The two men walked back to the palace in silence, the only sound their footsteps echoing in the grand hallway, a deafening silence that seemed to consume both men, especially Ceremus.
The sensation of being enveloped in another's arms stirred a deep fear and panic within the King. He dreaded the fleeting relief he found in Hael's proximity. This brief moment of joy clouded the darkness that had engulfed his body and mind. How could he ever forget it?
On the other hand, Hael keenly felt Ceremus' unease. His body tensed when he embraced the King, and he immediately regretted his lack of sensitivity. Despite his joy at Ceremus' decision not to venture into the forest, the very forest where he had grown up and left his family, it didn't excuse his thoughtless actions. The whole point of their plans, the hunting trip (thanks to Anemone's help), was to lift the King's spirits and make amends for leaving him behind last time.
At the moment, he didn't think his decision to go with Anthanasia would hurt the King's feelings; in fact, he believed the King didn't care much for what he did. If someone is upset about something, wouldn't the sensible thing be to let the person know? This was his train of thinking. However, he failed to realize that what he thought was common sense didn't necessarily apply to the King—or anyone else, for that matter. He merely wanted to get him in a better mood, but now he had gone and ruined all the hard work he had put into this.
Hael turned to face Ceremus, his face filled with regret and shame. "I apologize for overstepping my boundaries earlier. It was wrong of me to embrace you without your exclusive permission," he said.
Ceremus remained silent for a moment, his gaze fixed ahead until he finally spoke. "Your Majesty. Address me as Your Majesty from now on."
Hael felt his heart sink. His eyes widened with shock, not comprehending the words that had just come out of Ceremus' mouth. They sounded cold, and he finally understood how distancing the honorifics were. He didn't like it a single bit.
"...What? What did you say?" He asked, pretending like he hadn't just heard him.
Ceremus cast him a glance. He could already hear the sudden shift in his tone, and when he looked at him, they confirmed his suspicions. Hael was upset by his words; the look of hurt in his blue eyes was evident even in the darkness of the night. He let out an exasperated sigh.
"We are nearing the palace gates. It would be bad if someone overheard you addressing me, let alone speaking to me in such a casual manner, wouldn't it?"
A look of realization took over his face as he looked ahead. Just as Ceremus had said, they were, in fact, nearing the gates. He didn't notice how quickly the walk back was. He felt a huge wave of relief. That distance he had felt with the man beside him and the thought that he might become hated by the person he cared for were terrifying.
His relief didn't go unnoticed by the King, who felt his heart warm at the sight. It was clear that Hael cared for him, or at least his opinion of him. So why couldn't he reciprocate the same feelings? The King, Ceremus, was a man of power and responsibility, while Hael was his loyal subject and a potential love interest. This power dynamic added a layer of complexity to their evolving relationship. Not to mention the fact that they shared the same gender, further adding to his confusion.
It was not uncommon for two men to be together, there were plenty of officials and men of power who took on male lovers in order to flaunt their status, but this was different.
Had he been deprived of love for so long that he was starting to forget how to receive it and how to give it back?
He could practically hear the disappointment in Hael's voice and suddenly felt bad for pushing the man away. Once inside, he led Hael to his room and closed the door behind him.
Taking a deep breath, he finally looked the young man in the eyes and spoke. "I appreciate you planning this hunt for me, Hael. I know my behavior for the last few days has been rather difficult. I don't know. I was suddenly overcome with anger when you chose to follow that girl instead of staying by my side, and I wrongfully took out my discontentment on you when you didn't deserve it." He pursed his lips as he continued.
"You, your presence has been a great comfort for me. I never realized until now how lonely I felt. The thought of you being taken away by someone else worries me greatly and fills me with an anxiety I've never felt before. I've never felt so powerless. This insane desire I have to possess you and never leave you out of my sight terrifies me, someone who's never been terrified before… at least not for a long time. I'm afraid I no longer know how to act around you, especially after our shared embrace." He said.
Hael was left without words as he took in what Ceremus said. It didn't understand everything, but it seemed like Ceremus was jealous of his close relationship with Anthanasia. He felt his heart swell with happiness.
"I can assure you, Ceremus, that my heart belongs to no other, not even Anthanasia. She's a dear friend, and I see her as nothing more than that. To be quite frank, it did upset me when you suddenly grew distant. I, too, enjoy being in your presence and feel upset when others set their eyes on you. I'm unsure what this emotion is, but I want to explore it. We can take the time to understand it together." Hael's patient and understanding words reassured Ceremus.
Ceremus felt his face heat up when he heard this. He slowly nodded his head and grabbed Hael's strong hand into his own, guiding them to the balcony. He then turned to look at Hael and began recounting the events that led him to become the tyrant he is today.
"Why show others kindness when you gain nothing from doing so? Helping others who are in pain won't ease my suffering any less. It would be contradictory for me to be virtuous when the world has shown me no virtue. The one person I loved most in this world has been taken away from me; why should I show other people care? The only way to mask my pain and sorrow was to become cruel. Because showing compassion reminded me too much of my father." Ceremus's internal conflict was palpable in his words.
"… Kindness can persevere through the most difficult circumstances. I cannot even begin to imagine what it's like to lose someone so near and dear to your heart, for I have never experienced loss before. But I can tell you that holding on to it, acting like it doesn't exist, isn't the best way to deal with these things." Hael said as he stared into Ceremus' eyes.
"It's important to know when to let go. You are not betraying your father by moving on. If he is as kind and loving as you describe him, then I'm sure he wouldn't want you acting this way either."
Ceremus turned his gaze to the sunset. The now golden hue of the sun setting created a mysterious shadow over his face, making his own golden eyes glow under the light.
"It's too late for me. I've already done so much damage. I don't see how I can recover from all of this." He whispered. Ceremus was torn between his past and the possibility of a new beginning.
Hael listened intently to his words but couldn't find the right things to say. He finally saw the parts Ceremus, the King of Trojas, kept hidden from others, and his love for the man grew from then on.
For him, being kind and virtuous had always been a given. Maybe it was due to his divine connection with the goddess Kaleeso, who greatly influenced his character, but he didn't know what it was like to be the opposite of kind; though he wanted to bring Ceremus comfort, he didn't know how. What was the correct way to go about this without making things worse?
So all he could do was listen, hoping his presence would be comforting enough.
As for Ceremus, though he knew for certain that he wasn't ready to entertain the idea of giving his heart to someone else, he knew it was only a matter of time.
It was time for him to accept that the meteor in his dream had finally presented itself before him.