She sat there, the clock ticking louder in the quiet of the late night. The room was dimly lit, shadows playing on the walls as if mirroring the turmoil within her. He had said he was coming. "Just wait for me," he had assured her. His words lingered, heavy and unresolved, tugging at her conflicted heart.
She stared at the door, her fingers interlocked, restless. She didn't want to go—not like this. Not in the dead of night, with uncertainty wrapped around her like a shroud. But she couldn't bring herself to say no.
She liked him. There was no denying that. Perhaps too much for her own good. He stirred something deep within her—a longing she had carried for as long as she could remember. A longing for connection, not just any connection, but one that went beyond fleeting moments and surface-level exchanges. She yearned for something profound, something that would hold her together when the world around her unraveled.
She craved a relationship that could cradle her soul, embrace her doubts, and harmonize with the quiet chaos inside her. A bond that wasn't just about words or gestures, but a shared wavelength, vast enough to blanket her fears and tender enough to help her breathe. A connection deep enough to quiet her storms and make her feel whole.
But tonight... tonight wasn't how she imagined it. She wanted him, but not like this. Not in the hurried way his call had implied. And yet, the thought of saying no clenched her throat. What if he didn't understand? What if this moment, this night, was her chance to step into something she had always dreamed of?
She exhaled, her breath shaky. Her mind was a storm, but her heart betrayed her with its quiet, desperate hope.
She was just... worried. For her, he was a friend, but not just any friend—a soulmate friend. Someone who resonated with her, someone she could pour her thoughts into without hesitation. But why, she wondered, did the soul have to compromise for physicality? Why couldn't she stay in her bubble, loving him as fiercely as she did, without needing to cross the invisible boundaries she had drawn for herself?
She often thought of trees. The trees that stood together under vast, endless blue skies. Each in its own space, stretching toward the heavens, yet never encroaching on the other. Trees that lived harmoniously, close enough to feel the presence of one another but distant enough to remain sovereign in their being.
She admired their crowned shyness. The way their branches reached outward but stopped short of touching. The way they allowed the sunlight to bathe each one individually, letting every tree gather its own nourishment, its own life. They never hindered each other, never interfered.
And yet, when one tree faltered—when its bark cracked or its roots failed—the others rallied silently through their shared root systems and fungal networks, transferring water and nutrients to help it survive. Even a cut stump, she'd read once, could live on for years, fed by the unseen generosity of the others around it. But they still didn't touch. They gave without intruding. They healed without violating.
She had always seen herself like those trees. She longed for deep connections, ones that would allow her to pour her sap into the people she loved, to nourish them, to give them her all. She wanted to be a source of love, of life, of quiet gratitude. But she didn't want to be touched—not in the way that blurred her boundaries, that demanded more of her than she was ready to give.
And tonight, there was something in the way he had spoken, a subtle urgency in his voice, that made her understand something she had tried to ignore. Her crowned shyness might be violated.
The thought unsettled her. Her fingers curled tightly against her palm as she tried to decipher the unease sitting heavy in her chest. Was she overthinking? Was he truly a threat to the sanctuary of her boundaries, or was she simply afraid of losing herself in the connection she had craved for so long?
She couldn't tell. But the trees—they stood tall in her mind, quiet and unwavering. And she wondered if she, too, could remain steadfast, even as the winds of his presence threatened to reach places she wasn't ready to reveal.