Gabriel's first day in Hell started exactly as you'd expect for a disgraced angel: poorly.
Gabriel stood in a crater of ash and molten rock, his once-pristine robes now singed and covered in soot. Around him, demons cheered and imps scurried about, gleefully placing bets on whether he'd last the week.
"This can't be real," he muttered, staring at the fiery, chaotic landscape. Lava rivers bubbled ominously, the air smelled like burnt toast, and demons flew overhead, carrying scrolls, pitchforks, and the occasional potted plant.
A tap on his shoulder interrupted his despair. He turned to find an impish creature with beady red eyes and a clipboard.
"Name's Rax," the imp said, grinning with way too many teeth. "I'll be your orientation guide. Let me just say—big fan of your fall. Epic."
"This is a mistake," Gabriel muttered, standing shakily. "I don't belong here."
Rax ignored him, pulling out a scroll.
Gabriel scowled. "Take me to your leader. I demand an audience with—"
Rax held up a hand, silencing him with a snort. "Yeah, no. The Boss doesn't see newbies. But lucky for you, I've got your first assignment right here." He tapped his clipboard. "Let's see... first task. Ah! You're assigned to Bake Sale Sabotage Duty. Simple enough. You go to Earth, ruin a bake sale, and—"
"I refuse." Gabriel crossed his arms. "I won't participate in this... charade."
Rax blinked. "Oh, that's cute. You think you have a choice." He pointed to a bubbling pit nearby, where shadowy figures wailed as flames danced around them. "See that? That's the Pit of Eternal Suffering. Non-compliance gets you a one-way trip."
Gabriel stiffened. "... Did i said refue, I... I meant I cant wait. So, what do i have to do?"
"Now we're talking!"
"Yeah, but," Gabriel began, "A bake sale? Really?"
"Hey, don't knock it. Corrupting wholesome human events is our bread and butter—pun intended. It's the little evils that make the world go round. Plus, it's low-risk. All you have to do is ruin the event—swap some sugar for salt, scare the kids, whatever works."
"This is ridiculous."
"Welcome to Hell, where ridiculous is the daily grind." Rax shoved a small, charred handbook into Gabriel's hands. Its title read: Hell's Rules for Beginners – Version 9,666.
"Brush up on this," Rax said. "And remember, failure isn't an option unless you like long vacations in the Pit." With a wink, he vanished, leaving Gabriel alone in the wasteland of ashes and bones.
Gabriel looked down at the handbook, sighed, and muttered, "This isn't over."
****
Meanwhile, in Heaven...
Lily stood awkwardly in a glowing courtyard, her new halo hovering over her head like an unwanted accessory. The air was thick with the smell of freshly baked cookies and wildflowers, and everything sparkled so much it hurt her eyes.
"Welcome, sister!" boomed a stern voice.
Lily turned to see a tall, golden-winged angel with a clipboard striding toward her. The angel's expression was sharp and serious, like someone who had never cracked a joke in her life.
"Uh... hi?" Lily said, giving a small wave.
"I am Seraphina, Supervisor of New Recruits," the angel said, her tone as warm as an ice storm. "You are... unexpected."
"Tell me about it," Lily muttered. "Look, this whole halo thing? It wasn't exactly in my five-year plan. Can't we just—"
"Enough," Seraphina snapped. "Heaven's will is not to be questioned. You have been granted this honor, and with it comes great responsibility."
"Responsibility? That's cute." Lily touched the glowing ring above her head. " It's kind of itchy."
Ignoring her, Seraphina handed her a scroll titled Angelic Duties for Beginners. "Your first tasks include attending choir practice and delivering a basic blessing. Report to the Hall of Harmony at dawn. Tardiness will not be tolerated."
"Choir practice?" Lily asked, wrinkling her nose. "You've got the wrong girl for that."
"You are an angel now," Seraphina said, her eyes narrowing. "You will behave accordingly."
"Yeah, sure. I'll work on that," Lily said, already walking away.
Seraphina's voice followed her. "And one more thing: Heaven does not tolerate chaos."
Lily smirked. "Good thing I left all my chaos in Hell."
****
Gabriel arrived on Earth in a small, picturesque town square. The bake sale was already in full swing, with tables of colorful cupcakes, brownies, and cookies lining the streets. Children laughed and played, while their parents mingled cheerfully.
Gabriel sighed. "Sabotage a bake sale. This is what my existence has come to."
He approached the nearest table, where a smiling woman offered him a sample of her brownies. "Would you like to try one?"
"Not exactly," he muttered, grabbing the sugar container. He carefully swapped it with salt, smirking at his cleverness.
Minutes later, a young girl took a bite of the newly baked salted brownie. Gabriel waited for the chaos to unfold. Instead, the girl's face lit up.
"Mom! This tastes just like Grandpa's soup!"
Gabriel's smirk vanished. "What kind of child compares brownies to soup?"
His next attempt was even worse. He tried convincing a group of kids not to buy cookies.
"You don't need sweets," he said solemnly. "Go... eat vegetables."
One boy frowned. "But aren't cookies technically a vegetable?"
"No, they're—"
"They have flour, which comes from plants," another kid argued.
Gabriel groaned. "That's not how—never mind."
****
Up in Heaven, Lily stood in the Hall of Harmony, a grand chamber filled with floating instruments and angelic harmonies. A dozen angels sang in perfect unison, their voices creating a melody so beautiful it brought tears to her eyes.
Well, almost.
"Ughh, This is so boring," she muttered, earning a glare from Seraphina.
"Focus," Seraphina hissed.
"Right, sorry. Forgot this was a concert for clouds," Lily muttered.
When it was Lily's turn, she stepped forward with a confident grin. She opened her mouth to sing, and the sound that came out was so off-key, several angels flinched. One poor harp exploded in the background.
The choir stopped, staring at her in horror.
"Is she tone-deaf?" one angel whispered.
Seraphina looked ready to burst a vein, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Lily, your halo dimmed. That happens when you act un-angelic. Fix it. Immediately."
"Dimmed?" Lily pulled a pocket mirror from her robes. Sure enough, the glow was fading. "Huh. Well, I thought I looked better in soft lighting anyway."
Lily's shrug exasperated Seraphina to no end.
****
That night, both Gabriel and Lily received their next assignments.
On Earth, a scroll materialized in Gabriel's hands with instructions to desecrate a celestial shrine on Earth. "Man, this is getting outta hand very quickly. Maybe i can use this assignment as an opportunity to find a clue to reclaiming my halo," he murmured.
In Heaven, Seraphina mentioned the same shrine during Lily's briefing. "We have reason to believe that the sacred Celestial Shrine will be the target. It must be monitored closely. Do not let anything disrupt its sanctity."
Lily grinned. "Oh, I'll monitor it, all right. Golden boy's probably headed there, and I wouldn't miss that train wreck for the world."
****
Gabriel stood on a hill overlooking the shrine, determination burning in his eyes. "I will reclaim my halo," he vowed.
But from a tree above, Lily lounged on a branch, eating an apple she'd swiped earlier. She smirked down at him. "Not if I can help it."