There was no grandiose welcome for Zaid after Apa's departure. It was just him and the gigantic gate of the monastery. Zaid trembled with an ominous feeling but brushed it off and approached the gate.
"Hey, is anyone there?" he shouted.
He got no response, so he shouted again. This time, a robed monk walked up.
"Thank God, there's someone here besides me," said Zaid.
The monk motioned for him to pipe down with a "shh" sound and beckoned him inside. Zaid stepped in, and contrary to the intimidating towering door, the monastery's interior was quite tame. It wasn't a single complete unit; the buildings were divided. The lead building was presumably in the center, while subsidiary buildings, for purposes unknown to Zaid, flanked either side. The ground was made of stone and cobble, soothing under his feet.
Zaid could hear distant chanting. "Maybe that's why he told me to be quiet," he thought. He bowed in apology for his earlier behaviour, and the monk accompanying him gestured that it was quite alright.
They made their way to a room on the right flank. It was small, and the monk indicated with his hands for Zaid to freshen up and come outside. Zaid placed his luggage in the room, freshened up, put on new clothing, and went outside. The monk was waiting for him, and they both started walking toward the main building in the centre. As they approached, the reverberating sounds of Buddhist chants grew louder. Zaid was surprised to see an array of monks seated with prayer beads in their hands, chanting mantras. It was a sight to behold.
"Oh damn, so this is how you change a life, huh," Zaid murmured to himself. The monk handed him a prayer bead and pointed to a corner. Zaid took this as a signal to join in, so he walked over to the corner, sat down, and, having no manuals or guides, started copying the Zen meditation of the fellow monks beside him.
"So, how do we go about this…right…so…uhh," said an annoyed Zaid, struggling to maintain focus. He reckoned no one in the room spoke English like he did. He recalled how proficient Apa was with his English and wondered if he had learned it after leaving his village.
Struggling to maintain his composure while meditating, Zaid was startled by the loud sound of trumpets. All the monks stopped their meditation and started moving toward the building on the left. Left alone in the room, he decided to follow them.
As soon as he walked in, he saw food being served. "I guess it's lunchtime, huh," Zaid thought and joined the ranks to eat. It wasn't the steak and chips he was used to; they served rice and a stew of beans. "I guess no meat on my palate, eh," he muttered, disgruntled. "It's not a deal-breaker, but oh well, I can put up with this." After eating his fill, Zaid noticed most of the monks had left the eating area, so he followed suit.
Outside, he saw monks engaged in various activities: some cleaning the premises, others drawing water from a well, and a few peacefully gardening. "I guess I have got to pitch in too," Zaid thought. He went about offering his aid wherever possible. Starting by clearing the garbage, a task he had hired others to do back in the States, it was a new experience for him. He then assisted a monk in carrying firewood down the 100+ stairs at the back of the monastery, which connected to the wilderness behind it. This went on for an hour until it was 7 in the evening. Most monks retired to their rooms for the day, though some senior monks continued chanting. Taking this as a sign that the day had concluded, Zaid ventured outside to stare at the starry night sky.
"Shit man, how many of these have I missed over the years?" he said, gazing at the big pearly moon. "This was all worth it for this alone," he thought, and soon retired to his bedroom.
This routine of waking up, having breakfast, helping with chores, meditating, then lunch, followed by more chores, and concluding with the nightly meal, continued for several weeks. Initially, Zaid enjoyed this new "life," but it wasn't what he had envisioned.
"What the fuck am I doing?" Zaid gasped one night, waking up at 3 a.m. Placing his hand on his head, he continued, "Fucking hell, man. This is not what I was looking forward to, was it?"
"What have I been doing?" He broke down. There was no one he could call; he never really had anyone. He wished, at that moment, for someone to comfort him. He thought about ending it all and returning to his old life, the one he desperately sought refuge from. Maybe he could call Apa? Surely, Apa would take his call?
But what good would come out of going back? "God damn it, man, I hate this. I don't want to go back." He decided that tomorrow, he would inform the monk of his departure and wander off somewhere in the Himalayas. His backup plan would come in handy since this one clearly wasn't working. The morning couldn't come early enough, as Zaid barely caught a wink of sleep that night. Subconsciously, he was tired and drained from this routine, which felt no different from his life back in L.A.
After breakfast, he approached the central building where the monk resided, but to his surprise, someone else was there. It was someone he'd recognize any day. Wearing a golden robe, with his skinhead in all its glory and a prayer bead in his hand, it was the same monk who had handed him the pamphlet.
"Hey, great to see you there. I knew you'd join," said the monk with a smile.
"What the hell?" Zaid was surprised. After weeks of not hearing any English, he finally did.
"Haha, I'm sure you are surprised. You don't become a head monk for no reason, eh?" the monk replied.
"What the actual fuck?" Zaid was even more perplexed by the ordeal.
"I'm sure you're thinking about a lot of things, even about quitting, hehe. But anyway, have a seat, we can talk. I'm Wang Shu, but you can call me Shu," he said.
Zaid wanted to scream at the top of his lungs but remained calm with the little sanity he had left. They started discussing various things. Zaid learned that Shu was the head monk of the monastery and that he had been out on business. He also learned that it was a newly formed monastery, constructed only six months ago.
Zaid brought up his desire to quit, but Shu said, "You don't want your life to change? I thought you wanted to change."
"I do, but what I've been doing here is no better than my previous life," Zaid replied.
Shu smiled and said, "Well, there is something that will completely change your life. Are you ready? I'll consider the affirmative just once…haha."
Without hesitation, Zaid replied, "If it's not bullshit like before, I'm all game."
"All right, lad. Follow me," said Shu.
They walked behind the monastery into the wilderness until they approached a cave. Zaid had been around here a few times but had never seen this particular cave before. "Damn, where was it hiding all this time?" he wondered.
"Well, you're not that observant," Shu shrugged. Zaid was visibly annoyed but decided to play it cool. "Whatever, so what are we doing here?" he asked.
Shu proclaimed, "Now listen carefully. I want you to go in there and meditate for 10 days. No food, no water, no distractions. We'll seal the cave, so it will be just you, your thoughts, and the darkness."
"What the fuck? You want to murder me? What kind of life-changing shit is this?" Zaid furiously replied.
Shu smiled and said, "See, lad, no one's forcing you. We can walk back and pretend this never happened. You can pack your bags and go wherever you want. But," he continued, "I promise you, once you go in there and do as I say, your life will change figuratively and literally. It's insane, but isn't this what you wanted? To be in the middle of nowhere? I trust your conscience."
Zaid thought about it and then replied, "All right, I'll do it. I don't care if what you say is true, but let's just do it. I don't care any more what happens to me."
Shu smiled and said, "All right then, get in. Forget your belongings, your earthly possessions, and the life you've led so far. Forget about me too. I wish you luck in your new life, and this is also goodbye."
Zaid, confused by the talk, decided to go along. He watched as the daylight started to die out, and Shu began sealing the cave.
"I truly wish you luck, lad. I wonder how it will pan out. Haha, I hope it goes well," Shu said from the outside and walked away.