My family was one of those rare multi-child families these days.
A family of five siblings, with two older sisters above me and two younger sisters below me.
When I told them this, they were surprised that we were so well off and used to joke that we were never bored at home.
"The reality," I said, "is that we lock ourselves in our rooms and never go out.
Contrary to expectations of a hectic lifestyle, as MZers we were very individualistic.
We all had our own rooms at home and, as the younger ones grew up, we saw each other less and less.
"This is only natural," I thought, "because we have different standards of living, different tastes, different hobbies and different personalities.
Well, I was particularly isolated from the other children.
Sometimes, when we got together in the living room, my two older sisters would naturally join in and talk about work, while my two younger sisters would talk about college.
I'm the only man in the room, and I could talk all night about the army or college problems.
Hmm, I don't think that would be any fun.
I can't help being a loner.
Now that I think about it, I wasn't really lonely or a loner.
It's just that after I left the army I went through my old albums and got lost in memories of what it was like when I was younger.
I remember when my mum and dad were at home, it must have been nice.
I was too young to remember.
They'd both been travelling a lot for work since we were in kindergarten.
"On my father's side... I'll never see him again.
My parents travelled a lot, both at home and abroad.
One day we received the news that my father had been in a serious accident and had died.
We were in primary school at the time.
We were old enough to realise that someone had died, but not old enough to accept it.
"Maybe it got weird after that," I thought, "because my mum... she was always weird, but she didn't come home anymore.
Now, as an adult, I understand.
Emotionally, it must have been difficult for her to move into a house without him, and she practically had to run around raising us five siblings.
And yet somewhere in the back of my mind I feel a sense of regret, longing and resentment....because I'm drunk on the thrill of the night and a little sensual.
I close the album, scratch my head and go to the kitchen to get a glass of water.
"Ouch, sis."
"Terra, are you still sleeping?"
"Sis... what are you doing at this hour?"
As I picked up my glass, I bumped into Soo-jung, the eldest of the family.
She approached me with her wavy hair thrown over her shoulder.
She was wearing an old sleeveless T-shirt and short dolphin pants as pyjamas, the fabric slightly tight, and I looked away.
"It's 1am, sis, aren't you going to work tomorrow?"
Crystal asked, her bra-less breasts helplessly exposed, as if she thought I couldn't see them in the dark.
I looked down at the floor, then at the table, then back at the clock, trying to be polite to her.
"I'm off tomorrow, Mum said we should spend some time together with the family."
"Your mum...? Your sister called you?"
"Yes. I made an announcement in the family chat yesterday... Didn't you read it again?"
"Oh, sorry. After you nagged me to take out the rubbish the other day, I switched off the alarm clock."
"Whatever. If I'd seen you, I'd have told you straight out, but I can't even see your face... Are you upset?"
Crystal pursed her lips and took a step closer to me.
She reached out and stroked the top of my head, and I couldn't help but feel embarrassed by her touch.
"Even if you set your alarm to contact me at least once a day, don't you think you'll regret it later if you let your family get too far away?"
"Mmm... I'm sorry, sister."
"Not so much as an apology. Hmph, my district, isn't your allowance tight these days?"
"Sister, the army pays a lot of money these days, you're talking to someone who just left the army."
"Hmph, that's right, this boy has already been in the army... time flies."
"He's only three years older than you, don't you treat him like a child?"
"Three years is a lot, and I've been raising him since you were a baby."
"Save it for the youngest. ... I'm grateful in more ways than one."
I was embarrassed, but I thanked him in the night air.
After all, it was the eldest daughter, Soo-jung, who had acted as protector in her parents' absence.
As I scratched my cheeks, lowered my head and swallowed water to cover my mouth, she giggled and turned to me.
"Hehe, you're really growing up, aren't you, third child, and you say all these things without giving a damn?"
"Well, don't get too close. It's embarrassing."
"What, are you embarrassed because you confessed your love to your sister?
"Oh, don't confess your love. It's just a thank you, don't exaggerate."
"I see, you're ashamed of our planet."
"Don't say that again, save it for the younger ones."
Apparently amused by my sister's teasing, she even patted my bottom and puckered her lips.
The "woo-woo-woo" was embarrassing, but the pat on the bottom was even more embarrassing, and worse... her breasts rubbed against my chest.
You should be careful. A grown woman, really.
For a moment I wondered if she was like that on the outside.
I put the mug down and hugged her to my side.
"Kaak?! Ji, are you from Earth?"
"You've been through a lot too... Thank you for always looking out for us."
"Huh? Ah, heh, heh... I'm so embarrassed to have my compliments returned."
"After all the teasing you've done?"
"I didn't hug like that... Mmm. My Earth, you've really grown up, haha".
It was funny to see the older sister, who was so easy to attack, freak out when she was attacked the other way round.
I thought I'd had enough revenge, so I let go of my arms and heard someone coming down the stairs from the second floor.
"... What are you two doing?"
"Oh, it's Geum-bi."
"Oh, Goldie, what's wrong with you? We're all sleep deprived."
"That's not normal, it's been a long time since we went on holiday... But what are you two doing in the middle of the night?"
It was Geumbi, the second oldest of the family, who entered the kitchen.
Her hair, tied on one side, swayed as she walked in that direction.
On the other hand, I could feel her unwavering eyes staring at me.
"Terra, you're not doing anything weird with your sister, are you?"
"What? Oh no, that's not possible, is it?"
"Hmph~ It doesn't matter. It's such an ugly world."
Geumbi had come to drink water like me, so she walked past us and poured water from the tap.
I don't know if the warning she gave me was just for fun, but she didn't seem too suspicious.
"Those natural eyes," I thought to myself, "are scary. Phew, I've woken you up in the middle of the night.
Seeing no reason to hold her any longer, I released her from my arms.
But instead of moving away, she came closer, rubbed my earlobe and whispered.
"You must have grown a lot, Terra. Now you have the strangest misunderstandings, hehe."
"You think that's funny? You don't do that out there, do you?"
"Why? Are you worried?"
"Of course I am, you're too soft on people."
"I wouldn't do that to anybody else. It's family, it's family."
I suppose that's true.
She's the only one close to me, a man, so I can't help but worry about her more than the others.
"You two have been together for so long."
"Oh Geum-bi, why don't you hold me? Our second child was lonely."
"Forget it, don't hold me. You're making me hot."
"Eing, don't be shy, come here, me~"
"Ah, sis, I told you not to do that! Aww, really..."
Luckily, Soo-jung's attention was soon diverted to Geum-bi, and I took the opportunity to rush back to my room.
Soo-jung doesn't mind, but if she sees me like this, she'll say something.
"Goldie, you're scary when you're angry, you need to take care of yourself, phew".
When you have a sweet older sister who feels like a protector and a substitute for mum.
The role of the second sister, Geumbi, was to take over from the first sister and bring discipline to the family.
Looking at the two of them, a year apart and so different, I went back to my room and logged on to the family chat room.
"Actually, I've made an announcement. Tomorrow at 10 o'clock, video call from the living room... What the hell, Mum's back."
I wondered if she'd been back for a while, but it seems she's still abroad.
The loneliness I had masked with the album threatened to creep up on me, but the warmth of Soo-jung's hug earlier in the day comforted me.
No matter what, it's too helpless, no wonder I can't go to the second floor.
She looked up to the second floor where her sister and brothers' rooms were.
I quietly closed the door and got ready for bed... I turned on a video of short films on New Tube.
Soo-jung made me feel a little better.
I didn't fall asleep right away, so I enjoyed the freedom I hadn't had in the army.
I managed to stay awake until 5 in the morning.
At 9 o'clock, I barely opened my eyes when Geum-bi's sister opened the door.
"What were you doing up all night? Get up, get up, get up."
She didn't enter the room, but stood outside shouting at me as she left.
I rubbed my eyes and went back to bed, thinking this was the distance between siblings.
The meeting isn't until 10, so I can sleep for another 30 minutes.
-This thought was interrupted five minutes later when Geumbi threw a sofa cushion at me.