I walked home, the weight of my actions pressing on my chest. Regret churned in my stomach and every step felt heavier than the last.
I finally got home, the house was silent, the kind of quiet that magnified the noise in my head. I dropped my bag by the door and trudged to my room. I sank into the bed, the mattress seemed to pull me deeper, as if trying to swallow me whole. I curled up under the blankets, wishing I could escape the gnawing ache of my regret.
My phone buzzed on the nightstand, pulling me up of my spiral self recrimination. I hesitated before reaching for it, my heart skipped a beat when I saw his name. With trembling hands, I answered. His voice was calm, almost too calm. "I'll pick you up tonight by 8pm, have dinner with me". I froze unsure if this was a chance to make things right.
The hours blurred together as I paced, changed outfits twice and sat staring at my phone, debating whether to cancel. Before I could decide, his car pulled up outside. I caught my reflection in the mirror-nervous, uncertain-and took a deep breath. Grabbing my coat, I stepped out into the cool evening, the sound of his car door unlocked and broke the silence. The car ride was quiet, punctuated only by the hum of the engine and the occasional glance in my direction. When we pulled up to the b & b hotel, he got out quickly, opening my door before I could reach for the handle. "Thank you", I murmured, stepping out. The warm glow of the restaurant lights spilled on the side walk, and for a moment, I wondered if this evening may be as daunting as I feared.
The elevator ride was blur, my pulse pounding in my ears. Neither of us spoke, the silence crackling with tension. When we reached the room, he swiped the key card, and the door clicked open. I hesitated on the threshold, but he held it open, waiting. I was lost in thoughts. Inside the room was dimly lit, shadows pooling in the corners. I stood awkwardly near the bed, my arms crossed tightly over my chest, while he set his keys and phone down on the desk. "Aren't we meant to have diner"? i wondered, the air felt heavy, like it was pressing us closer together and holding us apart all at once.
"Why did you leave"? His voice broke the silence. My heart hammered, unsure of what to say or do next. I had left because I lost feelings for him, but I didn't know how to tell him. Every second stretched into an eternity, and the space between us seemed to shrink, the tension thick enough to touch.
"I've missed you", he said softly, his voice heavy with emotion. He leaned in, his fore head pressed gently against mine. Our breaths mingled in stillness. His hands slid to my waist and slowly to my back in soft, deliberate motions."let go of me", I whispered. "Please", my voice trembling. Unable to look him in the eye.
"Look at me," he commanded, his voice low and authoritative. I did, my breath hitching at the intensity of his gaze. His eyes burned with a mix of longing and control. He kissed me gently, my breath was heavy. He pushed me down unto the bed, his body pressing mine into the softness of the sheets. His hands were everywhere-rough and demanding. He felt every inch of me.
Finally, he got into me, our bodies moved together in sync. His hands moved slowly down my back. The rhythm was slow and deliberate-each moment savored. Our breaths intertwined. He kissed me again, this time slower, more deliberate, a deep kiss that felt mouth watering.
After a moment of stillness, I came to reality and pulled away. I could only look at myself in shame. I quickly got dressed and grabbed my bags about to leave. "You're not going to stay for dinner?" Fernando asked whilst smiling. The weight of the moment was too much to bear. I had to leave the scene in shame and guilt.