The school garden was quiet, save for the distant rustling of leaves in the late afternoon breeze. Autumn sat on a stone bench near a cluster of roses that had just begun to wither, their faded petals matching the mood she carried in her chest. She stared at the ground, her mind a storm of thoughts she couldn't quite organize.
Theo approached from the distance, hesitant but determined. He had been watching her for a few minutes, gathering the courage to speak. The way her dark hair framed her face, her gaze lost in thought, made his chest tighten with emotions he could no longer suppress.
"Autumn," he called softly.
She glanced up, her expression unreadable as she met his eyes. "Theo," she replied simply, her voice steady but distant.
He hesitated, standing a few feet away from her. "Can I sit?"
She nodded, motioning to the empty space beside her. He lowered himself onto the bench, the silence between them stretching longer than either of them had expected.
After a few moments, Theo spoke, "You've been distant lately. More than usual."
Autumn sighed, leaning back against the bench and crossing her arms. "I've had a lot on my mind."
"Like what?" he asked
She glanced at him, her expression guarded. "It's nothing you'd understand, Theo. It's... complicated."
Theo tilted his head, studying her. "You always say that. But I think you underestimate me."
"Maybe. Or maybe I just don't feel like explaining myself."
The words stung, but Theo didn't let them deter him. Instead, he took a deep breath, his hands gripping the edge of the bench. "Autumn, there's something I need to tell you. Something I've been holding back for a long time."
She raised an eyebrow, finally turning to look at him fully. "Okay," she said, her tone cautious.
He hesitated, the weight of his confession pressing against his chest. "I— I care about you, Autumn. More than just as a friend."
Her expression didn't shift, not even a flicker of surprise. "I know," she said after a moment.
The simplicity of her response left him momentarily stunned. "You... know?"
She nodded, her gaze steady. "It's not exactly subtle, Theo. The way you look at me, the way you're always there when I need someone. It's obvious."
He swallowed hard, unsure of how to proceed. "And? What do you think?"
For the first time, her expression softened, but not in the way he had hoped. There was a deep sadness in her eyes, as if she carried the weight of the world on her shoulders. "I think you deserve someone better."
His brows furrowed in confusion. "What are you talking about? I don't want anyone else. I want you."
Autumn stood, moving a few steps away from him as if putting distance between them would make the conversation easier. She turned back to him, her arms wrapped around herself protectively.
"Theo, I can't be that person for you," she said, "I'm not... stable enough to be in a relationship. I barely know who I am right now. Adding the responsibility of someone else's feelings into the mix? It's too much."
"You don't have to figure everything out alone," Theo said, standing to face her. "I'm not asking you to be perfect or to have all the answers. I just want to be there for you."
Autumn shook her head, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. "And that's the problem, Theo. You want to be there for me, but you shouldn't have to be. I'm a mess, and it's not fair to drag you into that."
"I don't see you as a mess, Autumn. I see someone who's strong, even when she doesn't feel it. Someone who's worth fighting for."
"You're romanticizing me, Theo. The person you think I am? She's not real. The real me is selfish, scared, and unsure of everything. I can't give you what you want."
"Then tell me to stop," he said, his voice breaking. "Tell me to walk away, and I will. But don't push me away because you think you're protecting me. Let me make that choice."
Autumn turned her back to him, She stared at the roses, their fragile petals clinging to life despite the approaching chill of winter. After a long pause, she spoke, her voice barely above a whisper.
"I don't know if I can love anyone right now, Theo. Not even myself."
The silence that followed was deafening. Theo watched her, his heart breaking as he realized she wasn't going to give him the answer he wanted.
Finally, she turned to face him again, her expression resolute. "I'm sorry, Theo. But I need to figure out who I am before I can be anything to anyone else. You deserve someone who can meet you halfway, and right now... that's not me."
He nodded slowly, tears welling in his eyes but refusing to fall. "I'll wait," he said quietly. "Even if it takes forever."
Autumn shook her head, a bittersweet smile on her lips. "Don't, Theo. Don't put your life on hold for someone who might never be ready."
With that, she walked away, leaving him standing alone in the garden, surrounded by the fading roses and the weight of unspoken words.
She was always good at saying goodbye.
She had always rejected everyone, she wanted love, she longed for it while she saw a family that was not connected, but at the same time, she wanted freedom, the freedom to live her days foolishly, seriously, or miserably, the freedom to leave the world or love it intensely, the freedom to want to die, and to want to live, the freedom to stay here forever, or leave here forever, she understood love as a wonderful thing with the right person, but she also understood that love was her love for herself, so that was the priority. To find the perfect place, the perfect soul, the perfect body, not according to any standards but her own.
This is the person Autumn was, so far away from others, so close to herself, that she understood her soul and moved away from the pain a little.
After Autumn had gone far, after she had reached middle of the city, which was raining heavily, she looked up at the bright moon, and thought to herself, "If he loves me, if I am the one destined for him, then no fear, for destiny, destiny."