The years at King's College London passed in a blur of lectures, late-night study sessions, and the quiet forging of dreams. For me, each day seemed to accelerate, as though time itself was rushing to meet some inevitable climax. By my final year, the campus that once felt overwhelming had become a second home, its long-ago intimidating Gothic arches as familiar as the lines etched in my notebook.
Kabir had graduated the year before, and we wrote, but it wasn't the same as speaking in person. I sat in one of the courtyards, my breath causing a stream of breath to come out of my mouth as I put down the letter from him. I tilted my head up and looked at the clouds above. It still hurt, thinking about the people I cared about who were left behind, or in fact now no longer existed.
God, I hate paradoxes.
One would think my memories of the war, which would scar anyone, would be what I saw at night or when I closed my eyes, but no. That feeling of the ammonia on my face burning, I could feel it sometimes, killing me. It made me wonder. What was I. Clearly both of the lives I remembered had ended. I had died twice. Yet I was here.
I often found myself slipping into this train of thought but just as soon shaking it off. Wondering about something I would never get the answer to was pointless after all.
I was walking Evelyn to the house she was staying at after we went and watched the hunchback of Notre Dame. In a local cinema. Evelyn and others had been mesmerised since it was the first colour film any of them had seen with such vivid colours. Wait, I'd never mentioned I was the one to invent it, did I? Eh, I'll get round to it.
"Did you see? The fighting in Ireland finally ended. What do you think happens now?" she asked casually.
I sighed and responded, "In all honesty, They'll get a deal like South Africa, though I doubt it will last more than a few years. Like most things both sides fail to even consider the other's position."
In all honesty I had considered doing something considering how badly tensions would affect both countries but couldn't really come up with anything. The Conservatives were rampantly anti-irish at this point and the Irish who were mostly accepting of British rule until the Easter rising when many realised that they were never going to be actually treated fairly. The split needed to happen, though I'll have to think of a way to smooth things over eventually. I remember seeing the headline in the times that morning. The picture was one of those dull
One evening, as the cherry blossoms bloomed in the college courtyard, I invited Evelyn to meet me at our favourite spot in one of the local parks. It was a secluded place, a blessing in the crowded and often overwhelming city. Evelyn arrived to find me already waiting with a thoughtful expression on my face.
"You're not usually this serious," she teased as she sat next to me.
I chuckled, but the weight of what I was about to propose kept my tone measured. "Evelyn, have you ever thought about what comes next? After all of this?"
Evelyn tilted her head, curious. "Of course. I've been thinking about applying to a few firms, though convincing them to hire a woman will be a challenge in and of itself."
I leaned forward, my hands clasped. "What if you didn't have to?"
She frowned slightly. "What do you mean?"
"You've seen all the 'ideas' I've had," I began.
She then interjected, "Yeah. You're going to change the world."
"I'm going to start a company of my own. Focused on innovative mechanical systems, medicine, energy sources, efficient machinery, and things that could reshape everything. But I can't do it alone. I need someone brilliant, someone who shares my vision. Someone like you." I then turned from looking into the distance to looking at her.
Evelyn stared at me, stunned. "Henry… you're serious about this?"
"More serious than I've ever been," he said earnestly. "We could build something extraordinary, Evelyn. Together."
For a moment, she was silent, her mind racing. To her, the prospect was thrilling, terrifying, and utterly unexpected. But as she looked at my earnest face, she felt a spark of excitement ignite within her. "I'd be honoured," she said finally. "But only if you promise we'll make it a company that welcomes talent, no matter who it comes from. No old boys' club nonsense."
I grinned. "That was always the plan. Though I'll also need your help finding investors."
She seemed to pause for a minute as I noticed the veil of self-doubt as it came over her as she steeled herself like she always did when she was prepared to be hurt. She pulled her arms around her as if to subtly hug herself as she said quietly, "So that's it."
She then immediately stood up and turned to leave as I tried my best to get up as I said, "What's wrong?"
She stopped for a moment, turning her head back slightly to address me. Her voice was now cold. "You know. For the first time I thought someone saw past who I had to be and understood. But you're just like every single one of them, aren't you?
I steadied myself as she continued to walk away.
A part of me wanted to lash back, fight the fact that I had been misunderstood. To me she was overreacting. Then every time someone had played down something I was 'upset' about, each time I was belittled for being 'dumb' or ignored since I was 'overreacting.' Even if I didn't get what she felt, I cared about her. And I could tell she was upset. It didn't matter if I didn't understand.
Huh. Did I actually just say she was someone I cared about? My old self had been hurt too many times to let someone in. I had let the excuse of me already caring about my family not realise that there were a few people that I would fight the world for; the rest can go screw themselves. And Evelyn had become one.
I walked as fast as I could to catch up to her and turned her around as she let out a little meep sound in surprise as I paused seeing the tears in her eyes along with the brief expression of fear on her face as I loomed over her.
Damn it. I forget how intimidating I can be. And bloody hell, it hurts that she thinks I'd hurt her.
Now how to word this.
Screw it.
"Look, I don't give a fuck who you are." I said as she seemed to tense at the use of such a vulgar term. "You never told me a lot about your life, and that's fine since I've done the same, but I can tell you've been hurt just like me. Please listen when I say you're very dear to me, and I don't want you to think that's because I want something from you more than for you to reciprocate in kind."
She began to cry fully now as I helped her back to the bench before handing her a handkerchief. As she wiped her tears, I chose to ignore her smeared makeup. When she looked at me next, it was with a mild smile as she said, "Thank you." I'll speak to you later."
I didn't go after her this time as I just continued to sit.
The days that followed felt surreal, as though time itself had conspired to compress their remaining weeks at King's College into mere moments. The final lectures were given, my notes grew to untidy stacks, and the library's familiar corners became the stage for countless goodbyes. I missed speaking with Evelyn. She seemed to be avoiding me.
The logical part of my brain told me she had made her mind up and the best decision was to cut my losses and let it be, but I just couldn't. I still didn't strive to see her, though. As if the thought of it being final was avoidable.
Graduation day arrived with the pomp, and the ceremony was befitting such an auspicious occasion. The great hall was a sea of black gowns and mortarboards, the air electric with the excitement of hundreds of futures about to unfold. Henry stood with Evelyn among their peers, the reality of their achievement sinking in.
"It feels like only yesterday we were sitting in our first lecture, terrified of what was ahead," said one of the students I was on friendly terms with.
I nodded, my eyes scanning the crowd as I said in a solemn tone. "and now it's over…"
As names were called and they crossed the stage, I felt a swell of pride not just for myself but for the journey we had shared. As I received it, the moment was fleeting, yet it felt eternal, a snapshot of a life transformed. My father took a picture as my parents and my sister had come; she had also brought her fiancé, Steven, who was a farrier who I had only met a few times.
After the ceremony, I was alone in the courtyard, the afternoon sunlight casting long shadows over the jubilant scene. I had wanted to be left alone as I walked around the campus. It would be years before I even thought about returning to this place. I turned to see Evelyn, a sense of both eagerness and determination welling within.
"We did it," I said simply.
"We did," Evelyn replied, her smile seemingly forced. "And now, to the future."
I stared at her for a few seconds as the silence was broken by a person passing briskly, "Which will it be?"
"Did you really mean it? That you want me to reciprocate." She asked, almost trying to not look at anything, the nervousness in her voice evident.
I smiled and said, "Of course."
"Do you really love me?" She asked, now fervently looking at me.
I chuckled and said, "If you really want me to say it, then… Yes, I love you. Though you should know better than anyone that it doesn't matter what I say, just give me the chance to prove it."
Before I could react, she had placed a hand on either of my shoulders and steadied herself as she raised the necessary four inches to try and kiss me; her lips were like concrete as she instead tried her best to knock out my teeth.
She pulled away, saying, "Sorry." Her entire face had turned a subtle shade redder than before, but before she pulled away, I grabbed her chin, lifted her head slightly as I tilted my head to the side, and placed a firm kiss on her now-relaxed lips for three seconds before pulling away.
She blinked a few times as if rebooting. "Oh," she said under her breath.
A few seconds later she pushed away before saying, "Did I just?" to which I just nodded, "And did you…?"
I couldn't help but laugh.
"I'm not joking here; this is serious. If my father found out," she began to panic.
I pulled her closer again as I said, "It's fine."
"No, it's not. How am I going to tell them about you? They'll take one look at you and order you shot." she said, now distantly wondering.
I turned her head to look me in the eyes as I said, "It'll be fine. Whatever happens, we'll figure it out. And hopefully that won't be a problem."
"What do you mean?" she asked now with a mixture of fear, confusion, and curiosity.
Uhh, this is going to take some explaining.