Community is key in life. No matter what you do in life, you'll need people around you to pull you forward. Even me, who is one of biggest loners I ever met has to admit that.
John Lennon had his Aunt buy him his first guitar, Thom Yorke would go nowhere without his band and the greatest inventors this world had people to bounce their ideas. Got that? Great, now lower your fucking standards so I can tell my story.
In school I wasn't exactly the most popular person, and I know it sounds stereotypical but hear me out. I didn't bring no friends from elementary school.
Still, I wasn't really a loser you would be lead to believe. No, really my DMs are on fire...The days before the exams but still. Most of my classmates treated me with respect even tough I was a perfect type for bullying.
In that school, no one was really obsessed with being better than anyone else. Me and some others were there to do our thing, while some others were there just to have a good time. It wasn't like the top tier schools.
Even tough I was getting on fine, I was still quite an individualist. In group projects, mostly with boys, I would either just do my work and send it over to you or, if they were a bit more lazy, I would just do all the work. I didn't care, I just wanted it done.
Now, I said in one of my earlier entries that I wasn't exactly the biggest fan of schools P.E., I felt like the walking I did in my spare time was more than enough exercise that I needed. But that didn't matter, it was a subject that had to be done.
While in the locker room, the topics were mostly gossip about school and moaning about personal life. I don't even know, I changed in 30 seconds and spent the rest of time on my phone. The the teacher would come.
But today she had different news than usual. We were gonna do orientation. UGH. Basically , we were gonna have to go on a walk on our own, while also collecting checkpoints and doing some dumb challenges. She also split us in groups of two.
Most of the girls divided themselves, but one of the girls ended up without a pair, which in our classroom more or less meant you were gonna be sentenced to being with me. But she didn't complain, remember we were not friends, but my class still liked me. I was not a punching bag.
And we left, most of the first kilometer was filled with us two complaining about the premise of this class, however she quickly changed a topic to something a bit more...juicy.
˝So, I heard you are not going to the final trip?˝
I pointed my eyes towards her.
˝Yeah, probably not.˝
˝Well why not?˝
I didn't really have a reply for that. I just didn't have plan to go. Money was absolutely not the problem, but I just didn't want to go I tried to stir her away from that topic, but she was quick to calm me down.
˝Don't worry I am not that excited either, but have to go, you know, have to do it for the friends.˝˝
I understood the point she was trying to get across, many people get it, but friends are a responsibility just as much as the joy, I saw my friends losing their goddamn minds from their friends dumping their drama onto them. Maybe that's why I never tried that hard to make friends, maybe I was scared of the weight.
We continued talking and it was honestly so enjoyable. We talked shit about school, we gossiped for a bit, we talked about other classes.
She asked me about what I was doing in my free time, but I was not gonna tell her about the diary, so I just told her about my walks and my love for music. Then I asked about what she did in her free time and that opened a much bigger can of worms.
She told me she was training to be gymnast. She told me about her strict schedule, the strict diet and how much it took away from the time she spends with her friends.
˝You know, if I keep it together, I can make it to the Olympics?˝
However, she also told me her knees have been giving in during the couple of last months. She knew that if her knees can't hack it, it's over.
We eventually made it through the work, even tough we skipped half of the checkpoints. We felt pretty good about it, but the teacher still scolded us. While back in the locker room, we didn't even make eye contact once, which I didn't really overthink. However it was weird that even after that we barely talked.
I got a familiar feeling in my stomach. While working on a project last year, I had a really good time working with a girl from another class. We laughed, made jokes, talked about a lot of different stuff...It was overall a BLAST. But after that, nothing. We never talked, never made eye contact on the stairs, it was just forgotten about.
This day that I held so close to me was forgotten. That's why you do not hold anything close to you.
LARA PETEK 31.1.2024