In a dark room a busty high Elf chick was mumbling to herself with her angelic and quite sexy of a voice.

"I amar prestar aen…

The world is changed.

Han mathon ne nen…

I feel it in the water.

Han mathon ne chae…

I feel it in the Earth.

A han noston ned gwilith…

I smell it in the air."

"Much that once was is lost. For none now live who remember it."

"It began with the forging of the great rings that were to bring unity to the land."

"Three were given to the Elves, the oldest, wisest, most beautiful and long-lived of all the known races."

"Seven to the Dwarf lords, most stubborn, bulky little humanoid people who are great miners, masters of industry and craftsmen of the mountain halls where they live in solitude."

"And nine, nine rings were gifted to the race of Men, a young race, a race that had come upon Terra not too long ago from the stars, a race that above all others desire power."

"For within these rings was bound the strength and will to live a life much longer than would normally be possible, giving its owner the chance to gather knowledge and to govern over its own race for a long time, and such bringing stability into the land."

"But all of them were deceived, for another ring was made."

"In the wild untamed Eastern lands, in the fires of Mount Doom, the busty Dark Elf Queen Olga forged in secret herself a master ring, to gain recognition by controlling all others."

"And into this Ring, she poured her jealousy, her desire, her own submissive nature, and her will to dominate all life. A single Ring to make them all bow and recognise her as well."

"One by one, a few of the weaker minded races of the east fell to her dark necromantic powers and beauty. While the free lands of the West and their rulers fell under the sinful power of the Ring. But there were some who resisted and broke away from the base desires of the Dark Queens Rings. And so a last alliance of Men, dwarves and even Elves marched against the unorganized monstrous hordes of the Dark Queen. Despite the Hordes vast numbers of beastmen, trolls, gnolls along with other creatures, but most of all the undead they were quickly pushed back, and on the slopes of Mount Doom the free people's of the West fought for the freedom of Terra."

Vast armies of the civilized West and Hordes of Beastmen along with the undead assemble on the mostly barren battlefield of mighty hills and mountain slopes.

With shiny well crafted armours and weapons the armies of the West stood proudly and without fear in the face of their beastly snarling enemies.

Then before the enemies charge a brave man in silver like armour and a mighty long sword in hand stepped upon a tall rock. From there he overlooked this alliance of so many and yelled.

"Sons of the West, I am the silver knight, the Vanquisher of evil, the slayer of dragons and yes my name is in fact Jeff!

But also know that I am in fact 222 centimetres tall in fact, I've killed men by the hundreds in the past, with my bare hands no less! I have fucked many wives and even had my way with some of you woodland ladies as well, thank you for that by the way!

However I do not in fact shoot lightning bolts out of my ars, that was just something King Balin made up, ok! So yes I am Jeff just Jeff and not a regular man at all, I would say!

And so you Elven beauties and you few dwarven ones as well along with all you fine men fear not for I am here! And most of all we all are here together standing in the face of Tyranny and this fucking Elven bitch who fucking dares to try place us all under her sinful spells to control us better and make us do her bidding! Well I say fuck that, I'm a man and ain't no way in hell doing any woman's bidding! If anything I say we make that bitch do our bidding if you know what I mean men!"

Quickly in that moment loud cheers erupted in the vast army as Jeff then silenced them all by lifting his left hand. Then as all fell into silence again he said seriously.

"Hey, but in all seriousness remember that by standing here in the face of this army of evil and disgusting monsters, you are doing something good! You are fighting not only for your own interests and freedom's, but the freedoms of all the good people's of the West, even those who cowardly decided not to come here today! Well then again one cannot expect much from small Halflings after all! Well whatever the case the point is that your doing something great here, your fighting for the freedom of the entire West and then some, and you might die here, but know that you'll all get to die knowing that you did the right thing! You stood on the right side of history and you fought and died as freemen! For they may take our lives, but never will these beasts or that bitch be allowed to take our freedom!"

And with that Jeff's voice echoed throughout the mountain side causing all the men and women of the West who heard it erupt into thundering cheers that made the mountains shake and air vibrate.

In response the hordes of Darkness quaked in fear, but then a mighty spell of darkness fell upon them. Instantly their base hunger for all flesh so soft, juicy and pretty grew. Drool, hunger and wide reddish eyes of bloodlust could be seen amongst them. Even the undeads bodies felt the need to feast on these living enemies of theirs despite them knowing that their stomachs could never truly be clenched.

And so with this hunger the mountain side shook again as the Hordes of Darkness let out their own beastly battle cries and then charged.

The ground shook under their hoof's, beastly feet and bones as they came like a tidal wave down the slopes. From behind the mountains bats and birds of bone and flesh also came like clouds of darkness that blocked out the mid-day sun.

Down below the armies of the West redied their bows and crossbows, as Elven, dwarven and human commanders yelled to their men. "Tangado haid! Leithio i philinn!" (Hold positions! Fire arrows!)

The bows and Crossbows were raised and then in unison all were released arrows at the oncoming Horde. The first few lines of the enemies fell instantly, others stumbled on the corpses of their fallen comrades causing them to also fall to the ground ceiling their fates for good, as now the horde could no longer be halted. So all who slowed down or fell were quickly crushed under foot and stomped by the vast horde into meat paste.

Then as the quick light infantry of the Beast men reached the Free people's lines they were immediately met with a wall of long spears. in their bloodlust and hunger many instantly skewered themselves upon the spears and others who got past were quickly met by shields of steel and blades of gleaming purity.

Despite this the horde came uncaring of their losses. Within minutes bodies piled up and from a top them beasts leaped into the armies of the west. Elven spears though we're fast and many beasts were met with quick deaths in mid air, others met the men's blades on the ground and others were crushed under dwarven hammers.

In the sky the clouds of Darkness swooped down. Woodland arrows though took down many before they could ever reach the fray. But even as they did the small undead flying creatures found it hard to pierce the enemies armour with their claws and teeth.

Like so many battles before the Hordes of Darkness within the first wave were quick to fall. They merely managed to tire their enemies out by their sheer numbers and fertilize the soil with their bodies. All they could rely on as always was their larger members brute strength to smash holes into the lines of the free people's of the West.

Beast men like goats used their solid hard horns to push holes into the shield wall. Unnable to stand up against the over two meters tall beasts the walls of steel were quick to give way.

However in doing this the goat-like beasts quickly found themselves surrounded by enemies of steel and were like so quickly cut down. Lesser creatures forced their bodies into these gaps with total disregard for their safety.

And little by little by simple numbers and force men, Elves and Dwarves began to fall. Men were crushed under hoofs, some being unnable to fall back fast enough were quickly covered in piles of the bodies of their enemies where they then suffocated to death, lightly armoured elven archers were scratched to death, poisoned by claws or simply ripped apart by the flying creatures.

Dwarves being short as they were could not fall back fast enough leaving small pockets of them surrounded. They could merely look for safety within their battle brothers as they climbed the corpse piles and fended off the enemy from there.

Hours passed, darkness came and fires started to rage as bodies were lit by fire arrows and torches. The whole field was a mess, bodies were everywhere and tens of thousands of men, elves and dwarven dead along with hundreds of thousands of beasts from the other side.

Despite this Victory was near for the free people's of the West. The spell over the Horde was faltering and morale was dripping. But the power of the Ring could not be undone so easily.

Dressed skimpily the Dark Queen came upon the battlefield carried upon her beautiful dark throne by her undead knights.

Seeing this the High Elven king saw his chance finally come. He was going to take down this Queen once and for all before she casted her spell again and boosted her vast hordes morale again.

With a single whistle he sent the signal and suddenly from the cloudy night sky a flock of massive eagles came swooping down on the Hordes of Darkness.

At the same time the Pegasus knights and gryphon rides of men also came with force. Their massive gryphons smashed holes into the horde, tore countless enemies into shreds and pushed away the flying creatures of darkness.

Seeing this the Elven king mounted his eagle and with the help of the swift flying Pegasus knights they broke through the flying creatures of darkness.

Seeing this the Dark Queen raised her dark staff. The crystal ball at the top of the staff then suddenly began to glow causing the ground around the Queen to shake as suddenly two huge undead dragons rose from the ground.

The undead dragons roared fiercely and flew to the sky to meet the Pegasus knights. Their rise caused massive gusts of wind to arise.

Despite this the Elven king didn't stop and met the dragons head on. Quickly a mighty battle of an eagle, Pegasus knights and the dragons ensued.

Though the Dark Queen wasn't done as she called forth her undead knights as well. Dressed in black armour and riding a top their own twisted eagle like beasts they also took to the sky.

"It was in this moment, when all hope seemed lost, that the Elven king suddenly jumped off his eagle with his mighty sword in hand straight towards the Dark Queen."

Seeing it her spell casting faded as she scrambled backwards in a panic and accidentally fell from her throne to the hard ground below. While the Elven king smashed his body against her throne with a hard bang, killing him instantly.

Dishevelled and scared the Dark Queen faltered unsure if she might have bit off more than she should have here. Men were truly scary creatures and some seemingly were quite insane as well. Never in a hundred years of mostly shily living in solitude while feeling insecure of herself had she seen such insanity. Honestly she hadn't really seen much of anything and was quite horrified to actually see war, death, blood and an actual battle for the first time in her life.

Then to her great shame and horror the silver knight named Jeff somehow managed to break through her army. Dressed within his shiny silver armour he came rushing up the hill as she sent her dark knights to stop him.

Jeff was strong, but before hundreds of knights even his courage quickly faltered. He couldn't make it to the Queen he couldn't win and so it was the end for them all it seemed, but at least he had finally seen them.

Right up on that mountain side hill he could see the Dark Elf Queens dishevelled bountiful appearance. Despite being called a dark elf, her skin was in fact merely tanned, and she not only was a bit of a petite woman, but one with great curves in all the right places, and a loose dress that was slipping which let him see them.

Gulping down his saliva the man pointed to the Queen and then yelled to her a grave insult.

"Hey Queen, I can see a little of your nipple, very nice!"

Confused the Queen looked down at her own chest and indeed it was showing a little. To her horror the man was right. With haste she went to cover her self as she yelled in shame.

"You pervert!"

And with that she ran and ran away. Down the hill towards her castle close to the mountain of doom. But within her haste she failed to notice that she was in fact running slightly to the right, down the hill and up the mountain. Until suddenly she was at the top of a beautiful waterfall where she blindly ran off it and fell.

"AHH, Kyaahh!"

The Queen yelled like the fairly young elven maiden she was, by elven standards that is. And as she fell and due to her light weight made a light splash as she hit the water her ring slipped off her finger.

"Despite her best efforts she had made the thing too big for her slender fingers and so the Queen and her armies were defeated. The enemies of the free-peoples of Middle-Earth, were pushed back."

"And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost."

"History became legend, legend became myth, and for two and a half hundred or so years, the Ring passed out of all knowledge. Until, when chance came, it ensnared a new bearer, a small hobbit named Gollum."

"Who due to his gambling debts and other sins ran from home and took the ring deep into the tunnels of the Misty Mountains. And there instead of him selling it off to get some coin, it consumed him, figuratively."

"It came to me, my own, my love, my own, my precious, unlike my former girlfriend that bitch! Gollum, Gollum!" He rambled to himself within the caves of the mountains.

"The Ring also brought to Gollum an unnaturally long life, without bitches or sex. And for three hundred years it poisoned his mind. And in the gloom of Gollum's cave, it waited. Darkness crept back into the forest of the world. Rumor grew of a shadow in the east, whispers of a nameless fear, and the Ring of Power perceived its time had now come. So It abandoned Gollum, kind of like his wife. It simply slipped out his hand as he wasn't looking and before he knew any better it had found another man."

"But something happened then the Ring did not intend. For it was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable, a decent man, a Halflign in fact."

While lost and wandering in the cave in search of his friends the Halfling named Bilbo Baggins picked up the thing.

"What's this? Oh dear it seems someone's misses is not going to be happy to have lost such a fine thing. Just how does one drop a thing like this into a dark cave? Well better keep it safe just in case I find its owner."

So once again Gollum was abandoned again, left to yell and cry alone in his cave. "Lost! My precious is lost! My love, my girlfriend, my wife! How could you do this to me again?"

"And so it seems that the time will soon surely come when Hobbits will in fact shape the fortunes of all or at least have that ring taken from them eventually."