Gods, I… I believe you when you say that.
Aleksasha stared at Matias, her face hot as a cool breeze cut through her thin dress. She shivered and Matias chuckled.
"Inside, let's get you inside for now." He mused. "Fool that I am to keep you out here to admire the moonlight." He rubbed her arms to warm them beneath the jacket before scooping her up into his arms.
She made a short surprised noise as her feet left the ground. "It'll be faster if I carry you. Your feet must hurt from walking on this gravel in those heels."
She pulled the jacket closed over her shoulders and nodded. "My feet feel… fine. I'm just a little cold. You know how it gets this time of year, it's summer but the snow will start to fall in the northern reaches soon."
Matias nodded and walked toward the manor again. The trip took far less time than she remembered from the walk out to the well. She felt the eyes of the guards drift over them as they walked past into the house gates. No one seemed disturbed by the sight and Aleksasha thought she saw them looking on with approval.
If people don't know what is going on, it must look like we were out on a normal late night stroll to escape our guests. It's like that in my romance novels. I suppose, it'd be sweet and romantic if I didn't know the truth.
She glanced up at Matias who seemed oblivious to the looks they were attracting as they ended the manor and moved through the halls toward their shared chambers again. She leaned her head against her chest with a soft sigh. "I wish the circumstances for this were better," she softly murmured.
Matias shut the door behind them, locking it as he carried her to their large bed and gently set her down. "This was an unfortunate thing to happen." He leaned over her with an inquisitive glance, the coldness lingering in his eyes as he searched her face for something. "There will be better nights, I swear it."
She toyed with the fabric of his jacket, uncertain of herself as she looked away from his gaze. She felt awkward and shy around her husband in these intimate moments. "I'm sorry," she mumbled. "I tried my best and it was still… not enough."
"This is not your fault." Matias frowned at her. He placed his large hands on either side of her face as he looked at her, her eyes still not meeting his. "The banquet was exquisite, every little detail was more beautiful and thoughtful than the next. You were a gracious hostess and kind to Selene despite her digging at you. You were far too generous with that worm of a man who was flirting with you. There was nothing that you could have done to stop what happened tonight."
It was uncomfortable to keep refusing to look at Matias so Aleksasha looked at him. His eyes were full of sincere concern.
"Alek." He said, his brows furrowing. "I know it's a shock but why do you think this is your fault? What horrible sin do you think you've committed?"
She felt a coil of guilt tighten around her heart. "The curse. The Ulanov will fall upon their lances. Blood will weep down their roots until no seed will take root in the corrupted soil." She repeated the curse softly. "My family… caused so many deaths. As the one left behind, their sin is mine to bear."
Matias pulled her against his chest as he sat down on the bed beside her. "Your family were renowned lancers and soldiers. But over time became the emperor's executioners. It is not a sin what your forefathers did. We act according to our roles. Theirs was as an axe for the emperor."
He commented softly as he kissed her forehead. "You were a child when it all happened. You were defending yourself."
Alek felt tears roll down her cheeks as Matias held her tightly. "If I had never forced father to teach me… they would still be…"
"No, the alternative would not be better." Matias shook his head. "You didn't deserve any of what happened in that political upheaval. People were jealous of the Ulanov position and wanted your house gone. I have been digging up all the players all these years, the roots go deep." He sighed, "But as I have dug, a sixteen year old girl was not the one with the insidious plan to take control of anything."
She sniffed as she peeked up at Matias's face, he looked frustrated but was being patient with her. "I'm just afraid the rumors they whisper of me in the capital are true."
"What rumors?" Matias asked gravely.
"That I am a jinx. And I will be barren as the curse foresees… once you realize I can bear you no children I…" She could not finish the sentence, suddenly mortified that she said it out loud. "Ignore my words. I am exhausted and grieving." She muttered.
"I will do no such thing." Matias replied firmly. He stared down at her. "You are my wife. Regardless of the why our marriage happened and when, you are my wife. I will not forsake you." He pressed his forehead against hers.
"You have not given us an heir because a war is the best contraceptive invented. I have not been in our martial bed with you long enough to ensure such a thing is possible." He reminded her.
She suddenly felt self-conscious again clutching the jacket closed as she looked away. "I must look a fright. I need to bath, Matt. I'm not in the right state for you right now."
"My wife is so shy." He tenderly kissed her lips breaking away to murmur. "You are perfect. I will take you however you are. You are you, and that's the right state for me. I want to know you even more desperately now. Let me warm you and fill you of thoughts of something other than the cold, Alek."