Locke Residence – 2nd Floor
Wednesday March 12th 2059 - 11:48 AM
Nancy was carrying the unconscious form of Hope up the stairs. One advantage of being a vampire was the increased strength. Even a small woman like Nancy could lift 10x that of some human men. Some among them were stronger still. Carrying her was no trouble, but what came next for this child was. Nancy had been paying close attention to her son. Gerold was her troubled one, the child she couldn't reach no matter the effort. It wasn't the first time for her by any stretch. Her last son had been just like him. Nancy was still ashamed of herself on how she had failed that boy. She had given up on Buck, allowed life to do as it would with him. Shameful, and even though that son had found a way, she couldn't fully forgive herself. That boy had suffered for a century until he had finally found a woman to love him. Gerold was like Buck in this way, likely as not Gerold would not soon again trust his heart with another. It felt like her fault, even if it wasn't. It seemed to Nancy that she was just terrible at raising boys. The small joke she told herself didn't work. Mostly because Nancy felt it wasn't one.
Nancy stopped on the staircase while holding this young one. Hope was quiet inside the shell Nancy had created. They had been so hopeful of this one. All of the Aqua had been talking about Hope and waiting on an opportunity like today. News of her arrival had spread far and wide and even now poor Hanna and Amy would have to deal with all the calls Nancy's phone was getting. All the Aqua wanted to know if Hope had joined them. They were looking forward to seeing their kin come home. If Hope became like them she would surely desire to nest. It was part of the call of their clan, and that alone would pull at Gerold to return to Medford. If he did return, then Elsa would too. Those two had been as tight as any siblings could be. Where Gerold led, Elsa was sure to follow.
Kate was especially hopeful to have her daughter back. They hadn't seen Elsa since she had stomped off to college seven years ago. Only Art and Kate had seen her any since then. More than once, Kate had been angry with Nancy with how Gerold had encouraged Elsa's defiance. Nancy turned back to her task and proceeded to carry Hope the rest of the way. It wasn't her fault this happened, and it wasn't Gerold's. Still, it didn't make this any easier. It shouldn't be this way. They should be all here now, gathered welcoming the newest member of their family.
Hanna was right, all the work they had done to investigate this child had shown everything was going fine. It felt wrong to just give up on her. Gerold had been here on his way to Europe and Nancy had linked with him. He was complicated, Gerold always was. But Nancy knew her son, at least the part he has shared in the link. He needed this woman, this human Nancy held in her arms. It would break him to lose her. Again, it was bloody well happening again! Nancy huffed and hated what she was going to do. It wasn't fair, her boy had found someone to love him, someone who was a good match for him. And what were they doing, they were throwing her away. It wasn't the first time for that either. Once, more than a century before Nancy had intervened in Buck's love life. Buck had fallen in love with another vampire, but one of a different clan. That girl's mother and Nancy had conspired to remove them from each by doing the same thing. Removing the girl's memories of Buck. It damn near killed the boy. And it would have destroyed her relationship with him had he known.
"You poor thing, it's not fair….. but I suppose it never is, is it?"
While linked, Nancy could hear the girl reach out to a presence she could detect. That said much for her spirit, she wasn't a timid push over. Elsa's assessment of her was spot on, but Ashley's texts were damning. Something in that link had been enough for Ashley to slam the door on her. Nancy felt like she should just let it go, the decision had been made. But this was her son, and his future. What if Gerold wasn't as strong as Buck was? What if he didn't recover from losing this girl? The least Nancy could do was look herself, right? She hadn't lifted a finger to save Buck, he had to do all the work himself. Maybe this time….Nancy put her hand back on Hope and opened the link.
A place and time unknown
Hope had been calling out and heard nothing at first. And then she found herself somewhere new. It looked like it was a lake, with a dock that ran out into the water. She was standing on the dock facing the water when she heard Nancy's voice behind her.
"Are you ok?"
Hope was surprised when she found a different version of Nancy. This one was very old, perhaps 70 or 80. She only knew it was her by the voice. Nancy walked up to her and stood on the dock. Hope was a bit irritated at being back in the link again. She rather rudely asked her why she was ancient all of a sudden.
"This is the version of myself I feel most comfortable with. It's how I feel now, even when my body is young. Tell me child what you are feeling?"
Hope laughed, if they were in the link again, which they obviously were, then Nancy would know. Still Nancy looked at her expectantly and Hope was forced to answer.
"Like I have been mugged, like Ashley and Elsa stole my happiness. I know it isn't true but that's how I feel. You said I would wake up in Omaha and not remember anything. Why am I here?"
Nancy looked out on the water and said something about how she missed this place and how peaceful it was. Hope looked at it but she didn't find the appeal. Nancy waited another moment, probably probing her before speaking.
"Let me ask you child, if Ashley had accepted you, would you have accepted us? You seemed tempted when she showed you what reversion would give you?"
Hope heard that and was again ashamed at her behavior. But why, was it so horrible to want to look like them?
"I suppose I was wrong to want to look better, maybe that made Ashley think I was selfish, I don't know. But no, Nancy as much as I love your son I don't think I would. I am sorry but I cant agree with what you are. I know you don't suck blood or anything but thralls…?"
She wasn't sorry for believing that Nancy and her kind were immoral. But she was sorry that she had to say it. She didn't say she hated Ashley but at this point she felt wronged.
"What Ashley did was push you, it's her job. I know she explained why it's important. She believes she is the cause for the test, but she isn't. Ashley isn't the first child we nearly lost. I wish our children had it easier but they don't. All of us go through something like that, it's really only a matter of time. And not all of our children survive that test. You can't imagine how hard that is for me. You see for centuries this clan was just me and my babies. If we lost someone it was because I failed. No matter why we lost them, it was my child, it was my fault. I have been fighting to keep this clan alive for longer than I care to admit. We are only now, after all these centuries beginning to thrive. Do you know before Ashley joined us we were down to just two or three at one point. We came so close to oblivion, none of us want that. We just want to make sure if you take this gift, that you can handle it. And we want you to thrive in this life child, not suffer."
Hope looked out and felt the warm air and the could see a clear sky. She could see why someone might find comfort here, even if she didn't. Hope explained her feelings, that she just wanted to forget now and move on. That she didn't want to die but she knew she could do nothing to prevent it either.
"You are being too dramatic my dear. If I wanted to kill you I would have done so. Any of us could at any time, but that isn't why I am here and why we keep talking to you."
Hope knew that too, they wanted her to join that was obvious. But the fact she didn't place Gerold at the center of her desire was a showstopper apparently. Hope both agreed with them and disagreed. She was ashamed at seeing her fantasies dangled in front of her. But she also knew everyone had them. What did they expect of her, to be some sort of paperback nonsense. That she would fall totally head over heels for him and have no other anywhere in her heart? She loved Gerold but he was boring sometimes. When he started talking about his research, oh my God he could turn off a volcano. Hope tried to encourage him, but she had limits. That French girl had that right at least.
"I want to understand you Hope. I haven't been human in a long time and simply don't understand. You love him I can feel that, but yet you don't commit to him either? You look down on us for what we are, but not for your own shortcomings? Why Hope, why is it so hard for you?"
Hope tried to explain but in truth she didn't really understand the question. She had committed, she had said yes. She had been willing to travel all the way to Texas to uncover this stupid secret of theirs. She had been willing to make love to him, to not date others. Even if that French bitch said otherwise. What more did his mother expect of her? Especially now for heaven's sake, he was a flipping vampire who had some other person under his thumb! At thinking it she could feel the hint of emotion coming from Nancy. Was it anger, or was it fear? Her face didn't reveal it nor did it show like it did for Ashley.
"That's because Ashley and Elsa are babies. I have walked this earth for ten centuries child. If you sense something from me it's because I wish it."
Oh yeah that's anger. Then Hope calmed herself, it wasn't right to anger this woman. Not just because she was dangerous but because she was the mother of someone she loved. Or did love, oh hell, cared about then. Hope took a breath and turned around trying to clear her mind and her heart. She only had to think of him to know she did love him. It didn't make sense to Hope, why she was fixated on him. Why no matter what he said or did, or what his family did, she cared for him. Was that love, did that prove she was genuine? It angered her that she couldn't shake this feeling she had for Gerold. Something about him, something about when they were together. Then a thought entered her mind. What would happen to her after she forgot Elsa and Gerold? Would she morn what she lost, or would she just be empty? Surely just forgetting them wasn't enough to erase all those years? Wouldn't it be obvious to her that something wasn't right? She had to wonder if even after forgetting them, she would still feel empty, or something akin to it. That worried her, and caused her emotions to flow again. There wasn't a clear choice, and Hope couldn't seem to get a grip over this nonsense. But why….if she forgot wouldn't it be better?
"Come let's sit child, let me rest these old bones."
Nancy sat at the edge of the dock and took off the fisherman's cap she wore. It reveled wispy white hair that blew in the air. She was so different than the 20-year-old beauty Hope had seen earlier. Why on earth would any woman wish to look like that, when she could in a thought look young again? It was a random thought she didn't contain. Something she remembered was an issue in a place like this.
"Its who I really am child. I find I wish to be this age more and more. I feel like a charlatan going about like a young pretty thing like you. I am no more a young girl now, then I was 800 years ago. I feel my age Hope, more than you can possibly imagine. Time has a way of harvesting the real you. You begin to see what is the wheat and what is the chaff after a while. Being young and pretty doesn't make me lovely. It's just icing on a cake. If the cake is rancid, no icing no matter how lovely, will make it taste good. Hope after several lifetimes, you value truth more than fiction, and you value honesty."
Hope thought Nancy talking about herself like that to be disgusting. If there was a moral here it went over Hope's head. Still, it wasn't every day you got to talk to someone her age, so she continued to sit next to her and took in the lake. Nancy took off her shoes and put her toes in the cool water. Something Hope did as well. It was warm here in this memory, it felt like summer.
"It's Iowa, it can get very humid there in the summer. But this day, it was so nice. I keep this memory handy for when I need to relax. Ashley's husband does it too, he has several memories like this he goes back to. Always the lake, I know you aren't impressed but one day I think you will be. Life pushes you to focus more and more of yourself to a cause, or a job. After a while you begin to forget who you are. The only thing left of you is the thing you do, coming here to a place like this helps to remind you. It pushes away all the noise and concern and allows you to bask in God's glory for a moment. To feel majesty and know you too are a unique creation. One worthy of time and care."
They sat there together for a time. Hope had nothing to lose by giving her the time. After a bit she had to admit it was a lovely day. The quiet of the moment, with no one around, it was calming. But still Nancy said nothing. She had to be digging deep into Hope and her memories. For the first time since Nancy had returned, she began to consider something. What if Hope was like them, what if she became a vampire? Clearly they wanted that, otherwise why keep coming back? She had been disgusted before by what she felt. But going back to Omaha and being empty, that didn't sound good either. Would she hate being one of them? The silence got to her so she turned to Nancy and let out her frustration by asking.
"I keep thinking I just want to go home and forget. But I don't want to give up on Gerold either. This vampire stuff, Nancy I just don't understand it, how to process it. I don't want to offend you but how do you justify being the way you are? Do you like being this way? What does it feel like to be one of you? I mean I kind of know a bit, with what Ashley showed me. But would you choose to be a vampire again, if you could?"
Nancy didn't respond right away, she continued to look towards the horizon. Hope was disappointed at first but figured that her silence answered the question. She wouldn't be if she could. Hope was considering her situation when Nancy responded.
"Time dear, time is all that really separates me and you. Human from vampire, young from old. You ask if I would choose to be a vampire, that supposes I had a choice. And it supposes I see a difference."
Hope wrinkled her nose in disapproval, of course there was a difference. There was a huge freaking difference! That whole feeding from others thing, and being lovely whenever they wanted to be.
"Right now, your understanding of the world has been pricked. The careful little worldview you created for yourself has been wrecked by what we are. You resent that, and it's understandable. You need time Hope, to process what you have learned. And you need to be more careful in the assumptions you make. You felt what it was like for Ashley to feed, and yet you miss the lesson she was trying to teach you. Just as you miss the one I am trying to teach. There is much for you to learn in life, time is your teacher. And time is a relentless one, it will never stop teaching you what is real and what is falsehood."
Hope wondered if there was a lesson in what Ashley was doing. Other than to let her taste something Ashley felt pleasurable, as a way to tempt her. What else could she possibly want her to know? Wasn't that just her way of tempting Hope to become a vampire? Nancy shook her head at the thought.
"That child feels guilt over what happened to the boy. He was just a child to her when she was forced to enthrall him. Yes he was 18 and she was just a few years older, but in her eyes, then he was a child. Ashley didn't want to enthrall the boy! She didn't want to feast on his emotions, but she had to because of her bodies need. She did what we all do when faced with that choice. We make the best of it we can, she dedicated herself to make sure she took care of the boy. To help him achieve what he wanted in life, and possibly find someone for him to love and create his own family with. Yet that isn't what happened."
Hope remembered the picture from the wall. And how Ashley had felt something obviously for him. At the time Hope just assumed it was a lover. But looking back she knew Nancy was right.
"Instead of doing any of that, she watched him die before he could really live. And worst of all, she went on living, having used him and never really helped him. Ashley wanted you to see that having a thrall isn't always a selfish experience. That it's a great burden, one that a vampire has to take very seriously. She wanted you to be respectful of those you feed from, and not to dishonor them. Had you looked you would have seen that in her heart."
Was that her intent, Hope wasn't so sure Nancy was right on that. Ashley seemed more like a judgmental jerk… or was she? Was Hope just resentful for failing the test? On thinking it she felt a small bit of emotion from Nancy. Was that her encouraging her, she wasn't sure. Nancy however didn't acknowledge any of it.
"Ashley doesn't want the next person she ushers into the life, to suffer like she does. That memory haunts her child, and its why she shared her pain. That whole time in Guam nearly destroyed her. She watched her friends die, her coworkers die, and her thrall die. Yet she kept living, the only wounds on her were on the inside. But those wounds were some of the worst."
The dock disappeared and they were transported to an airport late at night. Soldiers were getting off a transport, and there she was. Ashley was walking towards them and when Nancy stopped the memory it shocked Hope. Ashley looked like a shell of the woman she was. It reminded Hope of what a zombie would look like. That wasn't a woman standing there, it was a corpse. Her eyes were sunken in and she looked hollow in her appearance.
"This is what war can do Hope. Vampire or Human it doesn't matter. Time is the only real difference between us. Time for Ashley to recover, and become who she is now. Time to understand that it wasn't her fault. Time to deal with her guilt and to harden her heart. Time to temper her hopes and dreams with the experience that time provides. But time is a fire Hope, it burns you and tests you. Human or vampire it makes no difference, it will have you. Ashley wanted to see if you would be able to deal with it. All of us burn in time's fire, and that changes us. For some it helps to mold us into women like Ashley. For others it molds them into a monster. When you saw Ashley, you missed seeing her, the real Ashley. You were only looking at what you could have from this life, or be in this life. You never once looked at the person you were speaking to. What kind of woman was Ashley? Was she sweet, was she kind? Was she a woman worthy of listening too in the first place? Was she honest, or a liar, was she helping you or helping herself?"
Hope thought back to the interview and she had noted her organizational ability, and that she was nice…sort of at the start anyway.
"But you weren't paying attention to her, all your attention was focused on the answers to your questions. You were not in an interview Hope, you were in an interrogation, one you thought you led. Should you trust what Ashley said to you? Was she an honest broker of the truth? You assume she desired you to be a vampire….. what if what she desired, was for you not to be?"
Hope's mind raced to find the answer and then she realized with Nancy she hadn't even bothered to do the same for her. Was Nancy someone she could trust? In that moment Hope felt lost and a small voice inside said she just wanted to go home.
"Ahhh I can't…. I just cant Nancy. I keep trying to understand but every time I think I do… How can I trust any of you, what would you do if you were me huh? Have you ever done this before? Because I doubt a lot of other women do any better than me! I…I just cant take any more of this."
To say she was in over her head was an understatement and she put her head down in her hands wishing she knew what to do. Nancy was quiet for a bit allowing her time to just clear her mind.
"Time my dear, time is what you need. I can give that to you, but it has to be your choice. And no, I am not asking you to be a vampire. What I am offering you is time, and a safe place for you to see exactly what you need to. I promise you if you say yes to this it will answer your questions. And when we are done you will still be the same woman you are now in body. You will look the same, and you will be human. But the inside of you…. That will be burned by fire, time's fire. And you will be different. And no matter what you decide to do afterwards, you will return to Omaha with your memory intact. I will speak to the others and help them see things our way. You and Gerold deserve the right to your own life. And I promise you I will support you on whatever you decide, even if that is to turn Gerold away."
Hope looked at Nancy and pulled at the place deep inside herself to see if she could trust this woman. She had spoken to Nancy many times on the phone over the years. She had found her to be intelligent, wise and most of all giving. She was always giving advice, encouraging her, and being a good momma, even if she wasn't hers yet. That was something she had looked forward to in a strange way in accepting Gerold's offer of marriage. But that didn't mean she knew her, obviously she never really did. But looking into her eyes and remembering all she had seen so far, she felt like she could trust her.
"What about Ashley, wont she be upset?"
Nancy smiled and put an arm on her. But there was more, a comforting feeling something warm and tender inside.
"My dear I was running this clan as its master hundreds of years before Ashley was born. The King sees me as his mother, as do all Aqua. Trust me, if I decide to help you then they will honor my wish. Now child, do you trust me. Will you let me help you?"
There was a certain pride Hope took in Nancy. It was always the men in history you read about. But here was a woman with real power. Not necessarily of life and death, but of something more important. Nancy had the love and respect of her children. She was their mother, the clan mother. If she was safe with any vampire, it would be her. Hope smiled and shook her head wondering what she was agreeing to or to where she would be taken.
"Where ever you go Hope, I will be beside you."
Hope nodded again, and watched as the world space changed yet again. This time it looked a bit colder, and far muddier. She didn't recognize it, yet it felt extremely familiar, like she had been here Hope's entire life.
"This is home, Caen in France. Just outside the city, in a small village where I grew up. I want you to experience this, to see what I saw. Perhaps…. this will help you understand."