The group burst into the nearest building, the echo of collapsing debris behind them urging their feet to move faster. The air inside was heavy with dust and faintly smelled of mildew, the remnants of a forgotten era.
"Keep movin'!" Butcher barked, leading the charge.
"Good plan," Deadpool said, strolling in as if he had all the time in the world. "But can we talk about the décor? This place screams vintage apocalypse chic."
"Shut up, Spandex," Butcher growled, gripping his crowbar.
Alex stumbled to a halt just inside the doorway, gasping for air. "Do you think this place is safe?"
"Safe?" Deadpool repeated, turning to the imaginary audience. "Oh, sweet summer child. That's like asking if the Titanic had a swimming pool. Technically true, but not in the way you'd like."
A Near Miss
Before anyone could respond, a deafening crash reverberated outside. The entire building shook, and a massive chunk of metal came hurtling through the air. It smashed into the street just inches in front of Butcher, sending a spray of debris flying in all directions.
Butcher froze mid-step, his eyes narrowing at the hunk of twisted steel. "Bloody hell. That's a bit close for comfort."
Deadpool sauntered up beside him, peering at the smoldering wreckage. "Close? Butcher, my man, you were two seconds away from becoming a pancake. And not the good kind with syrup and butter. More like the kind you scrape off the pavement."
Butcher shot him a glare. "Yeah? And you're two seconds away from me shovin' this crowbar where the sun don't shine."
Deadpool turned back to the audience with a dramatic gasp. "Did you hear that? He's so grumpy. It's like he's auditioning for the role of 'Angriest Man in the Apocalypse.' Somebody get this guy a coffee and a hug."
"Keep talkin', and I'll give you somethin' to be sarcastic about," Butcher muttered, stepping over the wreckage.
Collapse Begins
The rumbling grew louder, the building's old bones groaning under the weight of whatever chaos was happening outside.
"This place isn't gonna hold!" Mother's Milk shouted, looking up at the cracked ceiling as dust rained down.
"No s***," Frenchie muttered, grabbing Hughie by the arm. "We need to move, now!"
"Relax," Deadpool said, strolling casually toward the stairs. "What's the worst that could happen? Oh wait—total structural failure. That's it."
As if on cue, a loud crack echoed through the building, followed by the groan of collapsing beams.
"MOVE!" Butcher bellowed, shoving Alex forward as chunks of plaster and wood began to fall around them.
Running for Their Lives
The group bolted, dodging falling debris as the building began to crumble. The narrow hallways funneled them toward the back exit, the sound of destruction growing louder with every step.
Alex stumbled, nearly tripping over a loose floorboard. Butcher grabbed him by the collar, yanking him upright. "Get yer arse in gear, sunshine! You wanna die here?"
"Not particularly!" Alex shouted, his heart hammering in his chest.
Behind them, Deadpool leapt over a falling beam, landing in a perfect somersault. "Ten points for style! Zero for safety awareness, though. This place is literally falling apart."
Another massive chunk of ceiling came crashing down, narrowly missing Hughie.
"Why is it always buildings?!" Hughie shouted, his voice rising in panic.
"Because you're unlucky," Deadpool replied cheerfully. "But hey, at least you're consistent!"
The Final Stretch
The group burst through the back exit just as the building collapsed entirely, a cloud of dust and debris billowing out behind them. They stumbled into the alley, coughing and gasping for air.
"That," Butcher said, leaning against the wall, "was f***in' ridiculous."
"Ridiculously awesome," Deadpool corrected, brushing dust off his suit. "The stakes! The danger! The imminent death! It's like being in an action movie, but with more swearing."
Hughie sat on the ground, his head in his hands. "We almost died back there."
"Almost doesn't count," Deadpool said, patting him on the shoulder. "Except in horseshoes. And grenades. And multiversal collapses, I guess."
"Shut it," Butcher growled, his glare shifting to Alex. "Alright, sunshine, what's your magic system say now? Or is it still as bloody useless as ever?"
Alex hesitated, his system interface flickering faintly in his vision.
System Notification
[WARNING: ENVIRONMENTAL COLLAPSE IMMINENT]
Recommendation: Seek shelter.
Alex groaned. "It says we're still screwed."
"Fan-bloody-tastic," Butcher muttered.
Deadpool leaned toward the audience, his tone conspiratorial. "And there you have it, folks. The expert analysis: everything's terrible. Tune in next time for more chaos, more danger, and maybe even a love triangle. Just kidding. Or am I?"
As the group stared at the ruined building behind them, the golden and pale suns above pulsed faintly, casting an eerie glow over the scene.
"Whatever's goin' on," Butcher said, gripping his crowbar, "it ain't done with us yet."
"Good," Deadpool said with a grin. "Because I'm just getting warmed up."
The scene faded to black, the sound of distant sirens echoing through the alley.