Never have I thought I could feel something so suffocating. An ordeal so heavy that no matter where I turn, its weight threatens to consume me.
I thought she wouldn't recognize me, even if I revealed myself - not that I'd planned to take the risk. My transformation was drastic: a new physique, a changed appearance. But one glance was all it took to shatter that illusion.
Veissa's eyes were wide in confusion, as if she'd just seen a specter; her face etched with shock, sadness, and a hint of terror.
As I gazed at her, the rising winds danced through her hair, while tiny raindrops, like delicate tears from the sky, clung to her clothes. The subtle scene was almost imperceptible, a fleeting moment that would be lost on an untrained eye.
We stood in silence for God knows how long, each moment feeling like an eternity. Hesitantly she began walking in my direction, face full of uncertainty and mask of sorrow.
Forcing out a smile, I outstretched my arms for an embrace. And there she was clenching my shirt tightly, afraid to let go as she balled her eyes out.
Looking down, her face was deeply buried in my chest; her face grimaced, and her long, thick, well-shaped brown could still be seen; even in pain, her elegance remained untouched.
Cumulonimbus clouds gathered as the wind began to howl its mournful sigh echoing throughout the valley. The trees were swaying, the rustle of their leaves an ominous foreboding as the rain intensified with every passing moment.
"Mom, dad.... Everyone, they are all gone." Her grip on my clothes was tighter. Oh my! Felix was there... he was there." She said as her tears intensified.
As she clung to me, the only sensation I could muster was the heavy, labored beating of my heart. Its slow, rhythmic pulses throbbed like a dull ache, echoing the desperation that threatened to consume me. I yearned to silence its insistent drumbeat, to still the turmoil that churned within.
My mouth was parched, dry as the cracked earth, while my throat constricted, frozen in a silent scream. It was as if an invisible hand had grasped my vocal cords, rendering me mute, a prisoner of my own emotions.
Emerging from a daze, she let go of my soaked shirt and hurriedly wiped her tears " I am sorry." Veissa said, "I forgot you don't like that." Her head was down, snuffling, "One moment everything was fine, the next-"
"I know," I whispered, interrupting her, and drew her into a gentle, reassuring embrace. Despite my trembling hands, I tenderly began to comb through her damp, rain-soaked hair, the strands clinging to my fingers. I breathed soft, warm pulses of air onto her forehead, trying to calm her shivering form and soothe her nerves.
Was I blind this entire time, betraying the trust of so many people, losing my brother, and leaving her so broken? Is it all worth it? Is all this guilt I feel worth the whimsical freedom I have achieved?
I hated her for this, for making me feel this way knowing I'm forever in her debt, yet I'm powerless to restore what's been taken from her. The greatest anguish lies not in my inability to make things right, but in the haunting truth that, given the chance, I wouldn't have changed what happened.
Reminiscing about the life that could have been "Waking up to her by my side, our house in the upper districts of Olav. Taking the kids to the shop, teaching them the beauty of plants and the poetic magnificence of each plant. Felix stopping by daily, having a drink to reminisce about the old days". Would I have found happiness in such a nightmare, could I have extinguished the allure of a dream that could have been?
"Let's leave," I said, brushing away rain-kissed tears. "Where do you live?" I asked, pointing in a random direction.
Gently holding mine, her skin warm to the touch. She changed its direction, pointing it towards a building not so far away. I nodded, heading there. My arm draped across her shoulders, shielding her as we slowly walked through the rain. Its might whips storming on us from above, causing her to shake from the cold. The rumbling sounds of thunder echoing, its sparks of light our only source of illumination in this dark land.
Soon, we were in front of a house surrounded by nothing but open fields. As we moved closer to the building, her steps seemed to slow down, seemingly not ready to be relieved of the rain.
Reaching the doorstep, she reluctantly let go of me and began to dap away water from her hair and gave the lower garments of her shirt a firm squeeze.
Letting out an awkward smile, she said, "Your hair is longer," removing it from underneath my shirt and draining the water out of it before walking in.
And there I was by the doorstep, eager to leave, my instincts urging me to say goodbye, never to return. She knows that I am alive; what if she informs her people? Would I be killed, imprisoned, and forced to tell them of my horrific deeds in the Catacombs? What then? Those thoughts further instilled fear in me.
"You can stay tonight, or at least until the rain passes," she said, her gaze drifting away from the door, her eyes lost in the rain-soaked darkness outside. Without another word, she turned and disappeared up the stairs, leaving me standing alone by the doorway, the silence between us palpable. She returned with a pair of worn, masculine clothes, which she dropped on the couch.
All alone, I hesitantly walked in. I looked at the clothes, which were a lot smaller than what I'd usually wear, a hint of familiarity coming from it. These were some of the clothes owned by her father. I frowned, recalling a bad experience; the gruesome manner in which he died alongside most of the people in Olav. Such memories I wish I could forget.
On the couch, I took a proper look around the dimly lit room; for such a large place, it was surprisingly clean. The shelves were filled with books, the floor partially covered with a rug at the center of the room, where a glass table sat. A chandelier hangs from the ceiling, its magnificent sight dazzling, causing me to momentarily forget my situation, taking in the grandeur of everything.
Stepping down the spiraling staircase, Veissa had already changed from her simple dress into long trousers and a hoodie, her hair tied back into a bundle. On her hands was a tray and on it was both a kettle and a tea cup. Balancing the tray with one hand, she picked up a stool and moved in my direction.
Kneeling, she lifted the kettle over the cup, then she dropped the tea bag into it and gave it a slight stir after putting in two cubes of sugar There I was, my head down, avoiding the carefully prepared tea in front of me, thinking of carefully crafted lies to feed her in case the conversation of what happened ever came up.
Her hand closed slowly around mine, and I instinctively flinched at the unexpected touch. Confused, I turned to meet her gaze, only to find her looking at me the same way.
"It's wet," she said, forcing me to look at the gloves I still had on. I finally felt the cold fabric clinging to my skin. It's discomfort being my heaven right now. Slowly, she crept it off my skin, her small hands a sharp contrast to mine.
The base of her fingertips lingered on mine for just a moment. I could feel the softness of her palm, the uniqueness of its touch, and the uneven surfaces of her nails. I could feel what made her laugh: her lust, her love for me in all its complexity, and, more importantly, the emerging fear now emanating from her with blinding intensity. All her different emotions poured into me, and I knew she could also feel mine.
"How strange," I thought, as she abruptly withdrew her hand from mine, severing the connection. She stumbled backward, her eyes wide with shock, and collapsed onto the floor with a soft thud. Her mouth hung open, her gaze darting wildly around the room as she shifted uncomfortably, like a wild animal trapped in an unfamiliar space.
I was still in a trance when she got up hurriedly and left the room. For some reason that was the least of my worries. I tried to reach for that sensation of earlier, trying to understand it. From Veissa in the kitchen to the ends of Anthony's estate, I felt everything. Ants marching in silent symphonies, crickets in gentle cadences, people at home engaging in different activities, each house unique from the other, strange entities in their midst all wearing masks.
I was overwhelmed, never having experienced anything like this before. It made me feel different, very alien from myself, the feeling of dire power and the exhilaration of omniscience.
As I slowly regained consciousness, my eyelids fluttered open, and I was met with a knife pointed at me, Viessa's eyes blazing with intensity.