Amanda hadn't felt like herself for weeks. She had attributed the fatigue to her incessant schedule, juggling her job and the emotional consequences of the humiliation she face from Christopher. Her once favorite food made her nauseous, and the smell of coffee, her lifeline for long days, now turned her stomach. She had brushed off those changes, convincing herself that it was stress, nothing more. But deep inside her, there was a haunting whisper that she couldn't ignore.
It was a grey, rainy Saturday when she decided to buy the test. The pharmacy was almost empty and Amanda felt grateful for the loneliness. She picked up the test, hesitantly, and put it in her basket. Her hand trembled slightly, a mixture of fear swirling inside her. She tried to distract herself by buying a few unnecessary items to cover up the real reason for her trip. Still, the cashier's polite smile looked like a spotlight.
Back in her apartment, the sound of the rain slammed softly against the windows as she sat on the edge of the bathtub, the proof in her hands. The instructions were simple enough, but the act of taking the test seemed monumental. Her heart pounded as she waited, the seconds stretching into an eternity. She avoided looking at the small screen until the timer on her phone rang.
Positive.
Her breathing stopped. She stared at the result, the words on the screen fading as tears filled her eyes. Pregnant. A mixture of emotions crashed into her: shock, disbelief, joy, and a wave of overwhelming anxiety. She sat on the bathroom floor, clutching the test, her mind spinning with questions and possibilities.
"How? No, this is not possible. He protected himself" she whispered to herself, though she knew the answer. Her spirit came to her senses last night with Christopher. She hadn't thought that night would lead to this. He protected himself after penetrating her several times without protection. Could it be that a few drops of semen had escaped before he wore the condom? There was no other explanation. She hadn't had sex since that night.
The following days were unclear. Amanda made an appointment with her doctor, needing confirmation beyond the plastic stick. When the doctor's words confirmed what she already knew, a strange calm came over her. She was going to be a mother. It was terrifying and exhilarating at the same time.
But the calm did not last. During a routine ultrasound a few weeks later, the technician's expression changed slightly, a small smile breaking through their professional attitude.
"Is everything okay?" Amanda asked nervously, her heart pounding.
"Everything looks great" said the coach. "But there's something you should see."
They turned the screen towards her, pointing at the blurred black and white shapes. "You have twins."
Amanda's mouth opened. "Twins?" she repeated, her voice barely above a whisper.
The technician nodded. "Two healthy babies. Congratulations."
Her mind wavered. Two babies. She left the clinic dazed, clutching the ultrasound images as if they were the only proof that it was real. In the solitude of her car, reality was beginning to impose itself. Tears streamed down her cheeks, a tangle of joy and panic. She rested her head against the steering wheel, whispering to herself, "How am I going to do this?"
The days that followed were filled with a storm of emotions. Amanda stayed awake at night, her eyes fixed on the ceiling, her thoughts racing. She imagined herself holding her babies in their arms, their little hands gripping her fingers. She imagined their first smiles, their laughter filling her appartment. But then doubts crept in. Could she provide for them? How was she going to manage twins on her own? And, perhaps the most pressing question of all, should she tell Christopher?
Christopher. His name was a wound that had not healed. He rejected her after their one and only night of love. Worse still, he insulted her in the worst possible way, treating her like a prostitute, a gold-digger. The idea of reaching out to him felt like it reopened that wound. But he had a right to know, didn't he?
Amanda's friend, Emily, was the first person she confided in. Over tea in Emily's cozy living room, Amanda shared the news, her voice trembling as she spoke.
"Twins?" exclaimed Emily, wide-eyed. "Amanda, it's amazing. How do you feel?
"I don't know," Amanda admitted. "At times, I'm excited. Other times, I'm terrified. And I keep wondering if I should tell Christopher."
Emily leaned forward, her expression pensive. "What do you want from him?"
Amanda shook her head. "I don't know. After the way he treated me, I swore I'd have no more contact with him, but won't my children blame me for their father's absence when they grow up?"
Emily nodded slowly. " If I were you, I have to admit that I would have been reluctant to enter into a contract with him. Especially as you told me that he had protected himself. He'll certainly think you're trying to trap him. This is an important decision, Amanda. Whatever you choose, it must be what's best for you and the babies."
Amanda spent the next few weeks struggling with her dilemma. The idea of involving him seemed to be both right and wrong. She feared his reaction: would he feel trapped? Would he be mad at her for not having told him earlier? But more than that, she was afraid of opening her own heart to him again, only to be hurt again.
One night, as she was sorting through the ultrasound images, she caught a glimpse of their tiny shapes, snuggled together in her belly. An outpouring of love and protection overwhelmed her. These babies were hers, a part of her that she didn't know existed until now. She whispered softly at the images, " I swear to do whatever it takes to give you a good life."
Still, Christopher's question persisted. Amanda's nights were haunted by dreams of "what if."
What if Christopher wanted to get involved?
What if he didn't?
What if she had made the wrong choice and her children grew up resenting her?