I can't believe this is happening. My diary. My secret, precious thoughts. Out in the open.
My mind is spinning, every single thought colliding in a chaotic mess as I watch Rei flipping through my diary. I can't move. I can't breathe. My heart is pounding so hard, I'm sure she can hear it. Why did I leave it open? Why didn't I lock it away in my desk drawer like I always do?
Her fingers glide over the pages, completely unaffected, as though this is just another day for her. I feel my face getting hotter, my palms sweating. My legs tremble slightly, and I can't stop staring at her with a mixture of disbelief and sheer panic.
"'Dear Diary, why does she have to be so perfect and beautiful?'" Rei reads aloud, her voice filled with amusement, but I can't even bear to look up anymore. I'm too scared to face her. The sheer embarrassment is unbearable.
Arghhh!
No. No, no, NO! Why would I write something like that? I feel like I'm sinking into the ground, my skin on fire.
"W-wait! That's… that's just… um, private thoughts!" I stammer, my voice shaking, and I try to reach for the diary, but she pulls it away just out of my grasp. My heart rate spikes again as she just smiles and keeps reading.
"'Every time she looks at me, I feel like my heart might explode, and I can't even speak!'" she reads out loud, mimicking my tone as if she's teasing me—no, she is teasing me. I can hear her voice dripping with sarcasm, and I swear I could die from the embarrassment.
I want to disappear. I want to run away. I want to vanish into thin air.
"U-uhm… That's… um, okay, that's… embarrassing!" I flounder, my face now completely red, and I have to look away because I know she's watching me. "I didn't mean for you to—"
"Oh, but you did write it down," she interrupts, her tone casual, but the teasing undertone is unmistakable. "I think this is cute, you know? A little… sappy, but cute." She lifts her eyebrow, clearly amused, her lips curling into a playful smirk. "Gabu, I didn't know you were so… poetic."
Poetic?!
My hands start to shake as I take a deep breath, trying to regain some sense of composure. This isn't happening. This cannot be happening. "I—uh—I didn't mean it like that! It was just… a moment of inspiration! You know, it's… it's not serious!"
She just stares at me for a moment, her expression softening, but the smirk never quite fades. She flips the page to the next one with a sense of anticipation, and I can't help but feel like she's enjoying my suffering. I swear I'm about to melt into the floor.
"Here's a good one," she says, her voice teasing but with a hint of something more gentle. "'I wish she would hold my hand. I wish I could feel her warmth beside me all the time.'"
No. No, no, NO!
My eyes widen in horror. Did I really write that? I want to scream. I want to cry. This is so embarrassing. I never thought anyone would ever read this.
"G-give it back! P-please!" I plead desperately, my voice breaking. "Please don't read any more of it, okay? That's… that's just my private stuff! You're not supposed to see it!" I try to grab the diary from her, but she moves it higher, still out of reach, and I start to feel completely helpless.
"Ohh, this is so good," she says, laughing softly to herself. "'I want to be the one who makes her smile. I want to be the one who makes her happy.'" She pauses, looking at me over the top of the diary, and for a moment, her eyes seem to soften just a little. "Aww, Gabu, you're so sentimental."
Sentimental? I can feel the tears starting to well up in my eyes. This is too much. This is beyond embarrassing. My cheeks are on fire. I want to run away.
"I don't… I didn't mean it like that!" I cry, my hands trembling as I try to cover my face. "Please stop reading it out loud! You don't understand! I don't want to… I never wanted anyone to know!"
She tilts her head to the side, a small smile playing on her lips. "But it's cute, Gabu. Don't you think? All these little daydreams, all these thoughts… it's kind of sweet. I didn't know you felt this way."
Sweet? It's so embarrassing!
"Please, Rei," I whisper, my voice barely audible. "Just give it back. Please. I'll do anything. Just… stop reading my thoughts out loud. I don't want you to see them."
For a long moment, she doesn't say anything, just watches me closely, as though trying to gauge my reaction. I can feel my heart beating so loudly in my ears, I'm not sure if she can hear it too.
"I'll stop," she says finally, her voice more serious now, though there's still that playful gleam in her eyes. "But I think we need to talk about this… these feelings of yours."
What?
She lowers the diary, letting her fingers hover just above it before slowly closing it. I stare at her, too shocked to move. Talk about my feelings? I don't want to. Not now. Not with her. Not after everything I just wrote.
"W-what do you mean?" I stammer, unsure of what she's implying. "I… I don't know what you want me to say."
"Well," she continues, her voice softer now, though still teasing, "maybe I should help you out. You've got some pretty romantic ideas in here, Gabu. What if I helped you make one of these fantasies real?"
Wait. What?
My breath catches in my throat. "What… what are you talking about?" I ask, completely thrown off by her words. My heart skips a beat. "W-what do you mean by that?"
She steps closer, her expression shifting just a little. "I mean… I could help you live out one of these fantasies of yours. You know, like the one about the cherry blossoms. Maybe you need someone to make it happen for you?"
Wait. No, no. Is she serious?
I can feel my entire body tense up as my mind races. This can't be real. What is she saying? I don't know what to say. I can't think straight. I just stare at her, speechless. My hands go clammy as I grip the diary in my lap, as though it's some sort of lifeline.
"W-wait… I… I… don't know what to say!" I gasp, my voice trembling as I try to figure out what to do. "Why are you saying this? I… I didn't think you'd—"
Rei chuckles, leaning in just a little closer, her eyes bright with mischief. "I'm not saying we'll do anything today, Gabu. But… maybe one day? We'll see how things go. I just think you deserve to have one of your dreams come true. Don't you?"
Is she serious?
"I… I think I might be dreaming right now," I mutter, my head spinning as I try to process everything.
She grins, backing away slightly. "I'll take that as a yes, then." She turns to leave, but not before glancing over her shoulder with a sly smile. "But for now, don't worry. Your secret's safe with me."
Safe? I don't know if I should feel relieved or terrified. I feel like my world is shifting beneath my feet. What does this all mean? What's going to happen next?