Dear Shumei:
Greetings.
Yesterday, I had the honor of encountering the Wu King, who bestowed two baked cakes upon me. My husband and son shared them. Confucius once said that one should repay a drop of water with a spring of gratitude. Although there are rumors that the Wu King is suspicious and looks down on scholars, a true man cannot ignore gratitude. I intend to serve under him, what do you think?
Recently, it's been chilly in spring, remember to wear more clothes. Both our parents fear the cold, remind them to take care. Everything is fine with me, don't worry.
Sincerely,
Zan
Dear Shumei:
Greetings.
Thankfully, the Wu King accepted me, allowing me to stay as a guest in the mansion. Though he doesn't smile much, he treats people generously. Knowing my sincerity, he hasn't mistreated me, granting me a south-facing room, three dishes and one soup daily, without restricting my movements or asking where I've been. I believe the Wu King is broad-minded and trusts people, perhaps those rumors about his suspicion and cruelty are false.
Spring equinox brings gentle breezes. Though busy farming, remember to take breaks, don't overwork yourself. Everything is fine with me, don't worry.
Sincerely,
Zan
Dear Shumei:
Greetings.
Yesterday, Minister Cheng Hu invited the Duke to visit. Coincidentally, General Cao was ill, so I accompanied him. Cheng Lao is renowned for his vast knowledge, and meeting him confirmed my admiration. Our son Cheng has the opportunity to study under him, promising a bright future. Yesterday, while meeting Cheng, we discussed the marriage proposal from Cheng Hu, which the Duke politely declined. I wonder why.
Although the emperor has designated his eldest son as the heir, the Duke's mother was once the empress. With Cheng Hu's support, perhaps there is a chance. I will ask the Duke for clarification at an appropriate time.
It rains frequently during Qingming, remember to carry an umbrella. Father's rheumatism requires rest, don't overwork him. Everything is fine with me, don't worry.
Sincerely,
Zan
Dear Shumei:
Greetings.
A few days ago, I spoke briefly with the Duke about the marriage proposal. He succinctly replied that he didn't want to burden Cheng's family and refused to elaborate. Yesterday, he sent 100 taels of silver and asked me to leave. Now staying in an inn, if the Duke does not change his mind, I may return.
Summer heat brings mosquitoes, hang wormwood in the house to repel them. Everything is fine with me, don't worry.
Sincerely,
Zan
Dear Shumei:
Greetings.
I coincidentally met our son Cheng, learning that a plague ravaged the western camp, and the Duke nearly died. Remembering our bond, I brought a small gift to visit him. Allowed entry but not permitted to see him, I instructed the steward to inform him that I wish to return, staying in the guest quarters until he recovers.
I suspect there were reasons for his previous dismissal. I will wait and decide later.
Mid-Autumn Festival approaches, I cannot return home, wishing the moonlight connects us. Everything is fine with me, don't worry.
Sincerely,
Zan
Dear Shumei:
Greetings.
Since entering the mansion, a year has passed. Last night, the Duke invited me to dine, revealing his intentions.
Omitting palace secrets, the Duke, born of the former empress, the emperor's legitimate son, has no ambitions for fame or power, nor desires for the throne. His passion lies in defending the country. However, he is disliked by the crown prince, facing numerous challenges, losing military command, rendering his position as general nominal. Dismissing me earlier was due to despair. Had he not fallen ill, he might have been expelled from the capital by the crown prince.
Deeply moved, the Duke provided travel expenses to avoid implicating innocents. Such a virtuous person, I cannot abandon. I hope you understand.
February is cold, farming is idle, stay indoors. I used the silver gifted by the Duke to buy a silver hairpin, three cotton coats, sending them along with this letter. Everything is fine with me, take care.
Sincerely,
Zan
Dear Shumei:
Greetings.
Today, I accompanied the Duke to a banquet at the palace. The emperor mentioned the Duke's marriage, which he still refused. The emperor was displeased, and a lady defended the Duke, only to be mocked by the crown prince. Impulsively, the Duke requested to marry her, resolving the situation. However, she is the sister of the crown prince's wife, potentially causing complications. Discussing with Ziyan, we need to prevent this.
Recently, a brother-sister duo claiming to be distant relatives of Empress Xiaoling arrived, proposing a betrothal. Though not entirely trustworthy, her genuine affection might provide support. Marrying her could offer the Duke a chance to regain power.
The plum trees behind the house are ripe. If children pick them, overlook it. If Zhang Erma comes to steal, give him a basin of washing water.
Everything is fine with me, don't worry.
Sincerely,
Zan
Dear Shumei:
Greetings.
With the new emperor's ascension, the Duke was demoted, and I followed him to Gan Prefecture. This journey has no foreseeable end, and survival is uncertain. Please do not wait in vain. Enclosed is ten taels of silver, wishing you to find another partner, starting anew, ensuring happiness for you and our son.
Sincerely,
Zan
Dear Shumei:
Greetings.
Received your letter, deeply moved by your unwavering affection. Gan Prefecture is desolate, war-torn, with scarce food and clothing. Snow covers the ground, frost clings to beards, but your words warm my heart and fill my belly. If I return victorious, I will ensure a grand wedding with red decorations and cheers, marrying you into the Bai Li family.
Ink freezes, preventing further writing. Take care.
Tearfully written,
Zan
Dear Shumei:
Greetings.
After being ill and unable to write, I feel better today and decided to reply. Chao Yan Mountain is covered in snow, presenting a beautiful sight. Perhaps one day, we can enjoy it together.
Sincerely,
Zan
Dear Shumei:
Gales rage beyond the sky, flags break, and horses kneel. Missing you thousands of miles away, sleepless nights haunted by dreams reflected in mirrors.
Sincerely,
Zan
Dear Shumei:
Cui Yi chewed on the pen, struggling to continue. Having never written letters, especially not to someone else's wife, he wondered how Bai Li Zan managed. Regretting not reading his previous letters, he was interrupted by Cao Qian, bloodied and panicked: "Your Highness, the imperial army is upon us!"
"So soon!" Cui Yi was shocked, quickly scribbling a note, tossing the pen aside. "Zhonghang, fold the letter and send it to Gong County."
Cao Qian hesitated: "Gong County?" Glancing at the note, he was stunned: "Your Highness! Is this wise? Master already..."
Cui Yi put on his helmet, coldly instructing: "Just do it, stop questioning."
Outside the tent, chaos reigned. Emperor Qisheng surrounded Bailingang with a vast army. Despite his reputation as a war god, even Cui Yi couldn't break through with a twenty-fold disadvantage.
However, extending the happiness of those still alive before dying was a comfort.
"I am here, come and claim my life!"
With this final battle cry, the great Chu war god, Duke Wu Cui Yi, led fewer than five thousand remnants in their last stand.
Meanwhile, the pigeon carrying the letter finally flew out of the encirclement.
New Year's Eve. Gong County.
Xu Shi tearfully received the eagerly awaited letter from the messenger.
"Dear Shumei: I am well, hoping you are too. Sincerely, Zan."
Feeling the pain of a broken family, he understood more deeply why his mother insisted that he should marry only one woman in his life. Because a man's infidelity and departure is an unhealable wound for a family.
In the following sixteen years, many people asked him if he loved her, and how much he loved her, but they were all rivals in love.
Nian Jiaojiao herself was lively, cute, and very likable. The Nian family was wealthy and influential, being famous merchants in Yan Zhou. There were countless men who wanted to marry her, forming a long line. They despised Xu Cheng, a poor boy who seemed to have gotten lucky by marrying into wealth.
But Nian Jiaojiao said, "Who cares about them? Their mouths are on their bodies, and so are their behinds. Can you control what they say?"
Xu Cheng's rough face turned red with embarrassment: "That's not... You can't talk like that..."
"Why not? They just want my father's money. Why should you care about them?"
"I mean, a lady shouldn't talk about... behinds... so casually..."
"..."
Nian Jiaojiao pouted, her eyes rolling as she said, "You don't like it? Then I won't say it anymore."
His fiancée was indeed an impeccable girl, though a bit young. Since childhood, she had always protected him, her future husband. Whenever she had something good to eat or play with, she would always share it with him. She even learned needlework and embroidered a handkerchief for Xu Cheng, although the stitches were crooked and uneven, making a large peony flower that he dared not show in public.
Old Master Xu said age wasn't an issue, but in reality, there were some minor issues. In the Great Chu, men usually got married at twenty, but Xu Cheng had to wait. During this time, many friends tried to drag him into brothels. He could refuse once or twice, but he couldn't resist a group of people pulling and pushing him. After a few cups of wine, he woke up to find himself in trouble.
For normal men, visiting brothels was common, but Xu Cheng felt guilty and went to apologize to Nian Jiaojiao. She waved her hand generously: "This time, let it go. Don't go again. Those people are dirty themselves, trying to corrupt others. Don't hang out with them anymore." She then ordered her men to punish those troublemakers severely.
Xu Cheng was moved by her generosity—his own father would have beaten him senseless. He vowed in his heart that such a thing must never happen again!
Absolutely never!
However, things did not go as planned. On another morning after a night of drinking, Xu Cheng looked at the person lying beside him and the scratches all over his body, almost dying from shock.
Why was this happening?!
He had been careful to avoid all women around him but had overlooked that drugging someone wasn't something only women did.
Shan Jian remained calm. Seeing his depressed expression, knowing he couldn't accept it, he disappeared for a few days.
To him, after Cui Huan died, everyone around him was just entertainment. There was no real commitment. When he was lonely, he sought company. If the other party refused, he didn't force it.
But Xu Cheng was different from his previous conquests. Despite being tricked, this straightforward and righteous man still regarded him as a friend. Normally, they might have glossed over the incident, but when Xu Cheng heard that Shan Jian had been drinking in a male brothel in Xuanzhou for three days straight without moving, he went to find him.
"Don't drink so much," Xu Cheng said, seeing the drunkard unable to tell left from right, still demanding more wine and women. Xu Cheng felt deeply helpless.
Shan Jian burped and pushed him away: "Don't bother me. The city has already been taken, can't I entertain myself?"
Xu Cheng sighed: "Drinking is bad for your health. Your wounds haven't healed yet. Are you trying to kill yourself?"
Shan Jian lay on the table and grumbled: "Wutong trees grow old together, mandarin ducks die in pairs... Living alone has no meaning. Dying drunk is better..."
Xu Cheng knew little about his past and wasn't fond of gossip, so he asked, "Do you have someone you love?"
Shan Jian mumbled drunkenly: "Dead, dead... Told him not to drink... But he insisted..."
So he had loved someone who died, explaining his perpetual loneliness. His sharp tongue and venomous heart made sense now. Losing someone he loved, he saw the whole world as his enemy.
After that, Xu Cheng began to take more care of him, bringing him things, inviting him to drink, offering encouragement and comfort. To this straightforward warrior, as long as someone was alive, there was always hope. Shan Jian was still young; losing one person meant finding another.
But he never expected that "another" would be himself.
When Shan Jian, under the influence of alcohol, made advances towards him, Xu Cheng suddenly realized how far things had strayed from his expectations. When he said "no," Shan Jian's expression froze instantly, and the drunkenness vanished.
Shan Jian threw the wine jug and left without a word.
Xu Cheng pondered for several days before seeking him out to clarify his intentions, but Shan Jian refused to listen.
"Do you love her?"
The same question was posed again.
Shan Jian, usually indifferent to matters around him, now seemed aggressive.
Xu Cheng nodded, answering him.
"Do you love her? How much do you love her? Have you slept with her? Has she given you true happiness? Do you really know what you want?"
Xu Cheng swallowed and honestly replied, "No matter what, I will marry her."
Shan Jian asked again, "Do you love her?"
Xu Cheng could only say, "Yes."
It seemed the word wounded Shan Jian's heart, leaving him speechless for a long time.
Xu Cheng stood up, supporting himself on his knees: "The emperor has summoned us back to the capital. We leave in three days."
Shan Jian coldly responded, "Doesn't he know I don't want to go back?"
"The emperor said in his letter that if you don't want to return, you can stay in Yan Zhou or go wherever you wish," Xu Cheng walked towards the door. "But I must go back. Jiaojiao is waiting for me."
Shan Jian was stunned again, waiting until he reached the door before gathering all his strength to ask, "Will you come back?"
Xu Cheng paused briefly, shaking his head: "No, we shouldn't see each other or contact each other anymore."
This was a final farewell. Xu Cheng vowed in his heart that they would never meet again.
And indeed, they never did. Cui Yi announced the tragic news in court, and everyone sighed, except Xu Cheng, who was stunned in the Ming Hall.
He was actually dead?
Because he had rejected him?
The person he once loved was a prince, someone so refined and distinguished compared to him. After Cui Huan's death, he had managed to live on, but after Xu Cheng's rejection, he chose to end his life?
Why? Xu Cheng dared not think too much. Was it because he had cruelly extinguished the desire to live that Shan Jian had barely managed to cultivate, or...
After parting ways with Changsun Chiyin outside the Ming Hall, Xu Cheng returned home, closed the study door, and retrieved the crumpled letter from the envelope he had thrown in the corner.
"If you won't come back, then let me come back. If you don't want to see me, it doesn't matter. Let me use death to ensure our meeting every Qingming Festival."
Xu Cheng held the crumpled letter and wept uncontrollably.
The short lines on the letter quickly dissolved in his tears, turning into dark ink stains. No one would ever know what was written there.
One day without seeing you makes me miss you like crazy.
Without being able to fly with you, I am lost.