A Humorous Diary!!
Chapter-6 Confusion!!
Synopsis-
(A Humorous Diary) is a weekly skit written by A Juniors that steps into the life of some crazy people who always find themselves in humorous situations)
Narrator: Whenever Caleb meets someone, he pretends to make that person his best friend. He cares a lot about his friends and tries to talk to them often. One day, Caleb finds a new friend and connects with her so deeply that it leads to some hilarious situations. Let's delve into it.
Scene 1:
(On the bus, Caleb sits, animatedly chatting on the phone, oblivious to the other passengers.)
Caleb: You know, I love you so much that I can talk with you the whole day, because I am really free today, hehe.
(Caller on the other end groans.)
Caleb: Okay, I got it. Sorry, I will now keep my mouth shut and will not share any bad jokes.
(Caller sighs dramatically.)
Caleb: How is your son, Alex? And I have heard about your new baby, Michael. How is he?
(Caller sounds exasperated.)
Caleb: Ohh, your new baby! Wow! You are so fertile! Congratulations!
(Caller hangs up abruptly.)
Caleb: (To himself, confused) Okay, sweetheart, let's talk later. Okay, bye.
(He stares at the phone, bewildered.)
Caleb: No, you first, then me. (He shakes his head, still puzzled.)
Scene 2:
(The bus screeches to a halt, throwing Caleb forward.)
Caleb: Ouch! Oh my god! Wh-what was that? A speedbreaker?
Stranger: (Sitting nearby, deadpan) Yes, a human speed breaker.
Caleb: (Eyes widening) A human speed breaker?
Stranger: Yes, he does that regularly. He just stands between a bus and suddenly the bus stops like this.
Caleb: (Confused) Crazy! Why does he do that?
Stranger: His wife fights with him as he does nothing. One day, she said to go out and do something, so he started doing that.
Caleb: (Staring blankly) Ahh, okay, okay!
(He rubs his head, still processing this bizarre information.)
Scene 3:
(Caleb finally regains his balance and sits back down.)
Caleb: Ohh, the phone call ended.
Stranger: (With a dry chuckle) Congratulations!
Scene 4:
(The bus stops again. A man boards, locks the door behind him, and sits in the front.)
(The bus moves on, then stops at another stop. A crowd gathers outside, but no one opens the door.)
Caleb: (To the man, who's engrossed in another phone call) Hey, sir! You are close to the door. Can you please open it?
Man: (Without looking up) I didn't close the door!
Caleb: (To himself, incredulous) So stupid! I am asking him to open the door, and he is replying to me, "I didn't close the door." Wow!
(He throws his hands up in exasperation.)
Scene 5:
(Caleb, frustrated, gets up and opens the door himself. The crowd surges forward, knocking him off his feet.)
Caleb: (Groaning) Ohh my god! What's going on today! Will you guys just stop breaking my bones, please!
(He groans and picks himself up, dusting himself off.)
Scene 6:
(Everyone settles down. A beautiful woman sits beside Caleb. Caleb's eyes widen. He dreams of making her his friend. He gets nervous, but he musters his courage.)
(Silence reigns.)
Caleb: H-h-hello!
Girl: Hi!
(More silence. Caleb clears his throat.)
Caleb: How are you?
Girl: Fine.
Caleb: Ohh, okay.
(Another awkward pause.)
Caleb: What do you do for living?
Girl: I am a doctor. How about you?
Caleb: Ohh, wow, doctor. Well, I have a large business of shipping from one place to another. I look for mostly highly luxurious products which I take from one point to another. It's really a hard thing to do, but I somehow manage it.
Girl: Ohh, okay. You are a transporter!
Caleb: (Capping his mouth) No, not transporter. You can say plyer! Ahh, I mean supplier!
Girl: Wow, I like that. Really great! I like to do that, shipping one thing from another!
Caleb: (Grinning) Great, I can ship you from one place to another too. Hahahaha.
(Everyone stares at him, mouths agape. Caleb quickly realizes his faux pas.)
Caleb: Sorry!
Girl: (Chuckling) Once I ordered a TV from a store, and their transportation was not good. My TV was broken, and I sued the transportation company for that.
Caleb: Ohh, unprofessional people. Our company looks after the product carefully. I even travel with the product on the lorry!
Girl: Wow, you are a boss, but still, you work like a laborer!
Caleb: (Laughing, thinking) She destroyed me in a few seconds!
Girl: I really like your way of talking. Well, I am Sandra.
Caleb: Ohh, wow, such a lovely name. I am Caleb!
Girl: Nice to meet you, Caleb!
Caleb: Same here.
(Caleb, emboldened, takes a deep breath.)
Caleb: Hey, Sandra, can we be friends?
Sandra: Sure, Caleb.
Caleb: Wooahhh! Can we have some coffee?
Sandra: Not today, Caleb. Next time!
Caleb: How will we be able to meet with each other next time?
Sandra: Take my card.
Caleb: Wow, great, thank you. I have a card too. If you ever need to ship something, then call me.
Sandra: Okay, cool.
(Sandra's phone rings.)
Sandra: Hello, honey. I am on the bus, just reaching my clinic. I found someone named Caleb who is a transporter!
Caleb: (Panicked) No, not transporter. Shipping man.
Sandra: Okay, a man!
Caleb: Not only man. A shipping man!
Sandra: Okay, alright, a shipping man! Yah, okay, I got it. Just coming!
(She hangs up.)
Sandra: Okay, Caleb, I reached my destination. I have to go. Okay, nice to meet you. Bye!
Caleb: Bye, Sandra.
(He watches her get off the bus, completely smitten.)
Scene 7:
(Caleb is lost in thought when a large woman boards the bus and, with a loud thud, falls right on top of him.)
Caleb: Ahhhhh! Ohh, goddd! Save mee!
Scene 8:
(Caleb stumbles off the bus, feeling bruised and bewildered. He walks slowly, muttering to himself and occasionally tripping over his own feet. He finally reaches Sandra's clinic.)
Caleb: (To the receptionist) Hello, good morning.
Receptionist: Hello, sir, good morning. How may I help you?
(Caleb notices a framed picture on the wall with the words "Kiss me!" written on it.)
Caleb: (Pointing at the picture, confused) Kiss me!
Receptionist: (Furious) What! How dare you talk to me like this!
Caleb: (Flustered) Ayy, ayy, cool girl, just be quiet. I was looking at the picture frame where it's written "Kiss me!" Why will I ask you that? I mean, look at it to yourself first, then think.
Receptionist: That's why I said that. Ever looked at yourself? People like you can only say that.
Caleb: What do you mean by that? Don't you know who I am?
Receptionist: Butcher man!
Caleb: No, I am not asking about your father. I am asking about me. I own a big business of shipping things from one destination to another.
Receptionist: Okay, a transporter!
Caleb: Yah, I get it. My name is listed with many big people!
Receptionist: With big people or people having big ***!
Caleb: (Enraged) You are now crossing your limits!
Receptionist: So what are the maximum limits?
Caleb: I don't have that much time to talk with you. Just tell me where is the doctor!
Receptionist: She is inside.
Caleb: Okay, receptionist!
Receptionist: Okay, transporter!
(She snickers as Caleb storms into the clinic.)
Scene 9:
(Caleb searches for Sandra. A young man approaches him.)
Young man: Yes, how may I help you?
Caleb: I need the doctor!
Young man: Okay, I am Doctor Tractor!
Caleb: (Taken aback) Tractor!? You are in the wrong field!
Tractor: (Smiling) It's my last name!
Caleb: (Confused) Okay.
Tractor: So how may I help you?
Caleb: Well, I was here yesterday. There was a female doctor named Sandra whom I gave my reports. She said to come here tomorrow, so now today I am here. Where is she?
Tractor: Yah, I remember. She told me about your case. You took part in a bill running competition where you broken your back, right?
Caleb: (Shocked) Ya, ya, ya!
Tractor: Okay, don't worry. I have studied about your case in detail. There's nothing to worry about, just a small operation, and everything will get okay.
Caleb: (Tense) Operation! No, I want to talk with Sandra first. I can't believe on you.
Tractor: Sir, don't worry, just relax. I know what she said. She told me everything!
Caleb: Why did she tell that to you?
Tractor: She is my wife!
Caleb: (Stuttering) Okay, but still, I don't want to do the operation. I am going!
Tractor: Okay, as you wish, sir!
Scene 10:
(Caleb leaves the clinic, bewildered. He starts walking, muttering to himself.)
Caleb: Sandra weds Tractor! So stupid! Well, let me text her that I was in her clinic, but her staff was irresponsible and not caring for her patients. Where is the card? Ahh, okay, got it. Let's message her!
[Text Message]
"Hello, good morning. I am Caleb. How are you, love? Well, I want to tell you that I was at your clinic for some checkups, but your staff was really irresponsible, especially your husband, Tractor. I really don't like his way of speaking. Missing you. Let's have some talk with a cup of coffee, and talk about our first date, haha! Bye!"
[End of Text Message]
Tractor: (Reading the message) What the hack? This stupid, broken Caleb is dating my wife! And even Sandra didn't tell me about that. I can't believe that. Let's see what he reveals more. Let me text him too!
[Text Message]
"Hi Caleb, I am fine, honey! How are you? I am so sorry about the trouble you experienced at my clinic. Tractor can be sometimes rude, but he is much intelligent and sensible person. And I like him so much, so much, then anyone could love him. Sorry, I am busy today, Caleb. Oh, date? Yah, you still remember our first date? That's incredible! Missing you too. Take care. Bye!"
[End of Text Message]
Caleb: Let me message her!
(Caleb's phone rings.)
Caleb: Hello, Mark. How do you do, buddy!
Mark: ...
Caleb: Okay, just coming in a sec. Bye!
(He hangs up and heads to Mark's house.)
Scene 11:
(Mark is sitting on the couch, looking distressed.)
Caleb: What happened, Mark?
Mark: Caleb, a farmer is trying to occupy my land.
Caleb: That's really bad, Mark.
Mark: Yah, Caleb, my grandfather gave the land to the farmer's grandfather to use it for free for some days, but from that day to now, they are claiming it's their land!
Caleb: Ohh, so sorry to hear that, Mark!
Mark: They have started doing farming there and arguing that it's their land now!
Caleb: Why don't you take help from the police?
Mark: Well, I don't have proofs to show to them. They have rejected my proofs for many times. Well, we just made the registration of land a few years later, so the land is said to be of no owner. They registered it in their name! But everyone in the village knows it's our land, and really, I am not able to do anything!
Caleb: I can understand that, Mark.
Mark: Yah, Caleb. Well, I have to go out. Talk to you later, Caleb.
Caleb: Okay, Mark.
Scene 12:
(Caleb reaches his house. His brother, James, is dancing wildly.)
Caleb: What are you doing, James?
James: Ball dance!
Caleb: Ball dance with walls?
James: No, with a girl!
Caleb: Who is that unlucky?
James: What?
Caleb: I mean, who is she?
James: She is a girl, and she likes me.
Caleb: Wow, great! She likes this glitch, great!
James: What do you mean by glitch?
Caleb: Nothing!
Caleb: Ahh, I forgot to message her. Let me do that.
Tractor: (Annoyed) Why is he not replying!
[Notification]
[Text Message]
"Don't say sorry, sweetie! It's not your faults. Well, I don't know how sensible he is, but he is not a good person for a girl like you. Okay, I got it. You are busy. No problem, just please come near the cafe. I will send you the location, okay, at sharp 8 pm. I don't want any excuse, okay? Just meet me there. Was so strange about that? It was at morning. Did you forget that? Really strange. But no problem. Come at night. I will be waiting for you."
[End of Text Message]
Tractor: (Furious) Okay, so the loving bird wants to date near the cafe. Okay, I will be there at night.
Scene 13:
(Caleb gets ready to go out. Suddenly, he receives a message from his friends. They want to meet him at the cafe urgently.)
Caleb: (To himself) I will be there in 10 minutes.
(Tractor is waiting outside the cafe, observing the entrance. He spots Caleb approaching with a group of friends.)
Tractor: (To himself) They are planning to kidnap me!
(He quickly ducks into a nearby dustbin, peering out cautiously.)
Caleb: (To his friends) Why did you guys call Barnaby here? You know how is he?
James: Come on, Caleb, let him be here.
Caleb: Now what to do of Tractor?
Tractor: (From the dustbin) Me!?
Lily: I think we should hide Tractor somewhere and see what happens then.
Tractor: (From the dustbin) They are planning for kidnapping me!
Mark: It's not so easy. Tractor sounds really loud. If anyone saw us doing that, then?
Caleb: Don't worry, I have an idea. We will hire some people to grab Tractor and to hide it. Don't worry, Mark. Everything will be fine.
Tractor: (From the dustbin) I will see how you guys will kidnap me!
Lily: Friends, I feel like vomiting, ohh!
Caleb: Go near the dustbin fast!
Tractor: (From the dustbin) Noo, no, no, girl, control yourself!
Lily: Awww, now feeling better! Thanks, bin!
Tractor: (From the dustbin) Say thanks to Tractor!
Barnaby: Oh, god, oh, god!
Caleb: Now what?
Barnaby: I need a washroom right now!
Caleb: Ahh, what to do? Ahh
Lily: Do it on the bin!
Tractor: (From the dustbin) Nooo! His whole crew is sick! God save me!
Mark: No, go and use the cafe washroom!
Tractor: (From the dustbin) Ahh, safe!
Scene 14:
(After some time, everyone leaves the cafe. Tractor, still hiding in the dustbin, is deep in thought.)
Tractor: (To himself) I want to say something to you, Sandra!
(He calls Sandra.)
Sandra: Yes, honey!
Tractor: I want to say something to you, Sandra!
Sandra: I need to tell you something too!
Tractor: Okay, go on.
Sandra: Someone is messaging me and calling me many times. I don't know what's going on!
Tractor: I was going to tell you that too! I think now we need to do something. Now I think we should go to their house and see what they want to do. I will hire some guards for our protection. Don't worry, I will do everything normal.
Scene 15:
(The next day, at Caleb's house, his friends are gathered.)
Mark: Caleb, where is James?
Caleb: He is outside for some work!
Mark: On Sunday?
Caleb: Yah, I was shocked too, but maybe some important work!
Mark: Okay.
(Suddenly, there's a knock on the door.)
Caleb: Ahh, I think it's James!
Scene 16:
(Caleb opens the door. It's Tractor and Sandra, accompanied by two burly security guards.)
Caleb: Oh, hi, Sandra. Come on in.
Tractor: (To the guards) Grab them!
Caleb: (Stunned) Hey, what's going on here?
Tractor: You guys were planning to kidnap me and messaging my wife, aren't you?
Caleb: (Confused) Well, I was messaging your wife, but who told you that we were planning to kidnap you?
Tractor: I was listening to your meeting yesterday. You were talking about me!
Mark: But we were talking about Tractor.
Tractor: Yes, so I am Tractor!
Mark: (Stuttering) Holy crap, we were discussing about Tractor, a machine used in agriculture!
Tractor: (Embarrassed) So what was that, to hide it?
Caleb: Yes, we said to hide it. So we were talking about the Tractor machine, not you!
Tractor: (Scratching his head) Okay, I got it, but you were messaging my wife, weren't you?
Caleb: Yes, because she is my friend!
Tractor: Which friend writes "love" and talks about dates?
Caleb: It's how I talk with everyone. It's normal, a friendly talk, sir!
Tractor: Really!
Sandra: (Smiling) Yes, Tractor, and Caleb was not messaging me. It's someone else!
Tractor: (Relieved) Ohh, shit! Sorry, gentlemen. I am truly sorry!
Caleb: (Shaking his head) Okay, no problem!
Tractor: Thank you! Okay, now we should move!
(Tractor's phone rings.)
Tractor: Hello!
Caller: ...
Tractor: What! Okay, I am coming. Thank you for telling me. Bye.
(He hangs up.)
Caleb: What happened, sir?
Tractor: My neighbors informed me that that man is standing near my house door. I will not leave him!
Scene 16:
(Tractor and Sandra leave, looking sheepish. After an hour, everyone else leaves. James finally arrives, looking exhausted.)
James: Really a hard day it was!
Caleb: What happened, James?
James: Nothing. I was out for dating with that girl. I saw she was not in the house. I waited for too long, but she was not there. So I moved out. After some time, someone called me and started threatening me. I was really surprised and immediately I ended the call and changed my number. Now feeling really safe!
Caleb: (Thinking) Ohh, so it was James! What a confusion it was!!!
To be continued-