* * *
"Tir♡"
Noelle hugged me. She slowly brought her face near my neck and breathed, and I hesitated as if I could smell the scent of flowers. As she approached, I unconsciously took a step back and realized that my back was touching the door.
"Why is that?"
Noel's question. Like a terrified protagonist of a horror movie, I looked at her, trembling. She hugged me and wrapped her arms around my waist. She looked at me, trembling as if I was wrapped in a strong chain that I couldn't escape from.
"yes yes?"
"I'm worried because you're shaking. Where does it hurt?"
She doesn't seem to understand why I'm afraid. That's why she's even scarier. A cliff about two meters high is nothing to a tiger. However, compared to a tiger, it's a very small animal...
A three-meter cliff would be like a daunting cliff to a tiger, an animal that wouldn't even bother to eat. In other words, she, who couldn't sense my fear right now, was a top predator of a different kind from me.
"No...I just think Noel is beautiful..."
"mouth."
"yes?"
She looks up at me and speaks. She whispers slowly and speaks again.
"mouth."
I had to interpret her intentions as quickly as possible. So that she wouldn't get angry, so that she wouldn't bite her lip again.
'no way.'
I swallowed slowly and lowered my head.
'Thump!'
The woman who had been holding my waist grabbed my face. And her small lips met mine.
"ha..."
I can hear her breathing. And I can feel her soft body against my lips.
'Tongue, tongue?'
Should I spread it? When I looked at her with fearful eyes, she already had her eyes closed. She was slowly trying to invade my tongue while holding my head.
'It has to be spread out.'
I interpreted her intention. If I didn't open my mouth to tell her, she would question me, and I had to think of an excuse.
"Haaah...Churup!"
She gradually pushed her tongue in harder and harder. I opened my mouth and felt my tongue mix with hers. A mysterious, hazy sensation lingered, and my legs felt like they were going to give out, my blood was pumping too fast, and my heart was pounding.
"It tastes like biscuit."
Before coming up here, I was joking with the butler and eating biscuits.
"..."
"It's sweet."
Since I never knew when I would kiss her, I always worried about what I should eat that she would like.
"Do you want to do it again?"
Her face seemed excited. A small blush rose on her face that was like cold glass. By my standards, that appearance was... like a red flower blooming on a field of pure white snow, so it was tempting.
"Noel. It's almost dinner time... That..."
Slowly she grabs my wrist.
"How many more days do you want me to tell you?"
Noel's question.
'This means...'
I try to interpret her intentions again. Yesterday, I said I wanted to know her. After that, we promised to be together. So she took me to the Count's house where her family lived. Now she is asking.
'How curious I am.'
I rolled my eyes. I wondered if it would be appropriate, but I gave my answer anyway.
"I wonder how Noel grew up."
"my?"
"Yes, yes. How have you lived, what kind of memories have you made, and what do you like..."
I racked my brain and came up with a story.
"What do you dislike, and...what are your hobbies and special skills?"
Her expression looks full of discontent. However, she has made a promise, so she will keep the condition that she cannot touch me.
"okay."
Slowly she stepped back. She was wearing a white dress, and her silver hair was flowing. She looked like an angel from a myth, but I got the feeling that her wishes were different from those of an angel.
'Like...a devil...'
She hates me talking to other women. She wants to possess me. That's why she thinks it's natural to break my wrist, break other people's fingers, and cut off arms. She can take someone's life with a single stroke of her hand like a fruit fly, and I'm in front of her like that...
'prey.'
The moment she lost interest, my neck could also roll around on the dirt floor like a bastard pack.
"I like you."
"yes?"
"What I love. For a long time and for a long time to come, in the next life and the life after that and forevermore, I want to love you and touch you and cherish you...♡"
Her words, which made me laugh as if she was embarrassed, made my heart sink. If we go by her words, then my assumption that she would die when she lost interest has disappeared.
'Should I say... fortunately?'
Rather, I felt like it was creating even greater negative conditions. I learned that eternity can sometimes be an extremely harsh word.
"Poet, what do you dislike?"
"Tir, I hate all the women who come around you. Talking to them, conversing with them, making eye contact, smiling at them... Just show me your beautiful eyes and smile at me."
This beautiful beast seemed to have made every preparation to possess me. If she were a knight, she would have been wearing all her armor, holding a lance, riding a horse, and coming for my neck. If she were a witch, I would have been a sacrifice placed before her in chains and handcuffs.
"No, Noel?"
"why?"
I tried to figure out how to get out of it by adjusting to her mood. Get out of it? What if I get out of it this time? What next? Then... should I run away? That's the feeling that crossed my mind at that time.
'The people here are Baekjakga...'
The strange feeling I had when he first came to the castle. The memory of soldiers nodding their heads as if they knew me and asking where I was going, and the memory of butlers and servants always following me whenever I moved to do my work. Except when I was alone in the bathroom or sleeping...
'I've never...been alone.'
It was like being a prisoner. They were watching me. And.
'Reason is...'
A castle built on an island on a large lake. In order to escape...
'Only that bridge...'
I can see a wide bridge connecting the mansion and the land through the window. I can't escape. This place is like a villa and a fortress.
"ah..."
A word of admiration and despair. The butler's vague stories that swirl around in my head.
[If you suppress everything and act forcefully, you may be a pretty good general in a wartime system, but in a peaceful position, you will only be a bad fool. It is important to tolerate and cover up what needs to be tolerated.]
The butler's words come to mind. What he meant was... in a way, it's similar to what he said to me.
'You'll tolerate it?'
My being late, my lack of proper manners, and my attempts to escape from Noel were all acceptable captive breathing conditions in the butler's mind.
[You are like the young lady's private property. I am just a servant to the count. If the young lady's private property with an injured arm is overworked and the injury gets worse, it is only my responsibility. When you are a patient, it is better to receive help from those around you like a patient.]
The words of the deacon when entering the church. Private property, and responsibility. Usually, the chief attendant takes responsibility and acts for the servants? Usually, it could be said to be unreasonable.
'I am...'
I'm trapped here.
"Why is that?"
The window was open, allowing the wind to flow in. Noel's hair was fluttering in the wind. An angel with silver hair wearing white. She had white skin, and everything was pure white, and her purple eyes were like stars shining in the night sky.
"ah..."
I can't speak at all. I... feel like I'm nothing more than a wild animal trapped in her snowy mountain, and one of my many doubts has been resolved.
"Ugh!"
I sat down without even realizing it, out of breath.
"Are you sick? Why are you like that?"
The image of myself, who had been a good servant until now, disappeared. I had to ruin it even when I could have run away.
'Still...there will still be a chance.'
They know where I live, and wherever I go, the people of this mansion follow me like shadows. So...
'I have to act like an idiot.'
I have to act like I don't know anything like before, like a foolish servant who only watches out for Noel. That way, they'll feel safe and have a chance to let me go for a little while. There were many dangerous moments when I pickpocketed, and I remember being locked up somewhere. Memories of failing no matter how hard I tried. This difficult situation felt like a prison with a high wall higher than any other place.
"No, Noel. I just... suddenly felt dizzy..."
"Do you want to lie down?"
A look of genuine concern for me. Yes, she was my ally and my worst enemy. So...
"Noel, I'm sorry, but can I sit down for a moment?"
Noel supported my arm and carefully helped me sit on the chair.
'Should I pretend to be sick to arouse sympathy and then try to escape? No... If I'm sick, it'll be difficult for me to leave this mansion naturally.'
Pretending to be sick would be nothing more than a useless act. Going to church is also impossible now that Noel has sent someone from the church out.
'Fuck, almost all of the cards are gone.'
When I went to church, I realized that it was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I cursed my foolish ignorance and tried to calculate another number.
"Noel."
"huh?"
"I heard that Lady Noel fights duels with men who come to her for engagement."
"huh."
I hesitated, then looked at her straight in the eye and asked.
"How strong is Noel?"
I threw it away. I might be suspicious, but I also figured out a good excuse to talk to her.
"Why are you curious about that?"
Her eyes become bleary.
"Didn't I tell you? I want to know everything about Noel-sama."
As much as she was into me, I had to act as if I was into her. Like an actor in a traveling theater troupe, or like an actor in a high-class action movie that I had secretly watched. I had to act and look like I was crazy curious about her.
"Right? I..."
She hesitated for a moment. It was as if she was struggling to figure out how to explain it. She, who had been a lewd and loving young lady just a moment ago, seemed to have become a shy and timid young lady.
"Ah, Tir."
"yes?"
"You said your ideal type was a strong female prosecutor, right?"
When I broke up with Sophia before... I remember making an embarrassing comment like, 'I like strong female prosecutors, so I'll support you.'
'Wait a minute. How and when did you see that?'
That day, when I left with Sophia's red cheeks and a shout of "I don't know!" She remembered the story of my only ideal type that I had told her. The reasoning didn't add up. My head started hurting again, but the priority was to find a 1/4 answer.
"Yes. My ideal type is a strong female prosecutor."
"Is that so? Then I'll show you tomorrow."
He stroked my chin and lips with his hands, as if he were a seamstress handling expensive silk, while running his fingers through my hair. What was he showing me?
"Oh, it's almost dinner time. I'll go down and bring dinner."
If I asked more, I might arouse suspicion. I had to disguise myself as a fool, as I had done until now, and as a servant who was afraid of her and had difficulty. I moved cautiously, like a tightrope walker who could not relax for even a moment.
"wait for a sec."
I found that the very act of her speaking to me was a strain on my heart.
"yes?"
"A farewell hug."
Noel spread her arms as if to hug me. It was only a brief departure, but this is a separation? I hesitated and hugged her.
"You have to come back quickly."
I force myself to answer that question.
"I will always be by your side."
"Haaah...Tir♡"
Slowly, she rubbed her head against my chest. She seemed to be genuinely sad about leaving, even shedding tears. She had a great fear of me disappearing. And I, I was afraid of seeing her like that.
"I'll be back."
He quickly leaves her behind and goes downstairs.
.
"It's here tonight."
The butler came down and handed me a tray containing grilled salmon and white wine.
"Oh, thank you. But from now on, I'll go and do it myself."
"No. I cannot let the young lady's dinner cool down. It is my duty as a butler."
"Okay, I'll be off then."
"Oh, wait a minute."
I looked at him, smiling faintly at the butler's words. He just acted with all his might as if he was happy to receive the butler's consideration.
"Why are you like that?"
"What happened inside?"
"yes?"
"Because your expression looks bright. Like."
He slowly approached me and grabbed my disheveled collar to straighten me up.
"It's like acting."
That's when I got to see his true gaze. It was different from Noel's gaze...the one I remembered.
'horror.'
It resembled the gaze of a wolf that appeared on the street at night, hunting for prey.
"Ha, since I'm a servant, I should always keep my face hidden. Don't you think Noel would like that?"
"Hmm, I see. Then thank you for your hard work."
"yes!"
I went up, giving an even more exaggerated greeting. I hoped I wouldn't get caught. I felt an unknown gaze behind me, but I tried to ignore it.
* * *