Life seems to flash everything all at once in the moment of death, they say.
I guess it's true all along, I saw myself playing with my siblings in the attic, me and parents holding hands with one another in the church, from my cringe life in high school up to crazy life collage.
Yeah, it's boring.
'It's a pity.'
Life had become just a golden playbook that recorded all memories. As I grasped for breath, I still on, holding on that everything are just my dreams and nothing is real at the moment.
It's my loss, Even if I did everything, it's all worthless now and I'm finally liberated. I can finally rest.
"I'm sorry."
My last tear drops flaw out with my breath simultaneously.
It's game over.
***
"Where? Where am I?"
Everything was pitch black, everything I saw is deep emptiness.
I fell like I'm falling into the void of non-existence.
Crying out for help was no used, I am alone.
I thought when people die, they will enter into gates of heaven or judge them into the pit of hell.
But why? Why am I floating along here. I see anything, I can't tell anything? I can't here anything besides darkness.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared.
Is it a dream? Or endless nightmare. Or both!
I can't get out. I'm trapped and deeply paralized. Nobody could here my non-existent screams. I couldn't hold it any future, I'm indeed trapped.
Getting out was no more than just a dream, yeah even in the afterlife I'm still wanted to dream, a wish to get out of here.
I started to wonder. What is the difference between life and afterlife? If life was full of sufferings? Then what about afterlife? For a moment of extreme contemplation. I started to doubt whether is it really true what they say that when people die, they can now rest?
Why me? I haven't even committed countless of sins yet here I was continuously drowning in the face of darkness.
For some time, I don't even know if the problem was darkness? Or it's on me? Am I really the problem? Am I so different from anyone that heaven and hell decided to reject me and throw me into oblivion?
Why? What's wrong with me? I am trying to cry, but no matter what I do there's seems to be no traces of tears. I can't even contort my face.
There occured to me that emotions are nothing more than a man made nonsense that they use to communicate to co-exist.
What's the use of emotions when I'm alone? Why do I long for companion, when all my life I am the one who avoid my family even in the face of trouble?
Right! Indeed I am the problem.