Sunlight streamed through the gap in the curtains, illuminating an unkempt room littered with empty snack wrappers, soda cans, and piles of books. Slouched on a creaking swivel chair was Zachary "Zach" Walters, 22 years old, unemployed, and a self-proclaimed connoisseur of all things fantasy. He didn't have a job—not because he couldn't get one, but because, in his own words, "The system is rigged to crush people like me. I'd rather wait for my genius to be discovered."
Fortunately, Zach wasn't entirely useless. He own a small corner shop downtown, which provided just enough money to keep his fridge stocked with energy drinks and instant noodles. He rarely left his room, except for emergencies like picking up his weekly stock of Cheetos or replacing a broken mouse.
And today, he was glued to his laptop, furiously flipping through the final chapter of Chronicles of the Archmage: Arkanis Ascends, a thousand-page behemoth of a novel he had spent months reading. His bloodshot eyes narrowed, his fingers twitching in annoyance.
"Are you kidding me?" Zach hissed, his voice rising. His anger peaked as he read the climactic scene: the thousand-year-old Dark Sovereign was defeated not through strategy, cunning, or even overwhelming power, but through the power of friendship.
Arkanis, the overpowered protagonist, stood in the middle of a battlefield, surrounded by his ragtag group of companions. Despite being outnumbered and outsmarted for most of the fight, Arkanis raised his staff and shouted, "Together, we are unstoppable!" And just like that, the Dark Sovereign's carefully laid plans crumbled into dust.
Bam!
"Unstoppable, my ass!" Zach barked, slamming his fist onto his desk. "This guy spent a thousand years preparing, and he loses because some overgrown farm boy had a group hug with his friends? What the hell is this garbage?!"
He scrolled down to the epilogue, hoping for redemption, only to find a painfully saccharine ending where everyone got married, had kids, and lived happily ever after.
"That's it? That's the ending?!" Zach yelled, his voice echoing through the empty house. "I spent $60 on this trash! Sixty freakin' dollars for this! I could've ordered three large pizzas and had a better time!"
Fueled by rage, Zach stormed into the comment section, where other readers had already begun airing their grievances.
User123: "What a waste of time. The power of friendship? Seriously?"
FantasyLover92: "This ending is so cliché it physically hurts."
MageMaster69: "Arkanis is the worst protagonist I've ever read. How is he even a hero? He is just a two face hypocrite who can slaughter other people's family but when done to his, he goes berserk, he steals from others but doesn't want his to be taken, he NTR other characters and even his friends but frown in disgust at the young masters eyeing his girl. He is sick!"
Zach smirked, cracking his knuckles after seeing those comments. "Time to show these amateurs how a real keyboard warrior does it." He began typing furiously, his thoughts spilling onto the screen like a volcanic eruption.
ZachTheGreat: "Oh my god, where do I even start with this dumpster fire of a novel? First off, did the author write this ending blindfolded, or are his beady Asian eyes just that useless? How do you spend an entire series hyping up this villain as an unbeatable genius, only to have him lose because some hillbilly mage shouted, 'Friendship is magic!'? This isn't My Little Pony, dude!"
He hit enter, but he wasn't done. Not even close.
ZachTheGreat: "And don't get me started on Arkanis. This guy is supposed to be an Archmage, but he has the IQ of a brown cat. Every time he gets into trouble, he just waves his staff and somehow wins. No strategy, no sacrifice, no stakes. It's like the author thinks we're too stupid to notice how lazy his writing is."
Zach paused, grinning like a madman. He wasn't done yet, not even close.
ZachTheGreat: "Honestly, the author should quit writing and get a job flipping burgers at McDonald's. No, scratch that—he'd probably mess that up too. Imagine him trying to make a Big Mac: 'Oops, I forgot the meat, but it's okay because FRIENDSHIP will make it sweet!'"
Seeing this, Zach couldn't help but laughed out loud at his own joke. "Damn, I'm good."
ZachTheGreat: "Heck, I'm not even a writer, but I could do better in my sleep. I always failed my English essays in school, but even I know this is trash. At least my stories wouldn't have the villain lose because of a group hug."
With a dramatic flourish, Zach hit send. He leaned back in his chair, basking in the glory of his scathing critique. "Man, that was beautiful," he muttered, nodding to himself. "If trash-talking was a skill, I'd be level 99 by now."
Just as he was about to close his laptop, the screen flickered.
"What the—?" Zach frowned, slightly taken aback, he just fixed the screen last week, don't tell me he was cheated?
The screen went completely black for a moment before a blinding white light filled the screen as it came back again.
A line of text appeared on the screen:
You think you're better than me as an author? Better than my protagonist?
Zach stared, his heart racing. "What the hell is this?" he muttered, thinking maybe it's a premium advantage authors get to contact their readers. His fingers moved to the keyboard almost instinctively, ignoring how he was contacted all of a sudden.
"Damn right I'm better," he typed. "Your protagonist is a joke, and so are you."
The response came immediately.
Do you think you'd survive in his world?
Zach snorted. "Survive? I'd thrive. I'd outsmart everyone, including your dumbass MC. Give me a shot, and I'll show you how it's done."
Another message appeared:
Even if my MC is a regressor with the knowledge of the future and other characters having plot armour?
"Please," Zach typed back. "Your regressor would be a much better brown cat with two brain cells instead of one. I'd wipe the floor with him. You think your overpowered clichés scare me? Try again."
He paused, grinning smugly at his own bravado. "Why are you even asking me this?" he added, typing the question.
The screen went silent for a moment. Then, a single emoji appeared, smirk.
Before Zach could react, the text changed one last time:
Good luck on your adventures. Try not to die too quickly.
"What—?" was all Zach managed to say before the light engulfed him.
And just like that, Zach Walters, keyboard warrior extraordinaire, was gone.
He was a nobody to begin with so his sudden exist from the world is bound to go unnoticed.