Chao Zhenyu was clutching gold. Next to him were countless women again, faces blurred as if painted or scribbled over. Others, grotesque amalgamations of various servant girls he had seen passing by. He clenched the coin in his palm, watching as they poured him a drink. When the glass was finally half full, a woman nearby took out a small bottle. Smiling at him, she then poured in exactly two drops.
Once again, was this a dream, or was this "his" past memory?
The pink liquid immediately mixed into the clear alcohol, turning it a vivid shade of sunset.
Chao Zhenyu traced over the etchings of the coin with his fingers. Hidden under his sleeve, his hand was trembling. He frowned. Not even distracting himself stopped his subconscious anxiety.
"Young master, please."
Watching them, he raised a shaking hand, but the moment his skin made contact with the drink, Chao Zhenyu instantly knocked it over. The glass fell out of the woman's hands, splashing liquid all over her and the floor, shattering into thousands of pieces. The chandelier above cast a bright glow on the ground, revealing each glistening shard embedded in the woman's bare feet. Slowly, the cuts ripped open, beads of scarlet peeking out from her flesh.
"AAH-"
The woman cried out, falling back into the embrace of the others. They supported her as she screamed, glaring and observing Chao Zhenyu in equal parts fear and hatred. She blamed him for everything, for their situations, and condemned him to the same fate as her and the shattered drink. Gradually, the women's faces turned, and just like the pink liquid and the alcohol, mixed together. Chao Zhenyu immediately retreated, but his back hit the wall. There was nowhere to go, and he could only watch as their bodies combined, noses and eyes and little pinkies warping together into a peaking, fleshy ball.
As the crying continued, scribbles and brush strokes and scrambled lettering merged into one disgustingly beautiful collage, until everything faded altogether.
Have I... destroyed the nightmare?
Suddenly, from the corner of the room, in a fold between the mattress and the bedsheet, a faint voice whispered.
"This wasn't how it happened."
Chao Zhenyu froze in place. His heart began to pound in his chest, as something innate within him realized who the voice belonged to. Was he watching him? Had he been watching him? Was he there, the entire time, watching as he puppeted his body, altering and disfiguring his world? Or was he only the remnants of his brain left behind?
"Then what… had happened?"
There was a pause. Suddenly, the entire world around him wrinkled altogether. He forcefully tilted his head towards the sky, and pinched open his eyelids. Chao Zhenyu gasped, and he let him, as the scene of a boy unfolded.
I don't want to see this… Yet he held his eyes open. I don't…!
…
Until my body, too, returns to that darkness, and my body parts and I become a beautiful collage.
…
When Chao Zhenyu woke up, that voice had long disappeared. Staring at the gold coins on his bed, he rubbed his aching waist in displeasure.
That was probably it.
The reason he had that nightmare. All throughout the night, those coins had jabbed into his body, causing him endless turmoil. Not once, though, did he wake up to remove them.
Or it was because of that disgusting Phoenix claw he had eaten the night prior. That thing definitely mixed into his stomach. When he resolved it, it definitely created a "beautiful collage".
Chao Zhenyu chuckled, before frowning once more.
Whatever. I don't want to think about it.
Zain Valefor's business was his own business. The only thing about his past self he cared about were events that would impact his future. He already knew about the women, and that was enough for him. Plus, what he saw wasn't actually so bad, it was just drugs and sex. The reason Zain forced him to see, and the reason why he reacted so terribly was simple:
Chao Zhenyu didn't want to see his body in that scenario.
And that's it.
Afterwards, Chao Zhenyu attended Sir Hawford's class. He already knew what was going to happen. So throughout their precious time together, Chao Zhenyu made sure he got the most from it.
"Hey," Chao Zhenyu asked, flipping through pages of a book Menkel had left behind. "Why would a noble ever want their child to study ethics under a…let's say… boneless, lawless, useless, greedy piece of shit?"
Sir Hawford awkwardly grinned, before fixing his tie once more. Tilting his head, Chao Zhenyu pushed a hot cup of tea towards him. Sir Hawford accepted it with shaking hands and a stiff word of thanks, before slowly taking a sip.
"I'm just casually asking," Chao Zhenyu continued. He stared at the drawings of various beasts in front of him. "My friend was wondering, you know. About the ethics of that."
Sir Hawford blinked. Chao Zhenyu read his expression momentarily confused, before the corner of his lips twitched. It didn't take a mind reader to understand that the man in front of him was surprised he had friends at all.
"O-Oh," Sir Hawford finally replied, shifting his gaze. "I suppose the mis- err, the noble- only meant w-well."
"Then why not send qualified instructors instead?"
"Perhaps… because she wants to keep her child happy."
Chao Zhenyu's eyes trailed over the words on the page between his fingers, and pronounced the phrases in his head, but he wasn't taking them in. He did this, over and over again, stuck on one phrase: "the mother of the beast."
So… the open brewery, the servant girls, those women, the gold, and now the tutors…
Was this his mother's idea… of "love"?
"Mother of the beast." Mother of the beast.
It was never the beastly mother, but rather… mother of the beast.
This entire time… No, could it have been possible he'd gotten it wrong from the very beginning? Perhaps there was never a true external threat. Perhaps everything had started from the source of it all. Perhaps everything… was because of himself.
When Chao Zhenyu finished torturing Sir Hawford, he heard a knock on the door. Right as he was about to answer, Chao Zhenyu noticed something missing next to where Sir Hawford had sat.
A few gold coins… haha.
Smirking, Chao Zhenyu narrowed his eyes, before letting Tual in. He'll remember this loan on his dear tutor's behalf. Not that he cared to lose a nugget or two, but rather, the fact he dared to take what belonged to him.
"Young master, c-congrats on sitting through another course!"
Struggling to speak, the poor boy was carrying a bowl of berries, elbows packed with additional books and scrolls. Chao Zhenyu immediately stood up to help, taking the bowl from Tual's hands. With a sharp inhale, Tual heaved the remaining items onto the table. The movement caused the entire surface to jitter, blowing a thin layer of dust into the air.
"Tual, I've always wondered," Chao Zhenyu began, judging the other's actions. "Have you lot ever heard of the word 'bag?'"
"BAG!?"
…!?
Chao Zhenyu jumped, almost causing the precious porcelain bowl to fall out of his hands. He glared at Tual with a raised eyebrow, demanding an explanation.
"Oh my gods," Tual quietly rushed. "I'm so sorry, young master. It's just… have you forgotten what the mistress said!?"
Chao Zhenyu didn't respond, only blankly staring back.
"Apologies, young master, you probably forgot," Tual whispered. He then looked around, as if there were possibly anyone else in the room. Then, biting his nails, he continued. "Remember, young master? The mistress… mentioned that in this home, magic is forbidden."
Chao Zhenyu widened his eyes, before becoming visibly confused.
…How the fuck were bags related to magic!?
And, out of everything that was allowed, why was magic of all things banned???
"I've heard it was because of you, young master… Apparently you once caused an explosion in the courtyard, and the mistress was so worried…"
Tual thought for a second, before covering his mouth in shock.
"Young master!! H-Have I failed your test again!?"
"Not yet," Chao Zhenyu replied, not knowing whether to laugh or cry. "And just… hold on. You've never heard of a bag that doesn't use magic??"
"Oh. But young master, that would be… unsightly."
Alright. Apparently even to the servants of nobles, non-magical bags were deemed unsightly. Chao Zhenyu remembered the leather bags he had stored in his closet. So now I'm unsightly. An unsightly child maniac who once used some magic device or whatever to blow up parts of his own house, causing magic to be banned in the entire household-
Wait.
Chao Zhenyu narrowed his eyes, rolling circles on the bowl with his thumb.
That didn't make sense at all.
Even though Everitt's ill-guided love could explain Zain's debauchery, it didn't logically cover a main problem: the household, and the home. Was his mother the type of person to let the servants run over her? From how she treated them, and how they cowered around her… not likely. Was she type to ban all magic just because Zain had caused a single accident? Once again, from how she seemed to let Zain do anything... not likely.
From the depths of Chao Zhenyu's mind, an image of Ethel appeared. Her polite smile as she stood next to his mother and Balsam. But whenever she stole glances at him…
I can't touch Ethel because my mother considers her, her person. Could that same explanation work for the rest of the servant body, as well as the home? After all, Tual, and probably the past servant boys I had as well, listened to me…
Alright, Chao Zhenyu convinced himself. It was weird, but… it made sense. His mother loved him, and treated him differently from everyone else. But that doesn't mean she didn't have her own boundaries.
Everitt Valefor… of "Control".
Chao Zhenyu carefully treaded the line between logic and overthinking. He sat down, popping berries into his mouth, before rubbing his temples. He had a headache.
And magic must be one of her boundaries.
Suddenly, the door was kicked open. Chao Zhenyu turned around sharply, before rolling his eyes and face-palming.
"Speak of the devil and she appears."
"What the fuck are you mumbling on about?" Ethel suspiciously inquired, twirling a dagger in her hands.
Chao Zhenyu slightly tilted his head. The Ethel he knew never wore anything besides her blouse, vest, and suit pants uniform. Yet here she was now, with just the blouse, and a skirt. Granted the only skin she was showing below her waist were her ankles.
"Nothing," Chao Zhenyu replied coolly, staring her down. "Didn't realize you still had a feminine heart."
"What do you…!!" Ethel erupted, before relaxing into a smirk. "You think you're the man, huh, Zain? Please. You can't even compare to Balsam, much less the servants who wash your feet."
Chao Zhenyu yawned. He didn't know that was a possibility. Which servant should he ask to serve him next time?
"I ran out of clothes, okay??" Ethel continued, gritting her teeth. She pointed the tip of her dagger at Chao Zhenyu for good measure. "And believe it or not, I've killed and skinned and scalped others for less, all while wearing a skirt!"
Chao Zhenyu ambled past her, stepping outside of the room.
"ZAIN–!"
"Yeah, I heard," He finally replied, still walking forward. Fuming, Ethel had no choice but to catch up. "You're going to skin and scalp me, and make my pelt into a skirt. Is Balsam still waiting?"
"That's not what I- Yes, he is. I don't know why he even suggested teaching you. And he even brought me here to pick the big ol' baby up."
When they reached the courtyard, Chao Zhenyu finally turned around. Faced with his sudden stare, Ethel widened her eyes with a hint of panic, before staring back at him like it was some contest. Watching her red pupils become even redder, Chao Zhenyu tried his best not to laugh.
"Here," He finally said, handing her a few gold coins before leaving. "Buy yourself a prettier outfit next time."
He quickly strode off as a barrage of slurs and insults followed him. Suddenly, from the corner of his eye, a bright glint appeared in the sky. He immediately stepped to the side as the thing flew past, before smiling knowingly. An inch from where he stood, there was now a buried dagger.
Chao Zhenyu picked it up, before heading over to where Balsam sat.
The old thing was seated by himself on a polished stone bench, staring ahead. Chao Zhenyu followed his line of sight, before landing on the grave before him. He had thought the area was familiar. It was a different path to his father- or who he assumed to be his father-'s grave. Not that there were many other large trees around.
"You're here," Balsam creaked out. With his trembling hand, he pointed his wooden staff to another bench nearby. "Take a seat."
Chao Zhenyu could never quite get used to the old bat's voice.
I guess I found the reason why Zain didn't smoke. The damned old thing puffed it all.
After a moment of hesitation, Chao Zhenyu reluctantly followed his order. Legs spread and arms crossed, he tilted his head back, giving Balsam an arrogant look. He wasn't sure how his past self had acted around him, but… this was probably fine.
"Are you… bored?"
Chao Zhenyu paused. He blinked, thinking of a response.
"Why do you say that? Do I seem bored to you?"
"You're… taking courses. You've stopped… drinking."
Chao Zhenyu listlessly propped his elbow on his leg, and rested his head on his palm.
"I've heard… you haven't visited those maids… in some time…"
Balsam took a deep huff of air, thin wisps of breath dissipating into the wind. His heavy, cloaked body heaved with each phrase, like a rumbling machine creaking and expanding with each painful heartbeat. Chao Zhenyu could practically hear his gears. With a thin, wrinkled finger, Balsam then pointed at the dagger Chao Zhenyu placed next to him.
"And you've…"
"Alright," Chao Zhenyu interjected. Watching the old man ramble on so strenuously started to make him tired too. How many classes would it take for him to just learn about the definition of rhetoric? "Is there some magical speaking device I can ask my mother for, or are accessibility tools banned too?"
Balsam frowned and pushed his cracked lips together, clenching on the carved ridges of his staff. He sat there silently, gazing past Chao Zhenyu, watching the leaves fall behind him.
"Are you…" He repeated again. "Bored…here?"
Here. Was this old man…
"Can I ask you something?" Chao Zhenyu diverted, swiftly shifting the conversation. "This coming-of-age ceremony of mine…"
"Zain… every child must come of age… and when that time comes… you may be blessed… and you- you… may see a god."
To "see" a god.
"That vision is a sign… that you have been blessed…"
"Were you blessed by those so-called gods?"
Balsam blinked, before lowering his head in a nod.
"Then," Chao Zhenyu smirked. He eyed the destitute, crumbling man before him, staring into his pale grey fish eyes. "What has that blessing given you?"
Balsam sighed, and it was as if the world around them rolled off his shoulders. Grasping his staff, he slowly stood up and stabilized his twisted body on that rod.
So it wasn't some magical staff. Chao Zhenyu raised an eyebrow. It's a walking stick.
"One day…" Balsam heaved. He tiredly turned his head towards Chao Zhenyu. For a brief moment, his eyes flashed with pity, and in those dead pupils, Chao Zhenyu saw a reflection of himself. "One day, Zain… you will see."
"Wait, I'm not done yet- Hey, Balsam…!"
When the other blatantly ignored him, Chao Zhenyu felt a slight tinge of loss. He raised his hand, as if wanting to stop Balsam, but just as he reached forwards, he paused. And then, letting his arm fall back to his side, Chao Zhenyu stood there and watched Balsam walk past.
What did he mean by that? That I will one day see?
Chao Zhenyu thought about the ceremony and the blessing. The manifestations. The axis. The blood of Chaos dripping down into the ground, polluting the oceans and lakes and rivers and the water he drank. And he thought about what he would see.
As Balsam's bleak silhouette slowly disappeared into the freshly trimmed hedges, Chao Zhenyu stared, his gaze not breaking even once.
How can you be so sure? How can you and Ethel be so sure?
That I would be blessed…
That I will one day see?