"Then, when are you moving?"
"Tomorrow at noon." My mind shuts down completely after her words. Then, it reboots with only anger present.
This little -!
She even dares to brightly smile! As if what you've told me did not mean the end of my world?! You serious, Heidi?! Are you really telling me you're moving out tomorrow?! Tomorrow?! What have you been doing this whole week?! No, what have you been doing your entire life?!
Breath, Aldo, breath. Yes, like that. In and out. In and out. Experts say anger leads to ugliness, and I cannot become ugly. I have to depend on my beauty so aunties give me free candy every other day, and uncles give me pocket money on my birthday. So, count to ten and calm down, Aldo, calm...
… How can I calm down?!!
This little savage girl in front of me is moving out tomorrow somewhere I won't be able to see her! She'll leave me forever and ever till eternity! She'll abandon me and grow up and get together with another man and marry him and have lots of kids, while I'll die alone! She is a cheater! A two-timer! A betrayer!
This can't end like this! She, at least, has to hear my confession! Then, accept me and love me, and wait for us to grow up and marry and have little savage monkeys! Yes! That's a good plan! You can't fall apart just yet, Aldo!
"Tomorrow… Before you leave, meet me in the place we always hang out. Don't be late!" I point at her, chin raised in defiance and a stony expression on my face – and wobbly lips and red-rimmed eyes and red nose. Then, I rush out of the house.
If life was like a movie, this is the perfect time for the sad song to sound or for rain to start pouring down: while I run away from the girl I like with a tail between my legs. Defeated… No! I am not defeated! Not yet!
When I get home, I tell mom I will skip dinner and head directly to my room to wrap myself in the blankets.
I'm not crying for your info! I definitely am not! This is sweat from having run… And my trembling body is just from exhaustion! And… and…
You savage girl, how can you do this to me?! I'm too little and too beautiful to be thrown away like this. Like the wrapping of the pineapple candies you like to eat. Or the bag of the chocoballs snacks you pretend not to like, but you always end up eating whole. You even eat my bag!
Little heartless glutton!
But you'll see! I'll confess my feelings in a splendid way that it'll make you never forget me. Wherever you move out to, no matter how far away, I'll make you always think of me! You'll always hear about me and think about me! That way, you won't cheat on me with some wild man full of ticks and smelling like… like a sewer!
I saw you first, so you can only be mine!
And, when I'm old enough, I will go look for you and then we can marry and… how big should the begin be? how many kids should we have? How…
Well, whatever! You won't easily get rid of me, Heidi! You'll pay for what you're making me go through!
I fall asleep late due to my messy planning, and wake up early due to the anxiety. This situation is just driving me crazy. Why me? Why can this not happen to another unfortunate soul? (No, wait, I'm not unfortunate!)
My eyes feel heavy. I'll begin to have ugly bags under my eyes. My body feels sluggish. I cannot even enjoy the delicious breakfast my mom made for me. And, it's all your fault, Heidi!
Not long after eating, I scramble towards the playground nearby and wait… and wait… and wait some more…
And why are you not here, yet?!
I've been waiting forever for you to come! Well, maybe I came a little too early... just one hour early. Two hours?... What time was she leaving, again? Did I ask? Well, waiting is nothing out of this world! Better to be early than late!
My mom always preaches about being punctual for appointments, meetings and dates. Of course, this is not a date, but I had the obligation of coming early. One hour is nothing.
Except… the playground is deserted, and the heat is too strong this early in the morning. Or was it already noon? This is why I hate summer! I'm sweating the water I drank days ago! Not even wearing these shorts and showing my pretty skin with a sleeveless shirt is helping me to battle the heat. Why are there no trees in this playground?!
This is all because of you, Heidi! If I tan badly, you'll have to take responsibility. In fact, if you don't come in the next five seconds, you will regret it! Five...
"Aldo!" That's too quick! Let me build up the suspense, the tension! I turn to look at the incoming girl and sigh relieved. Ah, my unpretty savage is back to wearing her baggy sweatpants and big shirt. Good. Good. "Sorry, I'm not late, right?" As expected from you, not a drop of sweat on your face after running under this infernal heat. "Aldo, there's something I-"
"One last race." I say, cutting off whatever she wants to say. Now is not the time for your excuses! "If I win, then I'll ask whatever I want from you. If you win, then you can ask whatever you want from me." I state, putting my plan into motion. Without waiting for her to agree, I walk to the place where we always begin our races. She follows me after sighing.
What was that for?! I should be the one sighing! Anyway, this time, I'll win for sure.
"Ready!" I yell, trying to get her attention, but she just passively stands beside me. I grit my teeth as we get in position. "Set!" I take a deep breath, focusing on the race, on the finish line, on winning. "Go!" I shoot out and start running as fast as I can, leaving Heidi behind
This time, for sure!
I have not been practicing my take off for almost an hour to lose here and now. Today, I will run until I cannot feel my feet anymore, until my lungs burn from the lack of air, until I collapse from fatigue. I'll run with all my might just for you. I'll make you understand how much I like you. If I win, I will finally confess!
That is why, this time, just this time, let me win! Please!
Please, Heidi…
My breath hitches. My throat hurts. I rapidly blink. I cannot see well, sweat gets into my eyes. I try to clean it away but more pours down. Is this my sweat? No, when did I start crying? Ah, yes, when you easily surpassed me. With little effort, you ran ahead of me. You ran away from me. Never looking back.
I extend my hand, my arm, my everything just to reach for you, to be able to touch you. I want to tell you I am here. I want you to look at me, Heidi. Heidi, I…
It's useless.
You're already far from me. You easily finish the race and look back at me unbothered. As if I was another of your boy friends you run with. As if I'm not special to you.
Why are you doing this to me, Heidi? Why are you this cruel? Why can't you, for once, let me win?! I… I lost. I could never win and now you're leaving. You had your fun by always seeing me struggle, right? You must have mocked me for being so slow, so useless.
You are a bad girl, Heidi. But I still like you. I like you. I like you…
"Are you ok, Aldo?" Her concerned voice sounds from up above me. I open my eyes and see her worried eyes looking down at me. I cannot even glare at her from how tired I am.
Of course, I'm not ok! I have problems breathing, my throat is too dry, my legs are killing me, and the heat is about to burn me alive. I really hate summers! And I hate how you look so fresh!
"I lost." I say with the little breath I was able to recover. I look up at her, waiting for her request. The prize for winning. Yet, she stays silent, just staring at me with a complicated gaze. "What are you waiting for? Ask for your prize." Anyways, you'll ask for some candy, you always ask for that.
She stares a bit more before looking away. "I don't want anything from you." What?! Somewhere in my chest, I feel a strange sensation. Is this it? "I just want you to be happy, just how you made me happy. Thanks for everything, Aldo."
Is this how you're going to reject me? With these pretty words? I do not need them. I just need you! I want you!
After I manage to sit up, she suddenly crouches and hugs me. My body stills, very conscious of your arms around me, your heat sharing mine, your hair brushing my face… You are making all this even more difficult for me, you bad girl. My body finally reacts and I tightly hug her back.
"Good bye, Aldo." She says, undoing the hug.
And, like that, you leave, running of course. Always ahead of me, never able to catch you.
Good bye, my first love.