"Look, we are still not ready for a child at this point in our life…" I turned to look the other way when he turned me over. "It's not like I am going to abandon you. We can always have a kid later when we want to. I have a doctor friend. I talked to him over the phone, and he said there is a pill that, once taken, can flush everything out."
I stared at him without blinking. Yes, I was pregnant, but wasn't it too soon for him to suggest such a thing?
"What are you saying? You want me to get rid of the baby here in my house? Are you crazy? Do you know how many women die while trying abortions at home? How could you think of such a thing? If you don't want the baby, that is fine. I also have to think. Get out!" I didn't know where the boldness came from, but I didn't want to see him.
He stood there rooted in place, not intending to move at all. Seeing this, I took my pink long coat, which was hanging at the corner near the door, and walked away.
With my chaotic mind, I didn't think I could be able to think straight, let alone argue with someone on such a serious matter.
I needed time to think on my own. One thing I was sure about was not getting rid of the baby. My beliefs and moral principles could not allow me to do it.
I knew for a fact that my life was messed up the moment the test kit showed two red lines. But what would happen next, I didn't know.
I thought of my cousin Nika. She was a mother of one and had only recently given birth. She was the only one I could think of on that day.
"Nika, Hi," I started, and she immediately knew something was wrong. I could hear the baby crying loudly at the other end of the phone, but she didn't hang up on me.
"What's wrong? Shh, shh," she tried to calm the baby while taking care of him. I felt guilty.
"Let me call you later when the baby is asleep. Take care of him first." She thanked me and hung up the phone, not before promising to call back.
I didn't know what to do since I had promised to help out a friend working that night in a church.
I went straight and boarded a bus to town, then another to where my friend was working. There was a huge event at the church, and they were hired to host the event.
I can say my arrival at the venue was miraculous with my foggy mind. Anybody who had been in that situation could understand the shock. My body was shocked, and so was my entire being.
I walked into the venue, but my mind was not there. I could count the number of times I was almost hit by a car on my way.
I have never known one could completely lose their mind when in shock.
Looking at my state, I didn't think I could last the night at the church anyway. I walked to my friend and tried to explain to her what was going on. Seeing that she could not get me, I had no time to explain everything and excused myself. I had no energy to say anything to her, let alone with the busy environment. She could not understand why I was leaving after getting there, but at that moment, my problem was much deeper than her being mad at me.
It was getting dark, and the way back to my apartment was quite a distance. I took the bus back and later arrived very late at night.
I went to my apartment and found it open. It was not locked with the keys. I thought Mark was inside, but no.
I sighed in relief as I was not ready to meet him at the moment.
I went to the bathroom, took a very long shower, then went to bed. All this time, my mind was racing—what was I going to do? The words Mark uttered afterward also played in my mind over and over. Each time I thought of his words, my blood boiled. I felt like a fool. Why would he suggest something like that as soon as he found out? He could have just pretended he was happy and then said it later…
I didn't get to see him the whole weekend as I went home.
The entire stay at home was jumpy. My mom would call me, but I would be zoned out. Sensing that something was wrong, she called me to her bedroom and asked, "What's up?"
The pressure in me was building up, and I didn't know what to do. I had to tell her.
"Mom, I am pregnant." The look in her eyes was devastating to me. She was shocked that she did not say anything for a whole minute. The disappointment could not escape my eyes.
"What have you done? Do you want to kill me in this house? How am I going to face your father? This thing, you have to deal with it yourself," she said one after the other and looked at me in disappointment. I didn't know what to say to ease the situation. I knew she would react like this. I was hoping she could be the one to tell my dad.
It was much easier for her to tell him in her own words rather than me. I didn't know how to start. Well, she went silent, then sighed.
"What does the guy say?" For a moment there, I didn't know what to say but the truth. I knew I may have to speak to Mark again, as he may have said all those things out of shock.
"He said we should get rid of it." She looked surprised, then laughed. "What kind of men are in the world today? Look at what you have gotten yourself into. I hope this mess doesn't bring me down with you." She sighed again, this time walking out of the bedroom.