I remember when my mom used to shout and scream at my siblings and I for playing in mud, I thought she was being too hard on us and that she didn't love having fun.

But, as I look at Emily and emiliana running up and down the house in frivolous attempts to catch each other, I realize that she just wanted rest. Rest from having to wake up early and prepare us for school, rest from having to prepare lunch, rest from keeping her eyes on us all day, rest from keeping the house clean, rest from maintaining certain relationships. I can go on and on but Joseph is crying and I have to change his napkins.

Looking back now, I wish I had helped her a little, I would've washed the dishes or at least swept the pavement or mopped the floors but I know that that would have made her more upset. I remember when I left Emily and emiliana downstairs for a few minutes and came down to see water splashed all over the floor with soap everywhere, I remember my head throbbing, I felt my heart screaming and my lungs being punctured. I just finished cleaning that sitting room but now, there was water all over the chairs and soap on the table. Now I know what mum felt when she came home from work and saw Beth and I doing dishes, of course we thought we were helping but she screamed at us and chased us around the house for messing up her kitchen. Dad had to intervene that day but we were put in the longest time-out I could ever remember.

Looking at the twins, I felt like spanking them till their butts were red and locking them in a room but I know better, they are just six-year olds, trying to help their overly-stressed-out mother who looked like she came out of an attic. Ever since Dan left us 2 years ago, I've never being myself, I can't still understand why he left us, we had 2 beautiful girls and a boy and we had a happy family but one day, he came home and told me that he was leaving and that he doesn't love me anymore. I couldn't understand what he was saying, he was talking nonsense, but he wasn't joking. He went upstairs and took his already packed bags and left. I sat in the living room for a long time, my head was blank, I wasn't thinking, I didn't know what to think about! Joseph woke me from my black out as life dawned on me in that particular moment that my life was shattered, I joined my baby to cry that day. I was broken, I was in distress I needed to talk to somebody, anybody!!