I've always hated mornings.
Not because I'm lazy or not a morning person. It's just… mornings mean facing the world again. Pretending everything is normal. Pretending that I don't see the stares, hear the whispers, or catch the quiet laughter barely muffled as I pass by.
"Is that a boy or a girl?" they always ask. As if I can't hear them. As if I'm invisible.
I've gotten used to it by now. The teasing, the assumptions, the constant confusion about my gender. "You're so pretty for a guy," they'd say. "You should've been born a girl."
I laugh it off. I always laugh it off. It's easier that way.
But today, as I stare at my reflection in the mirror, something feels… off. My face is the same—the delicate features I've been cursed with, the soft brown eyes that everyone notices first, the silky black hair that's always been just a bit too long for a guy. And yet… it's not the same.
My skin looks smoother, brighter. My lashes, already annoyingly long, seem even thicker. My lips have a natural pinkness to them, like I've put on lip balm—which I haven't. And my hands… They're smaller. Frailer.
I shake my head, telling myself it's nothing. Maybe I'm imagining things. Maybe I've just been staring too long. Yeah, that's it. Stress. First week of university and all that. New classes, new people, new everything.
Including Aoi.
Aoi Nakamura. My childhood friend. My rock. My… complicated feelings.
I don't know how to describe what Aoi is to me. She's always been there, ever since we were kids. Protecting me, standing up for me, dragging me along on her wild adventures. I've always admired her strength, her confidence, the way she can take on the world without a second thought.
And then there's me. The quiet, shy, "girlish" Yuki who always trails behind her like a shadow.
But it's more than that. It's the way my heart races when she smiles at me, the way I can't help but stare at her when she's not looking. I've always known what it is. I've always known what I feel for her.
And I've always known it's pointless.
Aoi would never see me that way. How could she? I'm not the kind of person she'd fall for. She deserves someone strong, someone who can stand beside her, not someone who needs her protection. Not someone like me.
So I've buried those feelings. Locked them away in a box and thrown away the key. Because it's better this way. It has to be.
"Yuki! You're going to be late!" Mom's voice jolts me out of my thoughts.
"Coming!" I call back, grabbing my bag and heading downstairs. She's already at the door, waving me off with her usual cheerful smile.
The walk to campus is uneventful. The usual buzz of the city surrounds me—cars honking, people chatting, the faint smell of coffee wafting from the café on the corner. It's comforting, in a way. Familiar.
And then I see her.
Aoi is waiting for me at the university gates, her arms crossed and a teasing grin on her face. Her short, messy hair catches the sunlight, making her look like something out of a dream. She's wearing her usual casual outfit—jeans and a hoodie—but she still manages to look effortlessly cool.
"Took you long enough," she says, ruffling my hair like she always does. "I was starting to think you'd chickened out on your first day."
"As if," I mumble, trying to smooth my hair back into place.
She laughs, and it's the kind of laugh that makes my chest ache in the best and worst way.
"Come on, let's go. Don't want to be late for our first class." She grabs my wrist, pulling me along like she's done a thousand times before.
For a moment, everything feels normal. Familiar. Safe.
But as we walk, I can't shake the feeling that something is about to change. That the life I've known is slipping through my fingers, one fragile moment at a time.
And I have no idea why.