Arthur
I want to be strong for my daughter but I keep on failing.
The words of Dr Myron repeated in my head over and over again like a judgemental warning.
"Her cancer is hitting stage three. Her life is at risk."
I'm at the edge of losing Rose.
I sat still on my chair in the doctor's office, actually I was numb. I had gone into an endless reverie that I thought I would never come out from.
"Mr Arthur." I heard the doctor call out, I struggled with myself to bring myself to my draining reality.
I looked at him with zero emotions on my face, just a blank stare.
My heart felt heavy.
My mind was clouded with thick dark fog.
"You seemed lost, I called you several times, Mr Arthur."
"I'm sorry." I said weakly.
Dr Myron took a deep sigh.
"I know this is a tough one for you but we've had similar cases, it wasn't up to Rose's stage but we can try our best to lengthen her life to the best of our knowledge the way we can."
He leaned into the table as he spoke, cupping his chin with the back of his palm.
I inhaled deeply.
"Where do I start from, doctor? I do not want to lose her…can I just see my daughter briefly? I need to see her."
I've not laid my eyes on her since she kissed me goodbye and left for school this morning, she even skipped breakfast.
This is the second time I'm pleading to see my own daughter, my next move is to run mad in this hospital. I will search every ward for my daughter.
"Sure, you can."
Better.
"Now please, Myron."
"She's in the intensive care unit, you will see her shortly." He continued, "you just have to sign these documents" he stretched some files across the table to me.
I do not know what the hell I'm signing for, I just signed on all the free space for signature.
Quickly.
"Alright Mr Arthur, come with me." I was at the door the instant he stood up from his swivel chair. The automatic door opened up for the both of us.
We walked into the elevator, heading to the ground floor.
We were on the ninth one.
It honestly felt like forever, amid the cooling air conditioner stationed in the elevator, it still felt hot and stuffy.
Beads of sweat formed at the side of my temple.
I wiped them off
I burnt inside my drenched clothes.
Time slowed down here.
Dr Myron said calm, I wonder if he would be this calm if he wore my painful and frustrating shoes.
The elevator finally ding, it opened up to the ground floor.
We got the door that was labelled the intensive care unit at the top, and Dr Myron held the door to let me in, he went in right after me.
"She will be regaining consciousness in a few hours. She will be staying till the morning and she will be discharged tomorrow morning." He said as we walked to Rose's private ward. My eyes wandered around the room, searching for a patient that resembled Rose.
Anything I could get
The ICU looks daunting, each bed was separated by polyester curtains. The beeps of each cardiac monitor and the buzzing sound of machines in every section formed a discordant noise.
We got to where Rose laid. She was still, her skin was pale white, I just couldn't believe it was my child that laid there.
She didn't look like herself, her ever joyful Rose had been replaced with a static, numb and muted one.
Her breathing was steady but I never failed to notice the storm that displayed on her facial features, she stood at the middle of a thin rope l, holding on to consciousness and death itself.
Death wouldn't have a pull at her.
Never.
looked like she was battling for her life.
For the first time in a very long time, I burst out of an uncontrolled stream of tears. I fell to the floor, holding on to Rose.
"Please Rose, do not let go, hold strong." I said through my tears, as the salty liquid ran down my eyes. I tasted it on my tongue.
She's my pride, she will be me soon.
Dr Myron watched me from across the room, he stood at the door as he looked over at me holding my daughter's arm, his hands were folded.
With my teary face, I looked from my Rose to Dr Myron. "Please help my child, please Myron, I can't lose her too." my voice was shaky, I saw the look of pity on his face as he shook his head.
He walked over to me, giving me a reassuring rub on my back.
"We will do our best, you need to be strong for her. She needs you now more than ever."
He stepped back.
"We would begin her chemotherapy once regains consciousness so we can slow the growth of the cells.
"Okay doctor." I sniffle. I brush off those tears from my face, Rose shouldn't see me this way.
Her pathetic dad couldn't man up and be her rock.
I stood up, looking right back at Rose before returning my eyes back to the doctor.
"I want to be here with her, I can't leave here without her."
"Mr Arthur I'm sorry but you can't. I'll tell you what? Come back first thing tomorrow morning and come see Rose, she will be awake I'm few hours by then…"
"No, doctor, no." I cut him off and continued.
"I can't go home, she's the only one I've got, I can't go back to that apartment without my daughter."
"I'm empty without her. Please doctor, let me stay." The last part came out as a whisper."
There was a long pause, I prayed to whatever celestial being this man worshipped to let him consider and agree
"Fine."
Phew.
"You could stay and watch your daughter but not in here with her. You could watch her from the corridor outside." He pointed to the small window that was far from where we stood.
"You can watch Rose from that distance, there are Sawyer benches lying in the hallway, you can make use of one since you insist on staying."
I could manage that.
"But we promise you she will be fine, we have nurses at her call, ready to attend to any emergency."
"Mr Myron, I would stay and watch my daughter."