. Throughout the meal, he kept his gaze lowered to his plate, never once looking directly at me. It was refreshing—this was the first time a guy hadn't been fixated on my looks, and somehow it made me feel even better.
"What's your name?" I asked, breaking the silence.
"Sansula," he answered.
"And your family name?"
"Badila."
The name struck me instantly—Benesha. He resembled her so much.
"Hey," I said, turning to him. "Yeah?" he responded, looking up at me briefly.
"Will you marry me when we're older?"
The question hung in the air, and he stopped eating, clearly surprised by my boldness.
I knew it was sudden, but boys like him were rare, and I felt compelled to claim him before anyone else could. He was everything I could want: handsome, tall, dark, wealthy, noble, and pious.
Before he could respond, a familiar voice interrupted.
"Well, well, if it isn't Haniya," I turned to see Benesha walking up to the table, accompanied by a man… and Lilith?
The three of them casually sat down without an invitation.
"I see you've just met my little brother," Benesha said with a smirk.
"You have a kindhearted little brother," I commented, glancing at Sansula.
Lilith's smile widened. "What makes you say that?" she asked, her tone light but probing.
I turned to Benesha. "What is she doing here?" I asked, my voice low.
"My parents had the brilliant idea of adopting her," Benesha replied with a shrug, her expression unreadable.
Sansula looked between us, confused. "The three of you know each other?"
"We went to the same kindergarten," Benesha explained, keeping her tone casual.
"Anyway," Lilith cut in, a sly glint in her eyes. "How have you been, Haniya? Or should I say, 'Ashley'?"
Her sudden mention of my music career sent a chill through me. What did she know? Was she planning to use it against me? Would she tell my parents?
I quickly regained my composure, giving a nervous laugh. "Ye-Yes… I'm doing well. What about you two?"
"Same here," Benesha answered, a faint smile playing on her lips. "This is Tshikuta Badila, by the way."
"Nice to meet you!" Tshikuta added, smiling warmly.
"Likewise…" I replied, though my focus remained on Lilith, who was studying me with an unreadable expression.
Sansula, ever observant, noticed my discomfort. "Are you okay?" he asked, his concern evident.
Before I could respond, Lilith leaned forward, her smile sweet but insidious. "By the way, Haniyy dear," she said, her voice sugary but laced with malice. "Did you know that Sansula and I are engaged?"
The words struck me like a blow to the chest. I could only stare, stunned into silence.
"I never agreed to the engagement," Sansula murmured, his voice tinged with frustration.
Lilith's smile only grew wider. "That just shows you're still a little kid," she teased, a mocking edge to her tone.
"Well, I'm only 14, after all," Sansula said, his voice softening with an almost apologetic shrug.
"So, you two are going to get married when you're older?" I asked, my voice shaking slightly with a mix of confusion and curiosity.
Sansula answered with a firm "no" just as Lilith responded with a confident "yes." The contradictory answers left me reeling, unsure of what to think.
I looked at Benesha, hoping for some clarity, but she just shrugged, her face inscrutable.
The weight of the conversation settled heavily on me. If Sansula was engaged, my chances with him seemed hopeless. Yet, his lack of enthusiasm for Lilith's advances gave me a flicker of hope. There was still a chance… maybe.
Part 3
After our pilgrimage to the House of God, my parents and I returned to Rotterdam, the Netherlands. I quickly fell back into my music, and before long, I had a manager. People were eager to see me perform live, though the idea of stepping onto a stage terrified me. I had never done it before.
But I pushed through my fears. Whenever I performed, I shed my usual garments and headscarf, transforming into someone entirely different. On stage, I became fierce and vocal, drawing the audience into my performance. It was as if I could control them, swaying them with every note and movement. They were captivated, hypnotized by my very presence.
As I became a celebrity in the Netherlands and abroad, my performances began to make waves. Videos of my shows spread worldwide, and the world grew curious about the mysterious "Asaliy." Despite my growing fame, people noticed something strange: I was never seen outside of my concerts. Rumors began circulating that I was not real, that I was an AI hologram. The idea was almost comical, but it made sense to them—they couldn't fathom a girl so angelic, so captivating, existing in the real world. I guess they thought I was too perfect to be human.
Maria seemed to have been mistaken for me at times, though I could tell she wasn't thrilled by the attention.
The truth was, I was still covered from head to toe, and that was part of the mystery. I hid myself from the public eye, choosing to only reveal myself through my performances, but the world was becoming obsessed with finding the truth behind the angelic voice and face.
At 17, I attended an Islamic lecture in Amsterdam, focusing on chastity. After the lecture, as I was heading back to Rotterdam, I was surprised to run into Sansula.
It had been three years since I'd last seen him. "Sansula!" I called out, excitement bubbling up inside me.
He turned around, his eyes widening in recognition. "It's been a while!" He smiled warmly.
"How are you? Are you and your sister doing well?"
"Yes, thank God," He answered, my heart fluttering. "What about you?"
"I've been doing well," I answered, blushing. He looked even more handsome and manly than I remembered.
I took a deep breath, my words slipping out before I could stop them. "Are you still available for my proposal?"
His expression shifted, and he sighed, glancing away. "It's better if you forget about me," he murmured.
I felt a knot tighten in my chest. "But why?" I asked, my voice trembling. "Are you going to marry Maria after all?"
"No," Sansula replied, his voice quiet but firm.
"Then what is holding you back from being with me?" I asked, my voice laced with frustration.
He shifted uneasily, trying to change the subject. "Aren't you going back home?"
"I came here by myself," I replied. "It's getting late now, so I think I'll stay at a hotel in Amsterdam."
He paused, as if considering something, then nodded. "I'll see you around then." With that, he turned and walked away, leaving me standing there alone.
I made my way to the nearby hotel, only a short 10-minute walk away. As I walked, I heard a soft, melodic hum coming from behind me. It was a girl, singing quietly as she moved along. Her voice was familiar, but I couldn't quite place it.
Unbeknownst to me, the girl was Maria. She was covered from head to toe, her appearance strikingly similar to mine. As she sang, a group of three guys nearby took notice. Her voice, though beautiful, caught their attention in a less-than-ideal way.
Maria turned around, winking at them and blowing a playful kiss. Then, as if on cue, she ran off, disappearing from their view. They didn't know who they had just encountered, but they mistook me for her when they came across me next.
I halted in my tracks and turned to face them, sensing their gaze.
"Got a nice voice, miss," one of them said, a smirk playing on his lips. "Are you from around here?"
I looked them over, my patience wearing thin. "Can't you see I'm covered from head to toe? I'm not the type of girl you should be bothering. Goodbye." I turned to walk away, but one of them grabbed my shoulder, stopping me.
"You're not going anywhere," he sneered. "Why don't you entertain us a little more with your singing? Maybe you can remove those garments and headscarf while you're at it?"
Panic rose within me. "No, please stop! I don't want to do that!" I pleaded, my voice trembling.
But they weren't listening. They slowly began to strip away my garments and headscarf. People walked past, some glancing briefly, but no one intervened.
The helplessness I felt in that moment was overwhelming, but I knew I had to find a way to regain control.
Part 4
"Didn't you hear her say that she doesn't want it?" I recognized the voice immediately. It was Sansula.
"Huh? Who the hell are you?" the guys retorted.
Before they could react, Sansula moved swiftly. In a matter of seconds, he had them on the ground, utterly defeated. They scrambled to their feet and ran off, clearly frightened. I hadn't realized just how strong he was.
"The cops have already been called," he said calmly. "So don't worry. Are you okay?"
I collapsed to the ground, overcome with emotion. Tears began to fall freely as humiliation and violation flooded me. Sansula knelt beside me, gently picking up my garments and headscarf. He walked me to the hotel, making sure I was safe.
Once we were inside the room, he positioned his body so he faced the door, deliberately avoiding looking at me. I sat on the bed, my body exposed and vulnerable.
"I'm so sorry you had to go through that, Haniya," he said softly. "You should rest. Go back home tomorrow morning."
I felt a deep sense of dread. "Are you leaving?" I asked, my voice trembling. "I'm scared. Can you stay the night?"
He paused, clearly uncomfortable. "You know that's not an option," he replied gently. "You just attended a lecture about chastity."
"I'm only asking you to stay for my safety," I implored, stepping closer. "Please, don't leave me, Sansula."
I stood up from the bed and approached him, my heart pounding. He immediately averted his gaze, but I cupped his face in my hands, forcing him to look at me.
"Are you perhaps attracted to me, Sansula?" I asked in a soft, seductive tone.
He pulled away slightly, his discomfort evident. "Don't do this..."
"I don't want any man's attention except for yours," I whispered, my voice low and enticing.
He hesitated. "I can't give it to you, I'm sorry."
"Why not?" I murmured, drawing closer. The natural musk of my fragrance, the allure of my honey-toned skin, my deep blue eyes and curly gray hair—all of it worked to draw him in.
"You are my Adam, Sansula," I continued, my voice growing more urgent. "I know we're forbidden from being in this situation, but please, stay with me. Just for tonight..."
There's an undeniable magnetism about me, a charismatic aura that seems to inspire a certain…devotion in others, sometimes manifesting in desires that could be considered depraved.
My presence seemed to stir something within Sansula. Perhaps it was my appearance, the timbre of my voice, the way I moved, or even the intensity of my gaze. Or maybe it was the musky scent I naturally possess, amplified to an almost intoxicating level. It felt as though I was subtly guiding him toward acts considered beyond the pale.
He moved closer, the moment pregnant with the possibility of a kiss, before hesitating. I closed the remaining distance, an unintentional stumble leading to us falling onto the bed. My lips met his in a surprising, intimate collision. From that accidental spark, a deeper connection ignited, a bonding that transcended the physical.
"You know I lead a double life, don't you?" I murmured.
"Oh?" He replied, a hint of curiosity in his voice.
"Yes, I'm Asaliy, the musician."
"That actually explains quite a lot," He admitted, a realization dawning.
"And your secret, Sansula?" I inquired softly.
"That I spent the night here, with you," he confessed.
"And any others?" I teased, a playful chuckle escaping my lips.
"I'm not sure…"
I drifted to sleep enveloped in his arms, my mind replaying a vivid dream: the world consumed by a meteor, the sky bleeding red. I couldn't help but wonder at the symbolism.
The next morning, at the train station, I offered a genuine smile. "Thank you for everything, Sansula. Until next time."
I was captivated by Sansula Badila. In him, I saw something akin to a savior, my Adam. As female homunculi, we are all inherently Eves, and I believed I had found my destined counterpart.
It turned out we both applied to the "Utrecht Metropolitan Self-Development School." The prospect of seeing him again filled me with anticipation.
A few months later, in Tokyo, I stood on stage for my concert. It was a milestone – my first song written entirely in Japanese. Adorned in a kimono, I began to sing this song titled:
"運命の予兆 (Unmei no Yochō - Harbinger of Destiny)".
Here are the lyrics:
赤い海に染 (some) る空 (sora)
Akai umi ni someiru sora
涙 (なみだ) の雨が死 (し) の滝 (たき) に なる
Namida no ame ga shi no taki ni naru
実在 (じつざい) のように僕の静脈 (じょうみゃく) から
Jitsuzai no yō ni boku no jōmyaku kara
血 (ち) が流 (なが) れゆく瞳 (ひとみ) も血 (ち) に染 (そ) まる
Chi ga nagare yuku hitomi mo chi ni somaru
これは一つの人類 (じんるい) の定め (さだめ) だっ た
Kore wa hitotsu no jinrui no sadame datta
壊 (こわ) れてしまった心 (こころ) の欠片 (かけら)
Kudakete shimatta kokoro no kakera
最初から失 (なく) され るはずだった命 (いのち) を語る
Hajime kara nakusareru hazu datta inochi o kataru
人依 (ひとより) に繋が (つなが) ってもそれは別れ (わかれ) のためだけ
Hitoyo ni tsunagatte mo sore wa wakare no tame dake
上から (うえから) の予言 (よげん) は下の (したの) 終わり (おわり) を予言 (よげん) した
Kami kara no yogen wa shita no owari o yogen shita
悲しみ娼婦 (かなしみしょうふ) と呼ばれた彼女は魔女 (まじょ) と言われた
Kanashimi no娼婦 (shōfu) to yobareta kanojo wa majo to sareta
しかしもとうとう彼女が正しかった (ただしかった) と気づくだけ
Shika mo tōtō kanojo ga tadashikatta to kizuku dake
An unforeseen impact Sky dyed crimson by seas coloring red Raindrops turn into waterfalls of death As real as the blood running out of my veins Turning the color of my eyes bloodstained This was all humanity's predestined fate The shattered fragments of broken hearts Speak of the lives meant to be lost from the start Why do souls mate, only to depart? A vision from above prophesied the end of what is below They called her a witch, the Whore of Sorrow Only to realize, in the end, she was right all along
The audience was completely captivated by my performance, as usual, but I couldn't help but notice a hint of fear in their eyes. The intensity of my own emotions during the song made it all the more unsettling.
I had to admit, I too felt a deep sense of unease about what I had just sung. It wasn't like me to create something so dark. I wasn't sure what had inspired it, but the dream I had about the blood meteorite months ago had to be a part of it. The imagery from that vision seemed to have seeped into the lyrics without my conscious control.
Amid the crowd, I spotted familiar faces—Sansula, Benesha, Maria, Tshikuta—and… Minah Sawada? I hadn't seen her in ages.