"Novel?"
I turned my attention from my work desk to my Junior after hear her request.
Smile of confidence is shaped perfectly at her face as she show me her phone.
Her phone screen is displaying an overview of a Novel.
"Lilac's Purity?"
She nodded at my words.
"T-that's right, Senior! It is my Novel, my best, m-my masterpiece! L-look how much my novel gained readers..."
I look at where her finger pointing and somewhat surprised.
"Two million views..."
This girl, Risa, is a new coworker recently hired in this Company of us.
As the one tasked to be her supervisor I knew that she often typing something not related to the job, but to think that she turned out to be writing a novel, dan even the succeed one at that...
She's skilled.
And talented.
To the point that even make me feel envy.
"I heard that Senior once wrote some novels too... right?" Risa asked, her tone is mix of anxiety and curiosity.
Smiled, I nod.
"Yeah, indeed. Just a little bit... Haha."
Yes, that's was a dream that shadow my younger times.
However, unfortunately, I am is not the successful minority chosen by Author God.
Despite all the efforts I poured.
Despite the countless ideas and inspirations I burn.
At the end, everything is nothing but a vain.
The only trail of all that burned efforts is a dozen of failed Novel pile up at my account.
Just a little bit... Yes, I just gained a bit.
From all of that...
Either it's because of talent difference or because of other factors, I don't know, but this is just an normal occurrence.
No matter how much and times you tried, the succeed seemingly is something so distant to reach.
But for other, it's different.
For them, whose chosen, the succeed is something so close; so mush easier to reach.
Almost in no time, they just do it, then boom, success!
As if it was just that easy.
They made all that long time efforts looked like a mere joke.
So... Unfair.
Risa looked so pleased hearing my confirmation.
"T-Then... C-can Senior please read my novel and... H-help me with some review?"
Shit...
I forced a smile dan answered: "Sure..."
"T-Thank you so much, Senior!"
***
Come to think about it, maybe that time is the beginning of all.
The beginning of this madness.
The starting point of my great mistake.
At that time, I swallowed by enviousness.
I am blinded by the long buried frustration, despair, exhaust, dan longing in the deep of my heart—My dream to become an renowned Novelis.
I just can't accept that.
I am... Weak.
Up to mere impusive, I typed a bad review that ignored every main special quality and attraction capacity of the Novel and solely focused to spotlight the lack and the mistake.
An useless and non-benefical action... I knew and awared myself and yet, I can't stop.
I just... Can't.
Just... Why?
Why them can while I am not?
Why she can?
What makes her able to?
What makes us different?
I guess... I feel frustrated at that time.
The dream that I thought had long suppressed, this ruined dream, turned out to be still life well and healthy, in the very special and most hidden of the deep of my heart.
I'd feel envy of Risa's succeed, I admit that.
However, that's not what pushed my fool action.
Mere envy just too trivial to make me ignore all senses and wrote that pile of nonsense.
What pushed me is the guilt and the anguish to my gave up self that stop pursuing my dream.
I hated my not cool self.
And I am blindedly thrown it all away to the Innocent Risa.
It is my Karma.
Heavenly punishment because of hurting an sinless girl without reason.
Yes, this is should be my punishment because of my fool mistake.
Definitely!
... I suppose.
"Brother, hurry get down! Lana want to study with Brother!"
From the top of a tree, I sticking out my neck to glanced at a white-haired little girl's figure, who tearing down because of me.
"Brother uwaaaahhh~!"
I guess it is what so-called Double kill.
Haha, I am Fucked.