Sebastian's POV
I couldn't stop myself from thinking about her. All I concentrated on was Lila. The very way her presence seemed to occupy the room, the way I her bright eyes sparkled with a great mixture of pain and uncertainty. It was too insane how quickly everything had spiraled from just a night out to… well, this awkward moment now.
I hadn't intended for things to go far, not even this far at least. But when she had weakly stumbled into my arms, heavily drunk and fragile, I couldn't help it but feel the every pull between us. There seem to be something unique about her—the very way she gazed at me, the way she was undeniably lost in her own world, even while trying so hard to keep track of her new environment. It made me defy all odds, wanting to protect her, to do everything possible to make her feel safe, even if it would only be for a moment.
"Sebastian," she whispered, her voice resembling that which is a little slurred, but in all, still carrying that quiet intensity.
I wasted no time in catching her as she swayed, steadying her on her feet. "Are you sure you would love to do this?" The words left my mouth in a blink before I could stop them from coming out. I should've been the stronger one, told her to her face to go home, to get some sleep. But something captivating in her eyes made it hard to walk away without a taste.
She nodded in affirmation, her soft lips magically brushing mine in a gentle, almost hesitant kiss manner. There was no urgency, yes, there was no force propelling it—it was just two people caught in the moment, trap by emotion. I had no luxury of thinking straight. I myself didn't even desire to think straight.
And sooner than expected, we were right in my room, the world outside feeling like it had ceased to exist, we transited to a different realm. It was strange as was supposed to be—everything felt so natural, but even at that, so foreign. I wasn't used to experiencing this kind of vulnerability, especially not from her gender. Lila, from my judgement wasn't the type to let her guard down easily, but in a blink, in a moment of vulnerability, we both did.
The night went by faster in a blur, neither of us making an effort to talk, just existing in each other's presence quietly. There were of course, no expectations, no promises made. Just two people connected in vulnerability, for a brief moment.
Afterward, we lay sideways in the quiet darkness, the weight of what had just transpired hanging between us. I wasn't patient enough to keep waiting, I was the first to break the silence, my voice very low. "What happens now?"
Lila shifted uncomfortably beside me, pulling the covers up over her shoulders, in an attempt to to hide from me. "I don't even know," she murmured. Her voice was soft and soothing, but I could dictate the uncertainty in it.
I ran a hand through my rough hair, trying so hard to gather my scattered thoughts. "I didn't plan for this to happen, Lila. I had no intention of messing things up for you. I was overpowered by the vulnerability of the moment."
She turned around to face me, her sparkling eyes meeting my gaze. "You didn't contribute to this, you had no intention of messing anything up. I pushed you to this limit, I should be the one who—"
"Don't, please" I interrupted, my voice very firm. "Don't utter such again. This… this wasn't in any way how I imagined it would happen. I had no intention of desiring you to feel like this."
She sighed, switching to her former position of backing me, her attention on the wall. The distance between us was obvious, I could sense how she viewed everything. It was like something irreversible had happened, something beyond our control. I desired to reach out, to reassure and comfort her,, but the words didn't come, the right words to be used refused to form.
"I expected our night together to bring a solution, and not become this complicated," I said after a long defining pause, my voice a whisper as I spoke.
Lila made no effort to respond immediately. I could sense she was in deep thought, greatly weighed down by her own feelings. "You shouldn't be blaming yourself, it's not your fault," she said finally. "It has happened. It just took place. And right now, all we have to do is find ways to handle the consequences. This isn't time for blames."
The deafening silence stretched on, thick and heavy this time. Neither of us seem to knew what to say or how to to handle the situation. It was no more a secret that we both regretted something, but neither of us was ready or brave enough to admit that.
"I don't want you to be occupied with different thoughts that would weigh you down. You have passed through a lot in a short time, this shouldn't add to it, it shouldn't change anything," I said, trying hard to brighten the room. "It wasn't some grand mistake, and shouldn't be viewed in such manner. It was just…just.."
"Just what exactly?" she asked, her voice obviously laced with bitterness. "You think this would be that simple as you planned?"
"I don't know what I think again," I admitted truthfully, frustration evident in my voice. "But I am sure of something, I don't want you to at any point, think that I regret it. I just… I do hope, and I do want things to remain normal, no weird moments between us."
Lila was quiet for a moment, it was as if she was collecting her thoughts, then she turned back to face me. "I don't know exactly what to think either. I'm not sure of what to feel about all that had happened."
I could see how she hesitated from her eyes, the uncertainty which obviously mirrored my own. Neither of us had been able to gather any clear answers, and it felt like we were both trapped in something we weren't sure we were ready for, none of us could stand it.
"I never planned for us to be trapped in this web of emotion, I never even imagined myself being in such situation," I said, my voice becoming a little softer now. "But I would love to announce to you that I don't regret it, Lila. I just… I don't want it to backfire, for this to be used against us."
She gave a small nod, still not ready to say much. The room felt very cold despite the warmth the covers around us was supposed to emit. The intimacy that we enjoyed that moment had faded, and now, we are left with an uncomfortable distance.
"I don't want us to experience awkward moments either," she murmured barely above whisper. "But my only problem is that I don't know how things like this is been done, I have no idea how we're supposed to act after… after moments of vulnerability like this."
I pained me that I didn't have an answer for her. How could I say anything? I didn't know how to handle this situation myself. It wasn't like I had a led down grand plan for what was supposed to happen after a night like this, a night of vulnerability.
"I think the best thing to do is to just take it one day at a time," I said, trying to steady my voice but unsure how to go about. "We don't have to rush and figure it all out tonight."
Lila nodded again but quietly, though I could tell she wasn't entirely convinced with what I just said. There was still a lot left yet to be discussed between us, things neither of us was ready to admit and face.
"I think you're totally right," she said, her voice very soft. "We'll definitely figure it out… somehow, anyhow."
With that, the room became dead silent once more. We lay there not talking to each other, side by side, neither of us was asleep but neither of us was willing to speak again. The one night we had together has changed everything between us, and neither of us knew where to go from here, or how to handle it.
But for now, we could do nothing but wait for morning to come and face whatever it would bring.